Everyone around me is moving forward, only I am standing still. I have written another time, I have told my miserable life and I do not repeat things. I don't know what to do anymore. I think it's just God playing with me, I don't know how I earned this life. I don't know when it all started, where I was so wrong. I'm alone, desperately alone. I don't have anyone, you know - absolutely no one. No family, no friends, no husband, no children. I have no one to rely on for anything. Tomorrow, if I fall and die, there will be no one to find me. I am 36 years old and so far I have not had a single joy in my life. I have never celebrated Christmas or New Year, no one has invited me to a birthday party. Nobody invited me to a meeting. If someone shows interest, he is only looking for sex and nothing more, and most often they are married "hermits". I don't understand - I'm not ugly, I'm not beautiful either. Women much uglier and lazier than me can't get rid of admirers, they have wonderful husbands. I'm not stupid or lazy. I just don't have the will or courage to take risks. I came home to live in the countryside because life in the city scared me. I barely found a damn clerical job. I work in a terrible team - limited women, without education, but with pretensions and a sense of superiority over me, although I am much more competent than them. They treat me like a second-hand person, gossip behind my back - why don't I get married, why don't I give birth, I'm something defective, the opposite and what not. You will say - get out of this village, go to town. I can not. I'm scared. I just have nothing to step on to start in the city - no job, no home, no one to lend me a hand to start. I barely survive on the salary I receive. I can't be absent from work to look for a new one. I don't have a car, I can't maintain it. I'm a prisoner. I spin in a vicious circle. I applied for a job abroad - everywhere they want fees and commissions of not less than BGN 700-1000. Where can I get this money and what guarantee do I have that I have not come across another fraudster. Now there is a change of leadership. A village squirrel is told to become a chief. An absolute simpleton and a waiter. And this one comes and tells me that his first job when he gets the job will be to fire me. I cried all night, then looked at the pill box for a long time and wondered if I should swallow it or not. Then I became so enraged that I decided to kill the bastard the moment he handed me the order. In this way, he will at least secure a lifetime of state support in prison - a roof and food. Anyway, I'm in prison now. I have nothing to lose. There are days when I have no one to talk to. I don't understand why they hate me - I didn't fit into the team. But we are talking about the following entry - in the morning there is at least an hour and a half of gossip - until everyone and everything is gone, they don't start work. They do their job incompetently, make simple mistakes, don't even know how to use a computer! They are bored and try to transfer their responsibilities to me. Since I don't want to take part in the morning gossip and I don't want to do someone else's work for which he gets paid - I didn't fit in! And accordingly, I was offered the first lane for dismissal. I do not know what to do. I get depressed - I sway between complete despair, anger and a desire for revenge. I can not do anything. I just don't have a back, no one to stand up for me and they know it very well. They just enjoy roasting me over low heat. I'd better kill myself, or kill this drummer first, to make it easier for me at least once in my life, and then kill myself. I'm going crazy! I imagine swinging a huge knife or ax and cutting off his head, and it's a lot easier. I can't anymore, I really can't, I can't stand it, I don't have the strength anymore! All my life I was alone, all my life I struggled for survival. I want at least a little normal life, a little peace and security. all my life I have been fighting for survival. I want at least a little normal life, a little peace and security. all my life I have been fighting for survival. I want at least a little normal life, a little peace and security.
1 xo_peach answered
Ironically, in the real world, a lifetime is not enough to find the person you are looking for, and here you can meet him in a confession ... I am a man and if I knew a woman like you, I would not hesitate to do anything for be happy with me! Greetings, I hope you find happiness soon!