Hello, I am graduating soon and starting a job, which worries me a lot. Not so much whether I will cope with the tasks - I consider myself an intelligent person, but whether I will fit into the team. As a child, I always felt out of place at school, in high school I became close with a few girls, but I was never very popular with you and everyone. We went to university with a friend from school and more or less to talk in a completely unfamiliar environment, where I will be the new topic of conversation probably turns my stomach. I know that we are all people and so on, but I will be the only new one, the others will be close and formed in groups and my nerves shake at the thought. I'm also worried that they won't like me, that I'll make some nonsense, that I'll say something out of place or vice versa - I won't have anything to say. I can always leave, but this is certainly the profession I want to develop in, that's why it's so important to fit in. That it is a women's team also worries me, as paradoxical as it sounds with men, I understand myself much better, somehow I feel more free in their company, I don't have this feeling of 'sitting on thorns' next to them. I guess you get the picture - I'm overwhelmed with mad anxiety. It's all about being shy, more introverted I guess, but tell me - am I the only one who feels that way in a new place. How to overcome this feeling do you have any ideas next to them I don't have that feeling that I'm 'sitting on thorns'. I guess you get the picture - I'm overwhelmed with mad anxiety. It's all about being shy, more introverted I guess, but tell me - am I the only one who feels that way in a new place. How to overcome this feeling do you have any ideas? next to them I don't have that feeling that I'm 'sitting on thorns'. I guess you get the picture - I'm overwhelmed with mad anxiety. It's all about being shy, more introverted, I guess, but tell me - am I the only one who feels that way in a new place? How to overcome this feeling do you have any ideas?
Answers 5
Wonderful child, we have all been through this. Look now, the problem is in you, accept it. Your colleagues are looking forward to the future addition of the team, because it would unload their work. Nobody wants to work for two, right? Ie you are the expected salvation. Understand that an office is not a friendly company in a disco, but an organization in which the work is distributed among all in accordance with their competence. The fact that people there prefer to drink coffee in groups does not concern the work process itself. If you show excellent professional qualities, you will soon become a universal favorite. Which is bad! Because they will start overloading you with work. I do not advise you to do it! Better not show your full capacity. To begin with, strictly observe your job description, which is written in your contract. Do your job, don't be late, don't make revolutions and .... observe the political situation in the company. At some point you will understand who with whom, how and why. Then it's time to jump into your career. But you can get past the initial astonishment of the new only with the attitude that you are a secret agent sent on a mission: you cancel tasks, listen, execute and scan the situation. No wonder you run the company after a year or two, I can list at least ten such cases.
There is no easy way. These are problems that have accumulated throughout your life and there is no way to solve them here with simple tips. Specialized and long-term help is needed, or possibly a lot of time to get used to the new environment. I am a man. And I'm like you. And I'm ten years older now that you're graduating. And I still have these fears, but whenever I get into a new team, after a few months (Yes, months! I know that a normal period for most people is a few days or weeks) I get used to it and I'm OK. Good luck and don't think so much! After all, you're hired to work, not get close to the people there.
Everyone has been through this, so for a start, remind yourself that you are there to work, not to make friends. Of course, if a colleague invites you to go to lunch together, do not refuse so that you do not get the name Temerut, but this does not mean from the first day to share your personal life and problems. Be polite, because in the end most of your time will be spent with these people, but don't be a "I come to work just to have someone to talk to." And most importantly, to avoid problems from the beginning, avoid all gossip and intrigue. Yes, I know at first glance it seems like an easy way to fit in by getting involved in gossip against a colleague or against the boss, but later this can play a very bad joke on you. Therefore, be polite to everyone, if someone asks you to help with something - do not refuse, because you don't know when you will need help, but just keep your distance and keep your personal life and problems to yourself. I've always wondered how some people start discussing what they said to their husbands, how they quarreled with their son, or how they can't stand their mother-in-law right from the office door. Well, honestly, do you really think anyone cares? !! At most, they end up being the subject of gossip and ridicule because of the too much personal information they provide. So just remind yourself why you're there, not to drink coffee and gossip, or to use your colleagues for free psychoanalysts, and I think everything will be fine. The more professional you behave, the better! Of course, this does not mean going to the other extreme, refusing to go to company parties, declining lunch invitations, and so on. because then they will consider you arrogant, lonely and temerut, but just to set some limits and talk mostly at work. Lunch with a more experienced colleague is a wonderful opportunity to learn some subtleties about work and so both useful and enjoyable. You will not wonder how to invent topics for conversation, and you will learn something useful. Well, of course, in addition to business, you can always talk on "neutral" topics such as music, cooking, fashion ... you can't talk about business only all the time, but generally focus on office conversations instead of gossip or sharing. And over time, if you get closer to a particular colleague with him or her, you will be able to have more personal conversations, but for now do not do it, because you still do not know your colleagues well and do not know when something what you said involuntarily, supposedly in front of a friend, can be used against you. And just calm down, the most important thing is to do the job, not to please absolutely everyone. It's normal to have people who just don't like you, without doing anything to them. Contact them as rarely as possible, and only officially, if necessary.
Don't worry at all! When I started working as a welder and in the beginning none of my colleagues knew or talked to almost anyone, except for the colleague who works next to me. Now, like you, I'm starting from scratch with a new profession. My new job will be with new colleagues. I hope to start clean work this time and not get dirty with metals, but to work in my new profession, which is graphic design. Well, there will be more women in the team than men and there will be a balance. I wish you success!
Worrying is normal and natural, it applies to other people in the same situation. Of course, it is more reasonable for your worries to be related to the performance of work duties than how you will fit into the team, but in general the feeling is clear. My advice is to approach with politeness and a smile at the beginning. I do this when I find myself in an unfamiliar environment. I'm also an introvert, it doesn't stop me from being communicative. A smile makes people not feel like thorns around you, which is positive. And their politeness shows enough - that you are an educated, probably smart person and there is no need to pick on you. Writing in the middle in the true sense of the word is quite slow for me, but my closest ones told me that in the beginning when we met they did not understand that I am an introvert at all. Fictional example: If I haven't seen someone close to my heart in a long time and he asks me what I've been doing recently in my spare time, I'll explain in detail about when I play tennis, how much I walk the dog, who I go to classes with, which restaurants I visit, etc. I will tell him, because in order for him to be close to me, he has proved that he is really interested and asks seriously. If we have a new colleague in the office and he asks me what I do in my free time, I will smile at him, insert an exclamation point in a sentence like "Oh!" (As if I'm very glad to have the opportunity to answer that question) and I say one thing about my activities - let's say "Oh, I really like going to the park with the dog! I can spend all day there". And that's enough. The man feels that I have answered him sincerely and that I enjoy our conversation, and this is the important thing. And so. Boldly forward and good luck!