Years Lost

Hi. I'm a man in my 30s. I spent my youth locked up at home or in front of a computer or over the textbooks. Why and how, what exactly are the causes, etc. there's no point going into detail. Accordingly, you may realize that I have a problem with women. Not only do I have no wife or girlfriend, but even in purely sexual terms, I'm way behind. In the last 1-2 years, I realized that I was no longer a young man and that I must have lost and missed out on youth. I realized that things I had to do no longer had room for my age. I realized that in life I'm way behind. I'm 30 years old and I can't find a girlfriend. I'm not sure, and every woman feels it. And what is it like in the eyes of a woman/girl to see an insecure and anxious man in his 30s with a profession and the most normal appearance....? Isn't that repulsive? Being 17, 20, 22-23, to say I'm still young and inexperienced, although the majority of men aged 22-23 are definitely experienced. I try to meet different girls, but it's hard. I recently met a 22-year-old girl- an intern at a nearby place of my job. I asked her out. She refused, on the pretext, that she was much younger than me. Maybe it's just the way to speak, and when you think about it, there's not a lot of it, and it's not a lot, especially when you're 20 and you might meet a peer of yours. Somehow it turns out that for some of them, I'm too big, and for the other, i suck. I'm thinking, is there any option for me to become a normal man, based on the emotional and life mutilation I inflicted on myself when I was younger? Is it possible that at 30 years old, you're getting normal? I always think that the manhood starts from the age of 15 or 16 and by the age of 23-24, come on 25-26, you should be a complete man now. I have a profession, the years go by. Maybe in time, some chief will become, based on work experience. They're going to start hanging around me. Yes, but don't you think a woman should like you as a man of a male character, not because you're in some kind of post or have someone more? Or do I, after a while, become like men paying lovers and prostitutes, killing off the complexes of youth associated with a lack of female attention...? As things go, I think I'm probably not going to create a family, not because I'm like some crazy old bachelor suffering from squeamishness, characterism and heavy claims, but simply because I'm a jerk.