It strikes me that I hurt the people around me. I have a hard time building friendships and contacts. In fact, I'm quite humane in terms of health care and I'm almost always like a "doctor" to people. Socially, however, I find it difficult to build a relationship because I am serious. I almost don't know how to contact socially, unless it's connected intellectually. I'm usually too direct and I say what I think and no, I'm not talking about argumentation. However, people are offended by the fact that I am straight and usually their ego is hurt. A dumb flower, I simply perceive myself as defective. This also leads to problems at work. I often think and repeat 'did he / she like me', 'am I a good person or am I a bad person'. I use intuition to 'analyze' the situation after a broken conversation with someone. I often tell myself that I am a bad person and I kind of 'wash' myself by spontaneously doing good almost every day. Either I give coins to beggars, or I donate blood, or something. I often repeat to myself that the people we communicate with or interact with directly or indirectly change us, as we change them. Someone's life can develop in a completely different way only on the basis that someone has said or done something that affects another person, and therefore changing a person's views or reflexes from an encounter changes his life as well. I often tell myself that people affect us as we affect them. In general, I hate life, and many times I have wished before going to sleep if God or something exists to stop my heart in my sleep so that I do not wake up the next day. I thought of going to a psychologist or psychiatrist but the effect was zero, because people generally do not understand each other. These thoughts have always been a part of me. I keep telling myself that I'm a bad person and that I don't understand myself and the people around me. I just wanted to share what's wrong with me.