Why Do I Get Paranoia And All Kinds Of Grass Nightmares; I Want To Be Able To Enjoy The Grass ...

The Story

Why am I not like the others just .... Why everywhere on the net and in real life everyone talks about weed and other drugs, that they were cool, etc. - my friend loves weed, to get together with people, on concerts and having fun drunk, and I can't ... I feel bad because I get paranoia accompanied by a cycle. My current boyfriend, other ex-girlfriends and my girlfriends don't want us to smoke together and I don't want to because of the nasty effects, but on the other hand I want to enjoy ganja as "normal" people. So many, really many times I tried to smoke and all the nasty experiences. I'm sick. I'm tired because I'm depressed by the fact that I've been through nasty trips. Dozens of stories like the ones here I can tell from my experience. Depersonalization, derealization, delusions or whatever. Most often when I get drunk, I meet with reproachful thoughts. Really destructive thoughts that instruct me to completely change my life and also keep repeating in my mind to stop trying all kinds of drugs, never to try again. But when I see on the net how everyone enjoys marijuana and in real life, when everyone around me enjoys ... and I just want to be like them. It's hard for me to remember a decent marijuana trip I had. It was always incredibly intense and scary, I'm always on my toes, agitated & irritated etc. I went to psychiatrists who told me to stay away from grass, even if I didn't smell grass, because at one time I had symptoms of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Of course, I don't want to be like the sworn stoners, who get drunk every day and are 24/7 helpless morons, unemployed and uneducated. I just want to be like those who work, study, have a normal and stable life, but when they can relax with ganja with friends. I feel different, crazy, isolated and an outsider in the worst sense of the word. My partner, my friends and many other people like me, appreciate me, respect me for myself, for my mind, my qualities, etc. But as my friend says, it is annoying to smoke with me. I can't chill and that's it. From then on, my self-esteem shakes, I isolate myself from everyone, I get depressed, I stay away from everyone and I hate the world and especially myself. To my only but boundless happiness - my friend causes him unimaginable pain when I tell him about my depressive thoughts, about my endless hatred for myself and .... I really don't want this to continue. I want to be normal. who work, study, have a normal and stable life, but when they can relax with ganja with friends. I feel different, crazy, isolated and an outsider in the worst sense of the word. My partner, my friends and many other people like me, appreciate me, respect me for myself, for my mind, my qualities, etc. But as my friend says, it is annoying to smoke with me. I can't chill and that's it. From then on, my self-esteem shakes, I isolate myself from everyone, I get depressed, I stay away from everyone and I hate the world and especially myself. To my only but boundless happiness - my friend causes him unimaginable pain when I tell him about my depressive thoughts, about my endless hatred for myself and .... I really don't want this to continue. I want to be normal. who work, study, have a normal and stable life, but when they can relax with ganja with friends. I feel different, crazy, isolated and an outsider in the worst sense of the word. My partner, my friends and many other people like me, appreciate me, respect me for myself, for my mind, my qualities, etc. But as my friend says, it is annoying to smoke with me. I can't chill and that's it. From then on, my self-esteem shakes, I isolate myself from everyone, I get depressed, I stay away from everyone and I hate the world and especially myself. To my only but boundless happiness - my friend causes him unimaginable pain when I tell him about my depressive thoughts, about my endless hatred for myself and .... I really don't want this to continue. I want to be normal. but when they can relax with ganja with friends. I feel different, crazy, isolated and an outsider in the worst sense of the word. My partner, my friends and many other people like me, appreciate me, respect me for myself, for my mind, my qualities, etc. But as my friend says, it is annoying to smoke with me. I can't chill and that's it. From then on, my self-esteem shakes, I isolate myself from everyone, I get depressed, I stay away from everyone and I hate the world and especially myself. To my only but boundless happiness - my friend causes him unimaginable pain when I tell him about my depressive thoughts, about my endless hatred for myself and .... I really don't want this to continue. I want to be normal. but when they can relax with ganja with friends. I feel different, crazy, isolated and an outsider in the worst sense of the word. My partner, my friends and many other people like me, appreciate me, respect me for myself, for my mind, my qualities, etc. But as my friend says, it is annoying to smoke with me. I can't chill and that's it. From then on, my self-esteem shakes, I isolate myself from everyone, I get depressed, I stay away from everyone and I hate the world and especially myself. To my only but boundless happiness - my friend causes him unimaginable pain when I tell him about my depressive thoughts, about my endless hatred for myself and .... I really don't want this to continue. I want to be normal. my friends and many other people like me, appreciate me, respect me for myself, for my mind, my qualities, etc. But as my friend says, it is annoying to smoke with me. I can't chill and that's it. From then on, my self-esteem shakes, I isolate myself from everyone, I get depressed, I stay away from everyone and I hate the world and especially myself. To my only but boundless happiness - my friend causes him unimaginable pain when I tell him about my depressive thoughts, about my endless hatred for myself and .... I really don't want this to continue. I want to be normal. my friends and many other people like me, appreciate me, respect me for myself, for my mind, my qualities, etc. But as my friend says, it is annoying to smoke with me. I can't chill and that's it. From then on, my self-esteem shakes, I isolate myself from everyone, I get depressed, I stay away from everyone and I hate the world and especially myself. To my only but boundless happiness - my friend causes him unimaginable pain when I tell him about my depressive thoughts, about my endless hatred for myself and .... I really don't want this to continue. I want to be normal. I isolate myself from everyone, I get depressed, I stay away from everyone and I hate the world and most of all myself. To my only but boundless happiness - my friend causes him unimaginable pain when I tell him about my depressive thoughts, about my endless hatred for myself and .... I really don't want this to continue. I want to be normal. I isolate myself from everyone, I get depressed, I stay away from everyone and I hate the world and most of all myself. To my only but boundless happiness - my friend causes him unimaginable pain when I tell him about my depressive thoughts, about my endless hatred for myself and .... I really don't want this to continue. I want to be normal.

Last Updated
July 26, 2020
Author:
sofia_tobon

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