Why Did I Never Get What I Wanted?

   I think you are making one mistake - you are not living here and now, you are living in the future. Most people live in their past - either they can't end their childhood traumas, or they close in on good old memories. Yours is no less dangerous. I have been making such a mistake for a long time. I read a lot of literature, but Liz Hay's Heal Your Life helped me the most, and I read a lot about clinical psychology. Heal your life helped me to end the past - grass from childhood, to forgive my parents and improve my relationship with them, even helped me in love. Although I do not live by what is written in any of my books, in a very important period, thanks to this book, I was able to get out and actually heal my life. It's just that there are simple rules and methods without you thinking about them ... then everything happens automatically. Life in the future is harmful, because you cannot enjoy the little joys here and now. You can learn a lot from the attitude of ... no kidding - our gypsies. Look for contact with them in some way - maybe a short conversation, you can just watch them, you can work in the Bulgarian Red Cross for a few weeks and you will understand one thing - these people are happy because they are free from our worries. The material enslaves us and we serve the things and the material. We are enslaved by our expectations for love, happiness, material well-being ... one day, instead of enjoying things, people, moments here and now. Hey, gypsies can do that. A gypsy, if he finds something nice to say in the trash, won't worry about why he didn't find more, whether he'll find something tomorrow, how he went hungry yesterday. He sincerely enjoys the here and now. I have observed this often and even because of learning from them I have often given them things or given them small things. If they are unpleasant - try with children. They also live in the present. Seeks contact with children in his environment and learns from them, and a pet helps a lot. The cat is the most unpretentious animal, but a hamster, even fish will do the job for you. I hope I was helpful. You are on the right track, but you have to end your past and learn to live here and now.

   №1 is quite right in your case author. I can only add that no one receives anything for free and it is not normal for you to expect to receive. There is no such thing as luck falling from the sky, one is always deprived of something in order to receive something else. For example, the boy you liked has put a lot of effort into his body, or his posture, or in general in himself to be liked, of course he will look for a girl who has also put a lot of effort into himself. Do you know how much effort it costs a boy to be liked? It is just as difficult for them, even more than for the girls, to achieve this success, I tell you that even though I am a woman, I have sons and I see how much effort they put in as teenagers. It's the same with money, you learn how to spend it, depending on how much you have. For example, a grandmother with a pension of BGN 150 is happy with the fact that she managed to buy a bucket of milk for 40 cents today, even the rich man is not so happy when he manages to buy a beautiful house at a reasonable price. So happiness is also learned. The chances that a person gets in his life must be learned, appreciated. For example, your chance to have parents who are not with you gives you the opportunity from an early age to learn to take care of yourself. Parents who are close to their children are both a plus and an obstacle. So you have lost the plus, but you do not have the obstacle, you have a chance from a very early age to make small but important decisions for a child, that is, you had a chance to learn to make decisions yourself. So it is with every single thing in life. I hope you realize what I'm talking about. when he manages to buy a beautiful house at a reasonable price. So happiness is also learned. The chances that a person gets in his life must be learned, appreciated. For example, your chance to have parents who are not with you gives you the opportunity from an early age to learn to take care of yourself. Parents who are close to their children are both a plus and an obstacle. So you have lost the plus, but you do not have the obstacle, you have a chance from a very early age to make small but important decisions for a child, that is, you had a chance to learn to make decisions yourself. So it is with every single thing in life. I hope you realize what I'm talking about. when he manages to buy a beautiful house at a reasonable price. So happiness is also learned. The chances that a person gets in his life must be learned, appreciated. For example, your chance to have parents who are not with you gives you the opportunity from an early age to learn to take care of yourself. Parents who are close to their children are both a plus and an obstacle. So you have lost the plus, but you do not have the obstacle, you have a chance from a very early age to make small but important decisions for a child, that is, you had a chance to learn to make decisions yourself. So it is with every single thing in life. I hope you realize what I'm talking about. it gives you the opportunity from an early age to learn to take care of yourself. Parents who are close to their children are both a plus and an obstacle. So you have lost the plus, but you do not have the obstacle, you have a chance from a very early age to make small but important decisions for a child, that is, you had a chance to learn to make decisions yourself. So it is with every single thing in life. I hope you realize what I'm talking about. it gives you the opportunity from an early age to learn to take care of yourself. Parents who are close to their children are both a plus and an obstacle. So you have lost the plus, but you do not have the obstacle, you have a chance from a very early age to make small but important decisions for a child, that is, you had a chance to learn to make decisions yourself. So it is with every single thing in life. I hope you realize what I'm talking about.

   I liked the comment on number 1. I support his opinion, except for one small detail. What exactly should he learn from the gypsies? They are free of problems, of course. But why? All the bills are paid by us, the workers, all the benefits they receive are again from our pocket, as well as from that of the author. I do not think it is appropriate to give an example.

   n 3, for the gypsies you are right, but to some extent. From them he can learn two things - FIRST to live here and now, to enjoy the moment and not to live in the future. To enjoy the little things. They don't worry about the electricity bill - it's not true that they were paid - most of them pay, they often turn them off, but they don't worry. My uncle is a collector for a gypsy neighborhood and I know what I'm talking about - even a lot of them don't have electricity, the people from Energo come in - they don't even have electrical appliances! They never pay for water and always have it, but I am FOR it, because if diseases are spread there ... they will force us too. They MUST have water. We only see the most antisocial ones on TV because it's interesting for the camera, but there are a lot of normal people among them who are worth having a conversation with or just watching. SECOND you can learn from them and from all nomads, nomads ... well, to be happy with the little and not to serve material things. A gypsy will never jump off the bridge because he was in debt or unemployed, he loves life and enjoys the good weather, his free time, if he ate today he is happy and so on and like the bird he will always find something for food. I'm not saying to be like them, but just to see how little they have and how much we have compared to them and try to enjoy our cozy home in the evening, the food, the good weather, the meeting with a friend, a good book and so on, instead of thinking and worrying about the past and the future as life slips between our fingers. The Bulgarian woman aborted her child because she had no income of BGN 1,500, for example, instead of enjoying motherhood here and now. There are gypsies on my street, who literally live in a substation house - they don't bother anyone, they feed on the things we throw in the trash. They objectively have more reason to worry, but they don't. When the weather is good, they don't even work (ie they don't walk in the baskets), they just take their cart in front of their "house" and lie down. They always greet people, feed various dogs that Bulgarians hit and beat, once in the evening they saved me from an aggressive drunkard. They earn BGN 20 a day from garbage, sometimes more. What is it for them to steal and cause problems? We live in a neighborhood with very rich people, really rich people - that's why the garbage is obviously good, but they live from it, while the rich and wealthy walk sullen, worried, hunched over, spend all day in the office or in various affairs, never even see the sun and always complain about something. I know people who don't even notice their children. It is never enough to be happy .... you are always waiting for something to happen, to meet someone (love) and the like and ONE DAY to be happy, and this day will never come, because both we want and we do not want -We live today, here and now. For example - I will be happy when I leave home. I will be happy when I graduate .... once I meet love, once I have a child, once I pay for my apartment .... and you are hit by a car without seeing what you have here and now, without telling your loved ones people, how do you feel without having a child, without even feeding a kitten, you haven't planted a tree and we don't want to - we live today, here and now. For example - I will be happy when I leave home. I will be happy when I graduate .... once I meet love, once I have a child, once I pay for my apartment .... and you are hit by a car without seeing what you have here and now, without telling your loved ones people, how do you feel without having a child, without even feeding a kitten, you haven't planted a tree and we don't want to - we live today, here and now. For example - I will be happy when I leave home. I will be happy when I graduate .... once I meet love, once I have a child, once I pay for my apartment .... and you are hit by a car without seeing what you have here and now, without telling your loved ones people, how do you feel without having a child, without even feeding a kitten, you haven't planted a tree

   It's all in your head and everyone can change their future. Follow your thoughts before they become words. Follow your words before they act. Follow your actions before they become habits. Follow your habits before they become your character. Follow your character before it becomes your destiny. M50

   From personal experience I can confirm what was said from number 1. For me personally from the books (there are them in the textbook and the spiral) and the videos on YouTube of Osho and Eckhart Tole, the light came on that I have not learned to live after a lifetime I was doomed to suffering. I knew I had a glitch, but I never realized what was wrong. In principle, this understanding achieves not only spiritual growth, but also physical (relationship, money, health, etc.), although the latter is not the real goal. But the paradox is that when you understand philosophy, money simply stops having the same value for you and that's when it starts coming into your life, even though it's no longer your goal. A quote from Osho: "Life goes on, always, always. There is no end goal to which it goes. Just the journey, the journey itself is life, not getting to a place. Dance and travel, move with joy without worrying about the end goal. What will you do when you get somewhere? No one has asked this question because everyone is trying to find a goal, a place to reach in life. But the hidden meaning… If you really achieve the goal of life, then what? Then you will look quite confused. You have nowhere to go, you have reached the final destination - and you have lost everything in the journey. You should have lost everything. So, you will stand naked at your ultimate goal and look like an idiot - what was the point? So much haste, so much worry - and here is the result. "The goal, the expectation, the hope, the desires are all a sign that you do not accept reality (the present). And reality is like gravity, it just has it and there is no force that can stop it. No matter how much you oppose it, it will it will crush you, it will overwhelm you, it will destroy you. Therefore, it is better to accept her and not oppose her, because she is everything you really have. You have nothing real in the future, it is just an illusion, an expectation of something better. But it only reminds you of what you don't have at the moment and your inner lack grows. But in fact you have everything in the present. I'm not saying to pretend how cool you are now. If you want, don't like it, but accept it as it is. Because even if you want, you won't change it. Either you accept it and let it carry you, or it carries you away like a raging current because you are too insignificant to it. Understand that setting a goal automatically dooms you to suffering. Even if you achieve it one day, you will still be afraid of losing it and you will want even more. Need presupposes fear and suffering. Because it is a lack and a fear that you will not get it or that you will lose it. "I want a connection" = "I'm afraid of loneliness". And even if you achieve your ultimate goal, as Osho says, then what follows, you will be empty, there will be nowhere to go. And what will you do for the rest of your life then? Do you see how meaningless desires and goals are? Imagine you are on your deathbed. For the rest of your life, you will not have experienced a single moment. You will always live in the future, ie in illusion. And eventually you will die in need again. And what would be the whole meaning of your whole life without a single fully experienced moment. If you are afraid, be afraid. Allow fear to be, to fulfill you. Everything, but do not resist. Fear lives from resistance, from lack. Do not resist even the bad. Let him fulfill his mission and leave only when he deems it necessary. It has a mission and it is no accident. If you oppose him, you only prolong his presence. The real power is to relax and trust reality. Yes, sometimes you may not like it, but she is all you have and is always with you. You like it, you don't like it - this is the reality and nothing else will happen at this moment. So learn to be at peace with her and be happy with her. You will not be happy with money, relationships, etc., because they are transient. And to have them today, God knows if you will have them tomorrow. And then what? Your happiness depends constantly on some temporary factors and you will live in fear that they will disappear (and with them your happiness)? Only reality is constant no matter what content it receives at any given time. She is always with you. Even if you die, it will still be with you (your consciousness). We have to experience every present moment because it is given to us for free. Even if you have 10 seconds left to live, you have to enjoy everything that is offered to you at the moment. Nobody deserves anything, everything is given to us for free. But even if nothing is given to us, we will still be complete, because our consciousness does not need anything. Even from the air. We are complete as we are. Everything is achieved, there is nothing to achieve. If we are still given - OK, but we can do without it. "He who has, he will be given and multiplied, and he who has, will take away what he has." That is, he who lacks, needs, will become even poorer in the physical world. He who is internally complete and does not feel lacking and is well, will be given to him physically. But it will not be a necessity, but will simply be the physical expression of his inner state. I know a psychologist. She told me that 90% of the rich and their customers are not happy. And this is because they have not achieved inner peace. You may have millions, but if you have not learned to live, they have no value. You can throw them in the trash, that's all. They are short, they buy palaces, they are happy for a few days and again something starts to bother them that it is not enough. They buy even bigger palaces, cars, women, but everything is temporary. Then something bites them again, some emptiness. Their philosophy is "I always have higher goals and nothing is ever enough." This understanding dooms them to complete suffering despite their wealth. If, as poor people, they gave it away for money, now they don't even know the reason and are in complete ignorance, embarrassed about what they are missing. In fact, they can't understand that they have everything and they don't have to buy anything to be happy. These purchases do not reduce the gap. But there is another TRAP in this understanding of life. If you set a goal of not having a goal, it is also a desire, it is also a rejection of reality here and now. Just relax and realize that whatever you do HERE and NOW is all you have. BUT don't confuse it with indifference. This is not indifference, but acceptance as it is. If you are poor, ok, accept that you are poor. Even if you don't like it, say to yourself: well, I'm poor, I may not like it, but it's me and I accept myself. I will not object and doom myself to suffering. If this is offered to me at the moment, let me be poor. Let poverty fill my life, if that is the will from above. THE MOST IMPORTANT thing is to understand that whatever attitude you have towards REALITY, it will have the same attitude towards you. If you hate her, she will hate you, if she is indifferent to you, she will be indifferent to you. If you respect her, she will respect you too. But she is a million times more powerful than you. So your attitude comes back to you, but many times more as a force. Just imagine if you want a friendship with her what kind of friendship you will get. It is like a stormy current that sweeps away everything in its path. How can you not feel respect for such a force. If you swim against the current, you will not swim a meter. Even if you swim it, you will be exhausted in seconds and it is only a matter of time before it takes you back. But if you use this current to move lower, you will have a reliable partner who will cooperate with you. Your imagination is poor, what a bliss it is when you stop worrying, your stomach stops shrinking into a ball, your fears stop, etc. The feeling of not depending on any goals and desires and just living the way you are given is unbelievable. Full freedom. Your radiance changes, your vision, your whole body chemistry. Stress hormones are gone, your body is rejuvenating. People are looking for your contact, they sense your inner balance, harmony and peace in you. This makes it easier for you to find a better and paid job, contacts, connections, they trust you. In general, new opportunities open up before you. The whole world opens its doors to you when you yourself say YES to everything in your life as it is. But remember - not opening these doors is the goal, there is no goal, this is only a minor consequence. Life has no purpose, life itself is a goal. When you walk, it is not important where you will go, but the walk itself. Wherever you go, you will be enriched by the walk itself. Let life offer itself to you, and you just tell it YES. Do not seek, do not desire, have no goals. In general, new opportunities open up before you. The whole world opens its doors to you when you yourself say YES to everything in your life as it is. But remember - not opening these doors is the goal, there is no goal, this is only a minor consequence. Life has no purpose, life itself is a goal. When you walk, it is not important where you will go, but the walk itself. Wherever you go, you will be enriched by the walk itself. Let life offer itself to you, and you just tell it YES. Do not seek, do not desire, have no goals. In general, new opportunities open up before you. The whole world opens its doors to you when you yourself say YES to everything in your life as it is. But remember - not opening these doors is the goal, there is no goal, this is only a minor consequence. Life has no purpose, life itself is a goal. When you walk, it is not important where you will go, but the walk itself. Wherever you go, you will be enriched by the walk itself. Let life offer itself to you, and you just tell it YES. Do not seek, do not desire, have no goals. Let life offer itself to you, and you just tell it YES. Do not seek, do not desire, have no goals. Let life offer itself to you, and you just tell it YES. Do not seek, do not desire, have no goals.

   Number 1 is super straight. The ego wants us more and more, it is never satisfied with what it has. He thinks that he will be happy when something happens, and if this thing finally happens, he invents something new that needs to happen in order to be happy again. And so 99% of people serve their Ego ... The very dream of something good happening to us generates pleasantly false Ego emotions in us, and when the thing itself happens to us, its energy is already low and does not impress us. That's why we invent something new that we want to happen to us ... and so the cycle continues - we live in our thoughts that something pleasant will happen to us, instead of living without expectations here and now. Like number 1, I can recommend other books and authors related to life at the moment - Eckhart Tolle has a strong influence on me personally in this direction ("The Power of the Present" and "New Earth" ). Every book on Buddhism will have many truths on the subject - 2,500 years ago, the Buddha realized the "problem" of the author and most people - attachments. Attachments to the material, or to the approval of others, to the approval of God, to the observance of social norms, or to a certain way of life, etc. This philosophy also lies in Christianity, but it is absolutely misinterpreted by the masses of people and by the church, unfortunately. My exercise for living here and now is when I notice that my mind is starting to get lost in the present, to think about what I am doing right now. Now, you are in front of the screen and you are reading this sentence at the moment. Probably the very reading of the sentence has caused your attention to turn to the present moment. There is a Buddhist wisdom on the subject that I do not remember in detail, but in essence it is: When I sit, I know I am sitting. When I eat, I know I eat. When I walk, I know I'm walking.

   n 9 and the rest, n 1 am. Thanks for reading my post. I will definitely read the things you recommended. It's very difficult to live in the present, I'm not saying it's easy. Contact with children, with various animals (in my case a cat) helps a lot. For example, my cat does not worry about whether the weather will be good tomorrow, whether there will be food. When he has the sun, he goes to bed and gets hot, and when there is no sun and it rains, he licks and sleeps under a blanket. Sometimes I buy him some luxury food - when he has it, he is sincerely happy. When he's not there - he'll eat cheap, but he'll never worry about whether or not he'll - even if I'm gone tomorrow, he'll find a solution - he'll live outside, hunt mice and birds, and survive again, but why to worry about this "tomorrow" like today, here and now there is a warm home and food? Why not enjoy the cheap food TODAY, which will satiate him and fill his stomach to grieve for the luxurious one? Another example - when we go somewhere we empty our entire refrigerator, and it is always generally charged. Two or three bags of Metro from the big ones collect all sorts of things. We put them on the wall of the substation and it doesn't take more than 10 minutes to watch someone take them. I always wondered who it was and thought they were homeless until I once saw people sweeping the streets every day (not on schedule, but hired) pick up their bags. They don't think long - the food may be bad, it may even be poisoned or something like we would do. No, they enjoy juices, chocolates, nutella, cheese, fruit, vegetables, salami and most of all they enjoy nonsense, which are not essential - immediately distribute things, sit down and have a picnic. When it is very warm, I take bottles of water from the fridge to them - they are happy like little children. If they don't sleep, however, they are not sad. Tomorrow there will be no bag of food, maybe in weeks someone will leave them, but they are glad that TODAY THERE IS. However, we are used to not noticing the small but most important things until we lose them. For example, everyone knows what it's like to lose a loved one - even grandparents. What annoys you the most is that you didn't tell the person during your life how much you love him, how important he was to you, how much he gave you, you didn't spend time with this person, although it would be nice for you ... instead you are found two more jobs to pay for the new furniture. Some people live all year round for summer vacations and holidays. Do you know when most families separate - just then! Just a whole year instead of living here and now you have projected all your expectations on these days, and just then your wife is in menses and does not want sex, your children have caught some nasty flu, someone cares about your car tires or it's just time bad ... for cover you can crash on the highway with your brand new paid car, for which you worked on Saturdays and Sundays ... One of the happiest people I know lives 7 months at least in the year of the sea FIRST LINE. Just after the crisis, many plots remained undeveloped. This man is retired - he found and asked the owner and with his permission he put a caravan on the plot, there is electricity and water even until they start building, he lives there and enjoys the good weather and nature. I asked him once - "Well, what are you going to do if they decide to build someday" - ... what did he tell me to be alive and healthy. I will be very happy, because I have been enjoying this plot for 5 years now, they are nice people, I hope they have this happiness too ", and I will find another place - look around, it is full of places. I look around and I don't see exactly such a good plot, but look - he doesn't worry that he will be evicted one day, he has accepted the inevitable, but he enjoys the here and now, because only this is the real thing - what will happen ... .it's in the stars and it's not real. ... to this day they have not started building, they live in the noisy and dirty city and probably work every day, spinning deals dark and white and who knows if they will live to enjoy their plot first line. However, the grandfather has been baking for years and is at sea every day. I was in a very bad situation. Like the Author, I lived for various purposes in the past and when I achieved them I fell into weightlessness and ... I just couldn't get out of bed. I was overcome by apathy, deep depression. I realized how empty and lonely my life was ... and yes, it was "Heal My Life" that accidentally changed my life then. I had nothing to lose, I just read, watched the videos and performed the methods there to the best of my ability. Within 6 months, my life turned 180 degrees. ж30 Within 6 months, my life turned 180 degrees. ж30 Within 6 months, my life turned 180 degrees.