Hello. I never believed I would write here about something I thought was impossible. I thought that these things only exist in the movies and that they can't happen to me. But alas .. I have a long relationship. We met as teenagers - a children's joke. Over time, this tease turned into love. We went through a lot, but we are still together today. I love him very much. Somehow, I had formed an idea for him that he was different from the other boy (now a man). Not for anything else - he just behaved like that. In general, everything was calm. Until a month ago, when we quarreled and I saw his other side. He confessed to me about things he did (it's not about infidelity), he literally led a double life. I stood, listened, and was just asleep. Everything fell apart in a split second. On the one hand, I was glad that he still decided to tell me, and on the other hand, I wondered if I was really so dumb that I didn't suspect or feel anything. Now I stand and wonder how many more things I don't know about and whether I should know them. Who is this person at all and is it worth it to start a family with him one day I'm confused. Something violent broke in me, but I didn't leave it. And should I? It's awful to have shared so much love and life with someone and it all shattered in literally seconds. My topic is quite vague and questionable, but I think that a person who has gone through the same can understand what is written and give me advice, even though I have not specified many things. Thank you! Who is this person at all and is it worth starting a family with him one day? I'm confused. Something violent broke in me, but I didn't leave it. And should I? It's awful to have shared so much love and life with someone and it all shattered in literally seconds. My topic is quite vague and questionable, but I think that a person who has gone through the same can understand what is written and give me advice, even though I have not specified many things. Thank you! Who is this person at all and is it worth it to start a family with him one day? I'm confused. Something violent broke in me, but I didn't leave it. And should I? It's awful to have shared so much love and life with someone and it all shattered in literally seconds. My topic is quite vague and questionable, but I think that a person who has gone through the same can understand what is written and give me advice, although I have not specified many things. Thank you!
Answers 14
Don't deal with this person anymore. If you stay with him, you won't trust him, he has no support, you won't be able to love such a person. You will hate him very soon - because he didn't justify your trust and commitment, which you had all the time to him.Everything will become meaningless, your life will have no fulcrums.I guess you are used to it and wonder how you will live without it.You will not end your life, be sure.There will be and another time before you. Good luck.
And how are you going to create this family without trust
I know I'll sound like your grandmother, but ... Girl, burn your brains. The family is created and built with trust. You have lost an essential ingredient ... love, the blind have mostly ruined not one but two lives. If in doubt - run.
It was the same for me, 3 years of relationship, great love, great miracle ... I supposedly knew him, but in the end I went to work in his city and lived with him, finally I realized that he started selling drugs, that he took loans, that also takes drugs .. He has changed a lot and I was wondering if he is the same person .. I just went to see if he was going for such a serious stage of our relationship and he failed. He hadn't looked for his parents for 3 months, and they finally blamed me, and I didn't know. I made him call them and he lied to me that he had already called, and in the end I understood that .. So they ruined me mentally .. And he covered himself because they did not know that he was selling and they attacked me because I there was no way I could hide, given that I was not to blame. Anyway, I came, broke up with him and when I came I decided to give a chance to a man - my current friend. He has proved to me what he is like for a year now, we showed our dirty shirts from the very beginning and we already know our characters. And I couldn't understand the character at all, in the end I felt, no matter that I had been with a radically different person before ... The separation was hard, but when I came home I didn't shed a tear, I just realized what I had won and what I lost from his nonsense .. I didn't have many ..
Your reaction tells you that he may have been right to hide from you. If it's something that goes against your understanding, then you're right to be angry. But without clarifying, it turns out that you are some kind of panicker who cannot accept the person as he is, but you are enslaved to your fantasies. You can't ask for advice without saying what it is all about. Otherwise there is no point in writing here.
What does double life mean? If he told you that he goes out for a run, but actually drinks beer with friends ... what ?! If he hasn't cheated on you ... Isn't he a secret agent to have confessed to you just now?
It is very unclear for a good comment. One general conclusion - when people are attracted, they present their best and most attractive sides to each other. If you dig a lot, you want to "get to know him", "understand", allow serious quarrels in which there is a loss of nerves, etc. then you can see features that you will not like. And the last thing I know will be a disadvantage again, not that I'm napping is the conclusion that I don't get tired of repeating - a woman can't judge correctly, that's a fact. To those who will challenge it in the style of "female intuition is not wrong", where is the author's female intuition now, her little ones in the beginning and other similar nonsense? Were they able to protect her from wrong turns? No, but do you know how many right people are repulsed because of these things? A lot.
So, dear people (this also applies to the author of the topic "Huge Secret" - I realize that you may not want to share some facts, but this is firstly an anonymous site, secondly the commenters do not have a crystal ball with which to guess what, ajeba se consists in the double life of your halves or what a huge secret you have learned.In this case, the post contains a lot of unnecessary information, but the real, key point is overlooked, on the basis of which we could reflect and give a more useful comment. double life without infidelity - is the person homo or would he be sexual, does he like gambling, does he go to strip clubs, does he get drunk with friends, is he a drug addict ?! There are so many options and not everyone can get single answer.
It depends on what exactly it is. I will give you an example. I have a girlfriend who was with a man who generally harassed her from the beginning, but she didn't get that bad impression. He was shaking himself, doing nonsense, but that didn't bother her either. It so happened that she became pregnant by him. He was beating her pregnant, she realized he was in prison. She did not leave him, he began to cheat on her. He didn't give five bucks for the child, and in the end she left him. However, the child is in his name. He took money from moneylenders, went on with the nonsense, and was eventually killed. Yes, on the day he had to go to her and his child, he chose to be with some mistress, they went to some abandoned building, but there were some others like thugs and moneylenders who beat him and killed him. I lay in a coma for a long time, but it's gone .... and now looking for my girlfriend is her child. And he dragged them. Separately, this boy's family is the same as his and they are harassing her. If your husband is something that comes even a little closer to that, disappear. Unless you want the same thing to happen to you. A man must be chosen very delicately, the important thing is to be able to protect his family adequately and not to drag them into nonsense or endanger their lives. I also loved for years a man who I thought was my great love, I even wanted to start a family with him, but I opened my eyes that he was irresponsible and unaware of himself. Such a person would pull me down. I don't know what he did in your case, but if it's something like that, don't. disappear. Unless you want the same thing to happen to you. A man must be chosen very delicately, the important thing is to be able to protect his family adequately and not to drag them into nonsense or endanger their lives. I also loved for years a man who I thought was my great love, I even wanted to start a family with him, but I opened my eyes that he was irresponsible and unaware of himself. Such a person would pull me down. I don't know what he did in your case, but if it's something like that, don't. disappear. Unless you want the same thing to happen to you. A man must be chosen very delicately, the important thing is to be able to protect his family adequately and not to drag them into nonsense or endanger their lives. I also loved for years a man who I thought was my great love, I even wanted to start a family with him, but I opened my eyes that he was irresponsible and unaware of himself. Such a person would pull me down. I don't know what he did in your case, but if it's something like that, don't. that he is irresponsible and unaware of himself. Such a person would pull me down. I don't know what he did in your case, but if it's something like that, don't. that he is irresponsible and unaware of himself. Such a person would pull me down. I don't know what he did in your case, but if it's something like that, don't.
Ah women, women, whatever you write each of you here on this site all and believe. Doesn't it occur to you that the author invents stories so that she is not bored alone in her home. Well, she doesn't say anything about what he admitted to her, but asks for advice. It was not infidelity !!! and what could have been not to mention it. The person may have played cards with friends or chess with a special person, or he may have been to some sporting event. If she was angry that he was taking time for such things, it was very clear that he had not mentioned them to her. Nooo he led a double life. What a cruel accusation. Tell her it's not worth starting a family with such a person. But keep reading and you will see what ridiculous reasons he will invent for his double life, and in history he failed to tell them. Maybe she needs time to come up with them and you can give her the right advice.
Author, there is no way to seek adequate advice here in this way. Apparently they wrote to you in comments that it is impossible to perceive what you put into a double life. If he sells drugs and is a gambler, fuck him, but if they are some little things that only irritate. Talk and clarify. The relationship and family are not black and white.
And I appeal for more details, even the age of the parties and the duration of the relationship! :) And since I don't know if there will be such details, I will write my guess. According to what I read, I bet most on the probability that it is a criminal activity.
Well, everyone has a "different side". If you are not ready to accept it with both sides, what do you do with someone at all? Stay alone and whistle ...
Once you get there to ask strangers, then it's not worth it.