How the other person took you for granted is psychological gum, if I may say so. The reality is far more cruel... In my opinion, the arguments of both sexes are different, but the end result is the same...
For a man who gets too easy, it's no longer a challenge. Most men look at a woman as a trophy, so the harder he has won it, the more valuable it is to hang it on the wall. If he hasn't put in any effort, it means nothing to him. This is also the irony that many women see that men constantly seek light women for sex, but at the same time most spit on them. Actually, it's not that weird, it's the same as not cherishing easy prey. Not that you're going to bring her back when you're offered yourself, but it's not something you'il remember.
Some women have the same, because they "hunt" for top men (understand famous and rich). But because for women, 99% of men are "average work", "ordinary", do not put as much effort, and their test is rather passive. They think - if I turned his head so easily, and he snubed in love and fidelity so quickly, then this is a man with no options. Dominant males in nature have a lot of females, they are not known to attach so much importance to a female. A man who attaches great importance to a woman is perceived as "beta", the woman wonders if she is the only one who let him go, not to have lied in her judgment. This comes from the herd thinking, which is characteristic of people, and especially for women. If a man is of quality, many other females must have appreciated it and hovered around him. That's why many women, especially young and inexperienced yet, get into married men. When a man doesn't care about her, they're at the peak of their "love." That means the male is dominant and there are many others like her fighting for his attention. If she wins it, it's a brief joy for her because she's overcome the competition and proven herself to be about her choice and ability. But then, when he finds out this man is just hers, he stops respecting him. If you don't understand biology, just listen to what disgust every woman talks about her husband who has stopped looking at someone else's (and look at him). If she stops complaining that your eyes are singatering, she starts complaining that you're such a piece of that she's the only fool left with you.
In this is also the part of the gap between the sexes. If a woman was a valuable trophy at first, the man will always remember it with nostalgia if you will, and will cherish it, that is. he is able to be with a woman in a long-term relationship (even if there are "sightings"). On the contrary, a woman expects the man to constantly prove himself as such, and her attitude in most cases constantly degrades to a man. That's why most divorces are initiated by women. A woman subconsciously always looks for a man who has dominant behavior towards her. If this is over, you're no longer a man in her eyes. And I want to point out that by "dominance" here does not mean some idealized behavior or qualities as some try to get it out (as an example PUA). You can be the boss at work, you can make a lot of money, you might even be famous. But personally, in the eyes of your wife, in which you've invested so much, you're nothing. Because when you give her everything, you become nothing in her eyes. A woman is always looking for a man who is more than that, so you should never give her everything. But men tend to do it to "have peace." Unfortunately, they don't know the biology of their "partner," and things like feminism, gendarms, immorality are global results from this delusion of "have peace." On this planet, only three things are certain - taxes, death, and fighting to the last breath...
It happens to me all the time. It hurts a lot, especially when they take you for granted and start messing with your feelings and your dignity. You're doing the right thing- people like that don't have a place in your life. There's no way you can hold someone. A man who values you will want to be with you, give, retreat, seek reciprocity.
I'm a 31-year-old woman who's been married since I was 11. I married a virgin, I loved my husband naïvely and unreservedly, I had no eyes for anyone else. Of course in this life can not be without problems, he slyed on gambling, we are in debt. I've always been and still behind him, he knows that whatever he's doing, I'm behind him. I compromised after a compromise, and at one point I lost myself, I don't recognize myself. The truth is, the more you give to someone, he shouts at it and starts not to appreciate it, he doesn't even notice the victim of the other. I especially for myself I think I give everything respect, support, compromises to someone who does not deserve it. Another man would be pleased with much less, nothing to do for me is too late to correct my mistake. People have said "the one who loves more is always a loser" I say it from personal experience.
Number three, I've been looking for you my whole life!
I agree with number one on "psychological gum" and even those stated in the post. The question is how to overcome these stumbling blocks in the face of mature relationships. It seems to me that the answer is precisely in the concept of "mature relations". Because when the two of them in a relationship - each one at a time - grew up and realized themselves as personalities, the herd complex was mastered. You're not looking for the alpha male anymore, you're looking for the partner who complements you. You find him, you start working for the relationship, you play team, you don't compete with the guy across the street. Then you have no fear of investing energy, time and money, because the profit is split between the two. I dare say that I achieved this balance in my second marriage. At first, we were both too young and irresponsible for their relationship, because everyone felt harmed and unrewarded for the efforts they made. Now - later - I realized that "giving" is normal, to "want" - too. But, most importantly, the cards should be on the table! When I want something, I tell my husband. I don't expect him to be psychic and the stars just talk to him about my needs. He, if he's aware of my needs, responds. And vice versa- when he tells me what he wants, I do. We discuss absolutely everything and especially who feels how. Perhaps it is in full communication (it is difficult to build, by the way! ) lies the key of the shed.
Number five, did you find me?
That's my friend's thesis... we love each other, but sometimes when arguing (which is rare with us) it reminds me that he keeps thinking the same way. There's no retreat or anything like that over time. It's a simple statement in the style of "You see, this principle is confirmed" :) And it's a small mistake on my part, as if to forget my overall attitude, gestures, etc. Well, I can't be perfect. So much depends on what the other person understands by "dedication" and what his ability to express how he feels. Sometimes the lack of a gesture doesn't mean yours aren't appreciated. It's complicated.
1 musscllegay2 answered