Hello, I want to share the things in my life that remain somewhere in my mind and weigh on me. I share here because the people around me do not understand me. I tell you briefly about my old relationship, because to some extent it may have influenced me about the current closed person I am at the moment. I had a relationship that started when I was 14, the boy was 17. Our relationship was not going well at first, although I did my best for him, because he was still thinking about his ex-girlfriend, and I was his entertainment. . After a while I even realized that he was writing to her, but the quarrels passed gradually, from that moment I did not feel the same way, I knew that I had never been loved. Some time passed, he forgot her somewhat, but maybe he secretly remembered her sometimes, it was obvious in the way he treated me, it made me very sad. After graduating from high school he went abroad ... we promised to wait, we talked on Skype in the beginning everything was fine, but then I didn't feel the same way I had the feeling that I shouldn't wait for him because there was so much things that divided us rather than brought us together. We broke up after a while, and when he came together we got together again, our relationship improved, we were very happy, but then my father found out about him, and he did not like it at all, because he was not Bulgarian. I suffered evenings for fear of going home or going out, I suffered insults, swearing, slaps, because of a person who would never put me first, and I, if not everything, risked too much. He left again this year, because of his mother he came back in 2 weeks, but for my birthday he couldn't stay ... I loved him very much, but I left him again, because he wasn't there, and this lack was killing me .. I need the man to be next to me, not far away .. I have very bad memories from a young age, which come back every time our people start arguing and fighting and I fall into strange states, which are momentary and not only because I really needed him to be with me, but he was not there. For those 5 months, during which I was completely alone, I went to a psychologist, I was on antidepressants for a very short time, I had no desire for anything, I didn't talk much, I forgot what it's like to be happy, I looked back at the dark past, but I forgot about everything so far , the pain was almost gone. Another person appeared, took my number, came for me on my birthday, invited me to a meeting, but at this first meeting he told me that he had not broken up with his ex, she was a colleague of mine, who I had not before.
I liked him as a person, so I didn't really care who she was. I accepted him and told him that there was no problem and I would wait as long as necessary. It was harder for me than I thought ... Then I believed him that he had no feelings for her, that it was all over, but gradually I realized that the bad feeling that accompanied me and told me to run away from this man, every time remembering his act was not a lie and I had to listen to my intuition, but all the dreams for both of us that we both dreamed gave me hope. On his birthday, she called him from another number, he asked her where he was, since then my trust in him has disappeared .. We kind of lived together even though I didn't realize it, I was slowly taking things out of my house to I'm next to this person. I found the answers to the questions I wanted to know from him. He told me he would never forget her, she was a part of his life ... it hurt me a lot, but I did not give up on him, but at this stage I knew that I could only be by his side, because no matter how much he hid, it was obvious that he was in pain and heavy (as well as me), but he himself did not want to continue forward, back to the past.
Didn't I help him come back? He kept talking that we couldn't do it, I thought so too, but I knew it would pass in time. We blamed each other for the bad deeds, we quarreled ... I'm also guilty, it's not just him, but am I guilty because I got sick from all this and I couldn't swallow it? Am I to blame for closing myself to others because of the bad things that happened to me? Am I to blame for going through everything so hard? Am I to blame for wanting someone to be everything to, not a handkerchief to rub my pain with?
We are now separated, for now we could only remain friends, but I can't believe he asked for something more, and we even live on the same street ... It's all over, how can the wound heal and the pain go away? How can I continue to be the person I was more than a year ago - smiling, friendly, happy. How can I erase all bad memories in the past, where can I find a person who, despite being closed, will accept me as I am without reproach, without wanting to change me, with whom it will not be such a problem if we are sometimes silent? Does it make sense to look, since after every relationship I don't trust people more and more, I'm just disappointed in them ... The weather has healed, I hope it will heal this wound as well, but until then it will hurt ... how to heal the wound and pass the pain? How can I continue to be the person I was more than a year ago - smiling, friendly, happy. How can I erase all bad memories in the past, where can I find a person who, despite being closed, will accept me as I am without reproach, without wanting to change me, with whom it will not be such a problem if we are sometimes silent? Does it make sense to look, since after every relationship I don't trust people more and more, I'm just disappointed in them ... The weather has healed, I hope it will heal this wound as well, but until then it will hurt ... how to heal the wound and pass the pain? How can I continue to be the person I was more than a year ago - smiling, friendly, happy. How can I erase all bad memories in the past, where can I find a person who, despite being closed, will accept me as I am without reproach, without wanting to change me, with whom it will not be such a problem if we are sometimes silent? Does it make sense to look, since after every relationship I don't trust people more and more, I'm just disappointed in them ... The weather has healed, I hope it will heal this wound as well, but until then it will hurt ... if we are sometimes silent?
Does it make sense to look, since after every relationship I don't trust people more and more, I'm just disappointed in them ... The weather has healed, I hope it will heal this wound as well, but until then it will hurt ... if we are sometimes silent? Does it make sense to look, since after every relationship I don't trust people more and more, I'm just disappointed in them ... The weather has healed, I hope it will heal this wound as well, but until then it will hurt ...
1 nogcaio answered
You wrote a whole novel.