Hello, The question has been bothering me for some time, but lately it has become quite relevant given some cataclysms in my life. I am 29 years old, a man and I am not what I want to be. I had a very troubled childhood, terrible parents. As a child, I was quite closed and congested. I try to work on myself, lately after a personal cataclysm, quite hard. I absorb books and seminars for positive thinking, I try to become more confident in my relationships with women, to put my financial situation in order, to play sports actively, to go out and socialize. Where successful, where not, but my current life is, to put it mildly, unsatisfactory and at least I should try to change it. And here comes the influence of the environment. As much as we deny it, it is huge. My friends (five in all) are good people, I could always count on them. But they have, to a greater or lesser extent, those shortcomings that I don't like at home - they are lazy and inert, they are satisfied with little, they think they know everything, they have low self-esteem and some of them are terribly suspicious and negative. Not all of them have all these traits, some have more, others less, but this is the general picture.
My friends are not people I have much to learn from. I don't have anything to teach them either, they don't want to, and I won't force my worldview on them. But the next question comes - these people, despite their shortcomings, have proven over time that they are loyal and I can count on them. I really only have them. Without them, I have to stand alone. It is difficult to make friends after school or at most student years. Especially for men. There are already contacts and acquaintances. I've been close to people in different places, on which I worked, but everything cooled down after someone left work. I want to have positive and confident people around me from whom to learn. But I don't know how to attract such people. I myself am not like that and it is normal for such people to avoid me. Here comes the moral aspect - it's stupid to dump people who have always been by my side.
Although lately, I've started to avoid a close friend of mine - it's just terribly negative and burdens me a lot. He has the same problems as me, and when we see each other, they seem to get worse, instead of helping each other. I see my other friends, who are not so burdensome, but less often, and I try not to let them influence me. But I still feel that this environment is pulling me down. I think I'll stay at their disposal if anyone needs me, but just spend less time with them. To do more with studying, books, sports, attending seminars. Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you cope? How did you find new people to help you develop? For women, it seems easier - a charming smile and you get used to it. While men guard our territory and find it harder to let people in.
1 dripbliss answered
You are 29 years old! Friends that they are important - they are important, but it's time for you to think about a career, a serious relationship, greater success, and such people only stop you! You can't dump them all at once, but gradually move away, avoid them, focus on something you love to do, and start changing for the better. Change your attitude towards the world, think positively and optimistically, you will see how the cheerful character affects the people around you and how you will start to attract them. And if you find a decent and good friend, her friends can become yours, in general you can find completely new people who will make you feel good. Friendship is not a pact of allegiance, there are other feelings involved, friends should encourage you and help you progress in life. And these people don't! As for motivation, take a look at the movie "The Secret", which tells about the Law of Attraction and how it will help you in life, it helped me personally in many ways. There are a variety of listening videos on YouTube, which are subconscious messages to charge with positive energy, higher self-confidence, sociability, success. It sounds crazy, but they help and I say it from personal experience.