What's Wrong With Me?-anna01566

The Story

I'm starting to think something is seriously wrong with me. First I have to say that I have no problems with my father. When I was 14, he went to work abroad and came home several times a year, and sometimes his mother traveled with him. After 7 years, my mother went to him permanently. I'm not the only child. My brother also left, but elsewhere he does not live with them. They are married, not divorced. I know a lot, and we are close enough with them, there have been no infidelities. Although my father was not physically at home, he was always there to talk to him about both good and bad. We hear each other at least 3 times a week. I visit them when I have weeks off. They have their disagreements, but nothing striking. I have not witnessed domestic violence in my home. In general, a stable family environment. My father is demanding, but he was never one of those cold fathers whose attention we must exhaust. My mother is the most trusted person in this world, she is so close to me. My brother and I also have a very good relationship. I explain all this because often in psychology things are first related to the family. I also had a happy relationship before the story I was going to tell, and I had a failed one. And maybe sometimes I have a big ego, but I've trampled on it sometimes, it's not in some extreme. More than 2 years ago I met a boy. I liked him visually, but I was strongly attracted to his qualities. An earthly, humane, positive and somehow innate leader without being domineering or aggressive. From those people who, even if they annoyed you with something just when you see them, you feel cool. Really very nice boy. He liked me too, but soon after he chose another girl in front of me. Maybe because he had known her for a long time, maybe because it would have been easier for him. If you were with me after the end of the summer, we both had to travel because we are from different cities, although we both have that opportunity. Anyway, it doesn't matter. My reaction is disturbing. An epic of roar, depression and a whole range of consequences of the injured ego. For months, even more than a year, these moments pressed on me. And wedge-wedge kills, so I sank even deeper. In the beginning, everything was a joke and jokes for a long time. I "slipped" on someone I see almost every day and I will have to see in the future, which was quite ill-conceived on my part. On top of that, I allowed myself such emotional attachment to this person, without us having or having had sex more than a few times and apart from that we were perceived as friends in the true sense of the word. He knew what I was feeling for him. We have argued many times that we want different things. We must have had many more quarrels than sex when we hit the mark. And of course, I didn't miss the opportunity to show up when he needed something. At times I suffer from some absurd altruism bordering on masochism. In the end, we agreed to remain just friends because he didn't want a relationship and didn't know if he would ever want one. I was okay with that, but I didn't hear it for the first time, and we've talked about it before. And it was for the best. Nothing worked for us, but nothing. We didn't just go out anywhere, we have mutual friends and we meet at a table next to them. We both drank coffee, but more within an even more businesslike than friendly tone. A few other cases where we talked really like friends. We met at my quarters. Sex wasn't right, I didn't admit it to him so I wouldn't hurt him. He was not interested in what was happening to me or around me, and if I tried to share something he countered me with a line. I volunteered as a trash can for his mental waste. His entire indiscriminate sex life is in itself a cry for help. He is aggressive. He insulted me, rude me, accused me unfairly. I know this person is unreliable in general. I know that in his relations with people in general and women in particular, the only thing that excites him is to get the maximum benefit, for which he is ready for anything, even to trample the pale traces of principles in himself. But everything was fine, because we were friends after all, and the friends forgive each other and accept each other as they are. Since we had done each other a few small favors, I believed that we were like that and that somewhere in this person there was another country. It turned out that this man was no friend of mine and didn't care in the least what was happening to me. I supported him in his difficult moments and I didn't do it expecting something in return, but when I saw that he didn't even care about me because he knew I had a problem, it was over. I'm not talking about two or three days of disinterest, I'm talking about weeks.

He's not even my friend, I'm just trying to keep a good tone, because I don't want to need to end my relationship with a circle of people because of him. And the lid! 2 months after we agreed to stop having sex, because of our different desires, he started a relationship he didn't want with another. I have nothing to comment on him. To most people, when you list shortcomings at a certain point, you come to a "but" and start listing positive qualities. I can't even think of a "but". So what's wrong with me? I have a clear idea of good and evil. I admit that although I saw, ignored or denied some of the shortcomings of the latter, it was still clear that this was a doomed cause. There is no logical reason for me to have such a strong emotional attachment to this person. I was obviously wrong in believing that this man could be my real friend. We didn't fit in the real sex either. He is rude to people in general, not only to me, he suppresses their joy and self-confidence. Even his very energy of presence is unpleasant to me. Which is the opposite of what I like in men and especially in men. Then why had I clung to the idea that everything was fixable and could work? Why didn't I step on it when I could? Why do I still feel sorry for some of the difficulties he went through, even though he was not even interested in the fact that I also faced unpleasant things and it was not easy for me? Why did I roar so much and feel terrible about it? What's wrong with me? Give me a diagnosis, if you want, advice, opinions, maybe professional, but explain to me what could be the reason for such inappropriate behavior on my part. Because I really believe that I know myself well, but I can't explain it to myself. How did this come about? I started because people aren't always what they seem, but once it became clear who the person in the case was I didn't understand why I went on? Or at least what is the reason? Where to read more?

And before I read the comments about the "bad boys", I liked them, but I also liked the meek. This is not about an adventurous mischievous "bad boy" character at all. Here we are talking about the fact that all the time I see and most of the time I realize in what emotional and mental state this person is. Then what is the reason for my unhealthy reaction? Is my behavior in both cases related and due to something I miss? Or is my reaction in the second case reciprocal and the one in question affected me, I kind of reacted regressively? yes I liked them, but I also liked the meek. This is not about an adventurous mischievous "bad boy" character at all. Here we are talking about the fact that all the time I see and most of the time I realize in what emotional and mental state this person is. Then what is the reason for my unhealthy reaction? Is my behavior in both cases related and due to something I miss? Or is my reaction in the second case reciprocal and the one in question affected me, I kind of reacted regressively? yes I liked them, but I also liked the meek. This is not about an adventurous mischievous "bad boy" character at all. Here we are talking about the fact that all the time I see and most of the time I realize in what emotional and mental state this person is. Then what is the reason for my unhealthy reaction? Is my behavior in both cases related and due to something I miss? Or is my reaction in the second case reciprocal and the one in question affected me, I kind of reacted regressively? Then what is the reason for my unhealthy reaction? Is my behavior in both cases related and due to something I miss? Or is my reaction in the second case reciprocal and the one in question affected me, I kind of reacted regressively? Then what is the reason for my unhealthy reaction? Is my behavior in both cases related and due to something I miss? Or is my reaction in the second case reciprocal and the one in question affected me, I kind of reacted regressively?

Last Updated

September 30, 2020

Author:

anna01566

Comments

Published on: September 30, 2020

It's called inertia. Emotion creates a movement that is difficult to break. There are exactly 2 options, probably equally bad: - to get stuck on a dysfunctional connection - to jump from connection to connection. Most people can't stop on their own because they don't have the will. But even if you have, of course it's still painful, and over time it burdens ... By the way, people are very interesting to me because they keep wondering what's wrong with them, as if they think that by " fix it ”and their lives will improve. Why do you suppose that life can be something different from what you see? Think about it. The meaning of life is survival and selfishness. Everyone does everything without trying to pursue their own interests. In your opinion, can such a scheme lead to anything other than suffering? It doesn't matter at all, what exactly you choose in it - whether you play it good or bad - in the end you will always lose. I'm sorry for the pessimistic view, but sometimes it's better to realize how life works, and stop blaming yourself for some things ... That's right, you're the initiator of these things, and it's good to see him, because for most everyone else is the problem. But once you see it, you must also see that it is in the nature of life. Many do not understand why there are ascetics, monks, that ajaba these people have turned their backs on these "fruits", "gifts" of life. Why did they stop. Because they have seen something that most do not see. Of course, the average person cannot achieve this, but he can still learn to stop, to be alone, to clear his mind a little, to process all this information. I'm sorry for the pessimistic view, but sometimes it's better to realize how life works, and stop blaming yourself for some things ... That's right, you're the initiator of these things, and it's good to see it, because for most it's still different. is the problem. But once you see it, you must also see that it is in the nature of life. Many do not understand why there are ascetics, monks, that ajaba these people have turned their backs on these "fruits", "gifts" of life. Why did they stop. Because they have seen something that most do not see. Of course, the average person cannot achieve this, but he can still learn to stop, to be alone, to clear his mind a little, to process all this information. I'm sorry for the pessimistic view, but sometimes it's better to realize how life works, and stop blaming yourself for some things ... That's right, you're the initiator of these things, and it's good to see him, because for most everyone else is the problem. But once you see it, you must also see that it is in the nature of life. Many do not understand why there are ascetics, monks, that ajaba these people have turned their backs on these "fruits", "gifts" of life. Why did they stop. Because they have seen something that most do not see. Of course, the average person cannot achieve this, but he can still learn to stop, to be alone, to clear his mind a little, to process all this information. and it's good to see it, because for most it's the other problem. But once you see it, you must also see that it is in the nature of life. Many do not understand why there are ascetics, monks, that ajaba these people have turned their backs on these "fruits", "gifts" of life. Why did they stop. Because they have seen something that most do not see. Of course, the average person cannot achieve this, but he can still learn to stop, to be alone, to clear his mind a little, to process all this information. and it's good to see it, because for most it's the other problem. But once you see it, you must also see that it is in the nature of life. Many do not understand why there are ascetics, monks, that ajaba these people have turned their backs on these "fruits", "gifts" of life. Why did they stop. Because they have seen something that most do not see. Of course, the average person cannot achieve this, but he can still learn to stop, to be alone, to clear his mind a little, to process all this information.

Published on: September 30, 2020

Author: Thank you for your time, thoughts and efforts in the comments! Number 1, it really is. The point is that I myself, although monogamously sexually oriented, am extremely freedom-loving in my relationships. That's why I tried this type of relationship. I know what I want, I realize there are no ideals, I'm not looking for that. It's just that the feeling of the experience in this case is as if I gave in short. Suddenly something unusual for me appears in my behavior. What I don't understand is where this period of sensitivity came from, in a sense, because it didn't exist before. As for your advice, I actually thought the same thing. Even hours after I started the topic, I stumbled upon a book and was working on the questions I needed to clarify. Number 2, in fact, the book I focused on develops its basic idea of this with inertia. This is the important detail that escaped my explanation. Although I am rather optimistic, I admit that you are right about the harsh reality. And yet, as you say, we are not all set up to become like monks. Number 4 is not love in my imagination. That's why I'm writing the topic. I've met love, I know what it is. That's why I make so much effort to clarify with myself about everything about the way I reacted. Because the feeling of what happened is as if something was short-lived and out of place all the time. I was out of place. Number 4 is not love in my imagination. That's why I'm writing the topic. I've met love, I know what it is. That's why I make so much effort to clarify with myself about everything about the way I reacted. Because the feeling of what happened is as if something was short-lived and out of place all the time. I was out of place. Number 4 is not love in my imagination. That's why I'm writing the topic. I've met love, I know what it is. That's why I make so much effort to clarify with myself about everything about the way I reacted. Because the feeling of what happened is as if something was short-lived and out of place all the time. I was out of place.

Published on: September 30, 2020

What's Wrong With Me?-anna01566

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