What Should I Do?-bellaxmariexx

Hello! My story is very crazy, although I see that there are many similar ones to mine on the site, so I decided to write to consult with more people. I am a 21 year old girl. I'm a student right now, but when I was in high school I was in love with ... my teacher. I am a completely normal girl - sociable, popular, beautiful, excellent, with friends and a healthy family, I do not drink or smoke and there is nothing masculine in me at all, so that someone would assume that I do not like a boy, but a woman. However, as early as 9th grade, when the teacher in question started teaching me, I literally fell in love with her from the first lesson. She is already 50 years old, but she is terribly beautiful, preserved, sweet, fun, sexy, extremely charming and very intelligent in her subject. There are rumors that she slept with students, but I can't believe it. She is very crazy and infantile by nature, coquettish, she has more energy and childlike radiance than me and she looks terribly young. She has trained in several sports, but she has a very gentle and fragile, but also tight, symmetrical and perfect body. She has no children, has never been married, has no partner and admits it herself, as well as living alone. In a word, she is an old girl, but she has nothing to do with the typical ones, except that she doesn't have Facebook and social networks and doesn't go out in the evening, but goes to bed at 11. Speaking of which she says she always looked for the perfect person, but didn't find it. self-confidence and tells herself how special she is, she is a maximalist in everything and takes great care of herself and pleases herself. Otherwise she is confused, sometimes she is called crazy and she shouts I have no mind, sometimes the plague, sometimes "a very special girl", sometimes "I am a snake".

Of course, her subject immediately became my favorite, I became the best at it and we initially got closer through it and competitions. In 9th and 10th grade we had become very close, as friends. We went to school together, we went home together, she complimented me and looked for me during breaks, she looked at me all the time, she called me "I'm very happy to chat with you", she winked at me, touched me, defended me, we took long and personal conversations, on all sorts of crazy topics like who wants to die or what time she goes to bed, I wore red roses to her every holiday, I hugged her many times and said how much I like her, we went on trips together in Bulgaria and abroad. In 11th grade I don't know what happened to me and I took a lot to betray myself, I kept telling her that my behavior is not hypocritical for grades, but I really like her terribly and I annoyed her a lot, I was jealous of her.

We met once in the evening in the center, we went shopping and talked for a long time and she even asked me "I think you want to tell me something, or you're just very nice to me, huh?", but I didn't tell her anything. In the weeks that followed, I was very sorry that I had missed my chance and started betraying myself completely and behaving strangely. One day I couldn't stand the winter anymore and I told her during the break that I needed to talk to her about something. She invited me to one of the warehouses and said "I'm listening to you" and I started to tremble, I couldn't say anything and I just said "I'm sorry I'm acting so weird, but ... I love you!". She just looked at me deeply and her first answer was "You shouldn't love me so much," and then "Are you 18?". Then "I have no attraction to my gender, just normal to men my age properly." and I asked her not to tell the class about the conversation and she said, "Don't worry, I'm a mature person, I won't tell anyone." I didn't understand then what she understood.

But she continued to be so kind, the next day she looked at me very nicely and winked, she came to talk to me, tested me and wrote me again 6, scolded a boy for teasing me. The second term we were on a trip abroad me, her and a few other students. There I was bothering her a lot again, I couldn't stand being with her all the time, and she was already feeling it and I told her on the last day. I told her "Sorry if I'm bothering and annoying you" and she said "Worry me, I don't know what's going on in your head" and I told her "I love and like you very much" and she said "Okay". I told her I was sorry and I didn't know what I would do after 12th grade without her and, that I always tried to hide it and she said "Calm down .. calm down, you act emotionally, not rationally, you should not listen to the heart, but the mind" and that was it. In the evening at the hotel we fell room to room and she was alone and I went out at midnight in the hallway and she just opened her door and I saw her naked on a towel from the bathroom and she just looked at me and did not close and I looked at her from head to toe and I felt very uncomfortable and went back to the room. In the morning she knocked me to wake me up and she was very sweet and a girl told me that at two in the evening she was sitting in a nightgown next to my room in the corridor.

During the whole trip, he was constantly confused and called the other girls by my name. She was constantly looking at me studying, smiling shyly, one time when I spoke to her she trembled and dropped her bag of dice and when I handed it to her she smiled sweetly. When we returned, the others told me how I behaved and became famous, and she became very angry with me and withdrew and complained. I wrote to her on Viber, but she blocked me. I tried to hug her like another time, but pulled away and said, "No, everyone knows about your feelings." A girl told the class and they both talked and called me to the principal and I apologized. The following year, another teacher was assigned to our class, and she remained with everyone else.

I didn't give up and again for a whole year roses, candies, conspiracies, greetings, bracelets and martenitsas, good luck in competitions, looks, etc. and she was still very kind as if nothing had happened in the second term of 11th grade. Both the class and the management had forgotten when I gave her flowers in front of the class, etc. Even the principal didn't mind and I was his favorite. They obviously know how capricious she is and, that there was no one else beside her and they accepted him comically. In the end, I had given her a bigger present for the ball, but she refused, which was not convenient. I didn't make it to university and I kept coming and looking for her. I went to all her holidays and she was very happy, taking roses, etc. and looking at me with that magnetic smile from 10th grade. The viber unblocked, but I never found out if it unblocked me or something by itself, because it didn't write to me. The last time I went to Christmas was this year, but this time she looked at me badly, I said "hello, how are you?" And she muttered "nice" and worried and embarrassed and passed me. And the road before that was very nice and playful. I was very confused and since then I am ashamed to go and 7 months have passed and I miss him and I'm afraid he won't forget me. I have become asexual and for 5 years now I do not want or like anyone else. I love and desire her terribly, I am very attracted to her both sexually and emotionally and intellectually. I feel that she is the person and my soulmate and I will either be with her or with no one else. I want to be with her all my life and live with her. I haven't seen her for seven months now, and I dream about her every night, I constantly think about her, everything comes to me and everything reminds me of her and it's as if I'm starting to love and want her even more, I'm so attached, I'm crazy.

I can not live without her. I have been an adult for 3 years now and I am not her student, can we still have a relationship, even a one-time one, is there a chance that she wants me at least a little or holds on to me ?? What should I do, what step should I take ?? I am ready for everything to be together and for her to be happier. But I don't want her to think of me as a psychopath and it turns out that I'm stalking her. Should I go again in the fall, Should I write to her on Viber, or should I go to her block to somehow find each other? I don't know how to look for her and find out if there is a chance and how to impress her again? Is the connection possible in this situation or do I have no reason to hope? Is she lonely, being an "old maid" or does that mean, on the contrary, she is self-sufficient and does not want any relationship?

Does she want to, but is she stopped by morals and stereotypes, or if she wanted me, would she please me and have me? Can it happen now, or if it hasn't happened before, her feelings are gone and gone, if she had or they don't go away like that? There were many real moments that I did not imagine, but there really was something reciprocal. or go to her block to somehow catch up? I don't know how to look for her and find out if there is a chance and how to impress her again? Is the connection possible in this situation or do I have no reason to hope? Is she lonely, being an "old maid" or does that mean, on the contrary, she is self-sufficient and does not want any relationship? Does she want to, but morals and stereotypes stop her, or if she wanted me, would she please me and have me? Can it happen now, or if it hasn't happened before, her feelings are gone and gone, if she had or they don't go away like that?

There were many real moments that I did not imagine, but there really was something reciprocal. or go to her block to somehow catch up? I don't know how to look for her and find out if there is a chance and how to impress her again? Is the connection possible in this situation or do I have no reason to hope? Is she lonely, being an "old maid" or does that mean, on the contrary, she is self-sufficient and does not want any relationship? Does she want to, but is she stopped by morals and stereotypes, or if she wanted me, would she please me and have me?

Can it happen now, or if it hasn't happened before, her feelings are gone and gone, if she had or they don't go away like that? There were many real moments that I did not imagine, but there really was something reciprocal. would you please me too? Can it happen now, or if it hasn't happened before, her feelings are gone and gone, if she had or they don't go away like that? There were many real moments that I did not imagine, but there really was something reciprocal. would you please me too? Can it happen now, or if it hasn't happened before, her feelings are gone and gone, if she had or they don't go away like that? There were many real moments that I did not imagine, but there really was something reciprocal.