Hi, I never thought I would be a person writing on a site and I need advice. I've read a lot of stories here, but I didn't think there would be a time in my life when I would seek advice from strangers about my personal life. My story is quite long and I will be happy if there are people who will have the patience to read it, to understand it and to express an opinion, because I really need advice. I am a 32-year-old woman with a 12-year relationship living abroad. I met my husband when I was in my early twenties. Our relationship started quite naturally, there was a strong attraction and a little life experience on my part. We started dating, things went well for the first few months, I wouldn't say great, but good. We had quite a big difference in our views on things, on life and in general in our value system. The man was not responsible, he didn't know the importance of working and coping with life in a normal way, even though he was years older than me. For me, these things were formed in my early teens, when I was working on summer vacations, purely in my desire to feel responsible and independent. I worked in Bulgaria, he didn't, but that didn't bother me due to the fact that we didn't live together, and I was too young to ask myself these questions. My husband managed in ways unknown to me and I never had to give him money. I was young then and I didn't think these things. About 6 months after an argument between us, I received my first slap, soon followed by others. Then I imagined that this would not happen again, that it would be realized and that it would stop. After about a year together, we had the opportunity to go abroad and try to build our lives while we were still young. Here things deepened due to the fact that I quickly found my place here, I found an environment, because I have always been sociable and combative, I found a job without a problem (of course with the support of close people here). I got on my rails and didn't suffer from the fact that I was in a foreign country, the fact that I was with him and I wasn't alone was enough for me. That I have the closest person I loved then to the point of pain. He gave almost nothing of himself, did not want to make an effort to get into the whole picture and be a fighting couple for their future. I worked 100%, he always had explanations and reasons why things never work out for him. He started behaving even worse, he often insulted me, you often hurt me with words, he was aggressive and arrogant all the time towards me and my new acquaintances. Because he is not very social, I often had to choose whether to create a problem or continue to develop relationships with colleagues, acquaintances, etc. He always had something he did not like - this was stupid and ugly, the other was nephew and Hey such explanations. Gradually he somehow "won" a situation in which my close colleagues or acquaintances never came home, because in the moments when they came his attitude showed me that he did not like or even worse, these people directly felt in terms of not being desired here. I never allowed myself to "give it back" to his acquaintances (though only one or two) who came. I started slowly over the years to realize myself better and better, I worked and hoped that the bad attitude will stop and we will reach the much desired harmony for me. I realized that he made almost no effort to make it happen, so I subconsciously gave for two. I found a better home, I was completely independent in terms of finances (I never allowed myself to weigh on him and demand something personal for myself from him in the material sphere). It didn't help at home, in the household, and I gave 101% of myself to run a house, work full time and be a supported woman at the same time. His aggressive behavior did not decrease (thinned over the years, because after each such moment there were rumors of self-awareness on his part, promises of change), actually decreased, but did not disappear completely. For a long time I waited for him to take on his role in the relationship, to become the man who works hard, who takes care of his wife and home. Many years passed in such coexistence until the last 3 years in which I somehow became much more independent, it could be emotionally difficult to hurt me, I had somehow built a shield from his actions over the years. It was when I became stronger in his attitude that he began to behave a little better, although there were times when I felt disappointed in his better attitude because of small things that were distorted or lied to me and they were not exactly like that. A few months ago, life met me by chance with another man. I liked him when we met, but I didn't do anything because I was in a long relationship, and I didn't have the feeling that I wanted to end my husband. But this new man, I will call him M, looked for me, made contact with me, I had the opportunity to get to know him in the few months of our acquaintance, I felt with my heart that we liked everything, but I did not feel free to embrace the new in my life. Still, we went on, he knew I had a long relationship, but we went on. So a few months in which I met him and fell in love, I felt feelings for M arise in me, I felt close to him even after only a few months of acquaintance. I felt that the moment had come when I had to make my choice, and I was so afraid of the new, of myself, because I felt so tired from my previous relationship that I didn't know what I could give to the new man next to me. I got scared, I started to think if it made sense to give up my relationship with my husband, in which I had put so much effort and which had finally calmed down, even though it wasn't the relationship I dreamed of. I felt so exhausted emotionally, I was scared because I saw that M gave me a lot, and I, despite my desire, did not know if I had the strength to build a relationship again from the beginning. We stopped seeing M because I was expected to take my step towards him, for which I did not have the courage. I think about him all the time, I miss him, I became colder to the man I live with, I somehow moved away from him and he felt him, he started behaving nicely, he repeats to me every day that if I give him a chance he will show me that our long relationship is not a mistake despite the previous troubled years ago. I think about M, I think if I didn't make a mistake by not following what I had been looking for all my life and believing that I had found it, but then I got scared and gave up like a complete fool. At the moment, our roles have been exchanged with the person I live with, with the difference that I'm not aggressive and I don't hurt him physically and verbally, I just don't seem to care so much. I ask myself the question - if so, why did I not follow what I had, I knew with my soul that it was real and that I would not be deceived, I was still afraid, they pollinated and I did not do it. I felt so weak, I don't have the strength for that. Now I think constantly about this, about M, about the moments, the days with him. I would like to hear serious opinions from settled people, have I made a mistake in my life or have I subconsciously felt that I am not ready for this with M. Thank you I knew in my soul that it was real and that I would not be deceived, yet I was afraid, they pollinated me and I didn't. I felt so weak, I don't have the strength for that. Now I think constantly about this, about M, about the moments, the days with him. I would like to hear serious opinions from settled people, have I made a mistake in my life or have I subconsciously felt that I am not ready for this with M. Thank you I knew with my soul that it was real and that I would not be deceived, yet I was afraid, they pollinated me and I didn't. I felt so weak, I don't have the strength for that. Now I think constantly about this, about M, about the moments, the days with him. I would like to hear serious opinions from settled people, have I made a mistake in my life or have I subconsciously felt that I am not ready for this with M. Thank you
1 ashley040 answered
Break up with your husband once he beats you! Why are you sitting with a man who is aggressive with you? Do you want to be killed one day? Break up with him immediately. He neither loves nor respects you.