Hello anonymous friends! I need your reasoning on a case that bothers me a lot. Yesterday, my husband asked me to wash a jacket. I told him to check his pockets because in the washing machine I always find screws, pennies and hard objects. As always, he forgot. As I was looking out the jacket, a marketer fell out of it. I unfolded it so I wouldn't throw away anything important. It was a speeding ticket by traffic police. You'il tell everyone what happens. I agree. The fine was for 600 BGN, and in case of timely repayment - 420 EURO, and was imposed on December 24, that is. relatively soon. Yes, that's the way it is. But! My husband didn't say a word at home about it. I emphasize that the amount is not at all small by the standard of our family, that is. one 420 BGN unforeseen expenditure is a serious blow to our monthly budget. I personally would eat my socks out of anger, and I'd probably be whining at home for a week about what a duck I was and how I should pay such a fine now. But he didn't say a word! I showed him the ticket in the evening, and my husband said, "I've already paid the fine, you can throw it." When asked why he didn't tell me, he replied: "So I don't bother you." And here I began to ask myself questions, the answer to which I hope we can find together. Namely: what else do I not know to "not bother me"? Does not the truth count as a lie? Is it honorable to be kept in the dark about important matters concerning the family so that you "don't worry"? And more: do men deliberately silence their mistakes in front of their wives to keep their halo of heroes in their eyes, or are they purely and simply afraid of scandal and want to save themselves the emotional storm? I also wonder if they're right, and how would I react if my husband had just missed the holidays: "You know we have £420 to pay now. fine for driving fast. Merry Christmas, baby! ". With my hand on my heart, I admit that I would not have been able to refrain from muting at least one "Well, how could you! With that money, we could have... "
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rose_shyly answered · May 30, 2020
You're analyzing too much and making an elephant out of a fly...
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southerngirlqt answered · May 30, 2020
Your husband is absolutely right from my male point of view. I don't talk about money at home, I just explained that if I say there's no money it means there really isn't. Why burden you anyway, most likely your busy daily life and other problems you have.
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northernguy123 answered · May 30, 2020
Something like this happened to me. My husband gave me the property where we lived, for construction... It's true he's his... but I was carrying luggage on my hands, I organized and transported, yet I stabilized his mental state after the event/and a bunch of more details. On the working place full hazel and few conditions for a normal life... And I ask myself, and I asked him... why didn't you tell me.../he wasn't sure it was going to happen, it was all close. If I hadn't done everything, we'd have been moving on for years... Shake my health and even my hands, my legs, everything hurts. and for the health now money yok...
But they don't realize that because of these escapes, they change the fate of the man next to them. and I don't think I'm going to be the same.
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saraandmint answered · May 30, 2020
The higher percentage are the ones who would save a scandal. There may be those who "keep their halo of heroes" but they are so few that I don't know any.
The differences in the thinking of men and women is that both sexes will find something to spend money on, but usually both sexes say that the way the other sex spends brings less pleasure. For example, there are men who would happily risk a £420 fine just to get a quick ride, but their wives think, like you, that with the same amount they would have enjoyed "we could..."
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sweetbuttocks answered · May 30, 2020
I never say about slips, or when my car is picked up. I also have a secret fund to cover these and others, stupid according to my husband's expenses. I'm saving up for a whine, nothing more.
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shyncguy answered · May 30, 2020
If you're grumbling and pushing, don't wonder if your husband's keeping his mouth shut. He's sick of circuses fighting like a kid. He saves his own problems, and it's not the fine, it's with you. What-how-why it's none of your business. "Maybe with that money...." you could, yes. And? He made a mistake and must give it. You took them off your budget if you could have done it? Mistakes everyone makes and people seek understanding and support, not horseback. Until you change your behavior and reactions, you won't see anything else from him if it's not too late for that change.
P.S. You have a good husband who handles problems alone without unnecessary drama. He paid, and on time with the discount. I mean, he makes good decisions. I don't know why you're ho hopping him. If he's not paying, it's a problem, and so on- okay. Talk to me... You're causing you problems in the relationship out of nothing.
Candy
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uynalie answered · May 31, 2020
I don't share a lie when I know that the person across the street will not only understand me, but will make me feel even more awkward and nasty. That's how your husband wanted to save his stage. Because instead of "Nothing, you made a mistake. Don't drive at high speed, it's dangerous," i.e. instead of empathy and concern, he would hear "how could you, with this money we could have bought....".
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montanamalaysiiiaaa answered · May 31, 2020
That's why...
Because of the whole theme! How glad I am to be with a woman who drives him through the millet and finds such nonsense an irritating noise!
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big_ally answered · May 31, 2020
Your husband didn't tell because you don't have good communication. From whose pocket this money comes, in this case it's money given to the wind, and it really could have served as something meaningful.
I wouldn't accept living with someone who saves me things like that.
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shyneighborgirl24 answered · June 01, 2020
Oh, they hide their salaries, they lie, they don't bring them in, they secretly save. You're right, because the little thing goes to the bigger one. Now it's a new fashion for men to save on their wife's back, they don't have a penny, and we and children watch and deal with most cases with much smaller salaries. But they have to feed mom at home. This is the situation, and it's massive, not just for you.
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ann3w3st answered · June 01, 2020
Get with him, get a restraining order and don't give him any explanation. Also sell the acquired property and go somewhere far away, possibly outside Europe. Aman of women's.
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kison_02 answered · June 01, 2020
For me, silence equals a lie. In one case, you fool the person with words, the other with silence, but in both you hide the truth. If it's just for some money spent (as long as it's not a large amount) I won't be annoyed. But he can also hide a lot more - for example, a lot of things. Infidelity. My husband has been silent for years and confessed to me.
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luckydread answered · June 02, 2020
"When asked why he didn't tell me, he replied, "So I don't bother you." The guy said exactly, what are you digging? Isn't it enough that he's harassing himself, and you want him to harass you too? And if you had a note from a mistress, then you would have declared war. Strange creatures are women. Now you're going to get advice - dump him!
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pleasurer333 answered · June 02, 2020
My husband would also keep quiet in this situation so as not to bother me, and I, like the author, would mutter for once what we could have done with that money. The man did the right thing!
He also gets angry no less than her, and it's even harder for him because he keeps it inside.
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thea_babydoll answered · June 02, 2020
People who have problems with men about sharing. Sit at the table and put all the cards on. Talk to them calmly and tell them where there's a problem and that you want them not to hide anything from you.
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ezra answered · June 03, 2020
I guess it was right at Christmas, it's important, too. Who wants to have a ride with their lover right on the holidays? And it was clear that you were going to react badly. That's a lot of money, and instead of the holiday, he gave it to the Traffic Police. Apart, you must have grumbled before that he was driving fast and recklessly. So the guy just wanted to have a good holiday. And then, after he paid, he probably totally forgot about it.
He's been thinking about how not to spoil your mood over the holidays and how to save himself the fuss and scandal.
Do you admit every mistake you make? Especially if you can fix it without anyone knowing. I don't think so.
Calm! It's not much, and I hope your husband learned the lesson and no longer flies, that he left the fines, but it's dangerous.