Hi, I'm a woman / girl in my 20s (I feel something in the middle right now). My friend is 4 years older than me and I care about him a lot. He is kind and caring, travels a lot every weekend to see me. When I ask him something, he always does it, he tries to please me. For example, I was hungry that day, I had no food and it was very cold and he tried to order me pizza. When I tell him I need something, he thinks of a way to get it. When he is next to me I sleep very peacefully and everything is fine. However, there is one big BUT. At times I feel sad and he is not able to understand me and make an effort to make me smile. Sometimes he doesn't even seem to like me and does everything because that's how he was brought up. He told me that he thought I was spoiled, that I was always complaining, exaggerating, and still tired. Maybe he's right to some extent, but when one does not feel well, a little understanding would do much more work. If I tell him I want to break up he will agree that we don't get along, if I tell him I want to make an effort to be together, he will keep telling me how much he loves me and how I am the most important person in his life. I just need someone who is sure he wants me in his life. We quarreled with him and then he went out and I went out, I was at a house party, I drank wine and I socialized. At least three boys spoke to me and two of them were really intelligent and funny, they had a terribly rich general culture, knowledge and opinion about different things and I felt inner satisfaction that I could discuss different topics and I was liked and courted. My friend doesn't know many things and when I try to tell him something, to give him some advice, he gets nervous and reacts very negatively. For example, I recently told him that he could get a certificate that would be useful for his job. Accordingly, he got nervous and told me that he knew better than me, was independent and did not like to be given a mind. I hold on to him, I know that I myself am not an easy character, he was really patient, he makes an effort, but at the same time this big BUT worries me ... Do you think we have a chance and if so, how to overcome these differences? Do I accept things, or does he have to do something about it? Thanks. but at the same time this big BUT worries me ... Do you think we have a chance and if so, how to overcome these differences? Do I accept things, or does he have to do something about it? Thanks. but at the same time this big BUT worries me ... Do you think we have a chance and if so, how to overcome these differences? Do I accept things, or does he have to do something about it? Thanks.
1 the_original_tc answered
Always, but always, the relationship is built by two. The chance that only one is guilty is almost zero. There are exceptions, but every behavior brings a corresponding reaction. In physics, Newton has such a law, but physics is easier than human relationships. Your husband probably accepts criticism, accepts advice, but these two must be presented in a way that he perceives as constructive. Relationships are based on good communication, in other words, on the ability to understand the other and without many words, to know how he thinks, how he sees things, what he hears when you talk to him. It often happens that a person says one thing and the person against him understands another and is offended. Your problem is in the very fit of characters and perceptions. He's not a bad man, nor are you a bad woman, but you can't put yourself in someone else's place and understand each other, because you just think differently and this thinking does not correspond to the thinking of the other. He's still with you, and that tells me he wants you. You worry that if you say you don't fit and you have to break up, he will agree, otherwise he will be with you. Yes, it is logical. Why should he detain someone who wants to leave? He can't hold you in his arms anyway, because you'll slip like sand between his fingers once you've decided it's not your place. In my relationship we have a simple law - no one leaves when he is angry. We used to stay up early in the morning without talking because we were angry, but no one left. I have such fear, it happened that my relatives left angry and ruined any relationship, I thought that a relative could leave and this would be my last memory of him. There are many men who will like you and appreciate you. There are men one step away and one meter away, someone will always seem smart, handsome and impressive. This someone will not be like your friend. How does this thought affect you? It is normal to fight, get angry and think that someone is better with you. You do not know this "someone" and you can find yourself in the same situation, but after 2-3 years. And you want to be with your boyfriend or you want to be with "someone you are" who has nothing to do with your boyfriend. Do you want the person you share a bed with, or do you want someone different from him? This is your question and you have to answer it yourself. I hope I was helpful. How does this thought affect you? It is normal to fight, get angry and think that someone is better with you. You do not know this "someone" and you can find yourself in the same situation, but after 2-3 years. And you want to be with your boyfriend or you want to be with "someone you are" who has nothing to do with your boyfriend. Do you want the person you share a bed with, or do you want someone different from him? This is your question and you have to answer it yourself. I hope I was helpful. How does this thought affect you? It is normal to fight, get angry and think that someone is better with you. You do not know this "someone" and you can find yourself in the same situation, but after 2-3 years. And you want to be with your boyfriend or you want to be with "someone you are" who has nothing to do with your boyfriend. Do you want the person you share a bed with, or do you want someone different from him? This is your question and you have to answer it yourself. I hope I was helpful. or do you want someone different from him? This is your question and you have to answer it yourself. I hope I was helpful. or do you want someone different from him? This is your question and you have to answer it yourself. I hope I was helpful.