Hello! I have been in a relationship with a man for 3 years and several months. Love it. He is a careerist, he wants to build something of his own, he works constantly, tirelessly, he doesn't have much free time. He warned me from the beginning that I would have to comply. In the little free time he has, I let him choose what to do together to make it as pleasant as possible. He says I'm not proactive, that I'm boring and that I'm always waiting for him to figure out what to do. I offered all sorts of things - bowling, billiards, table football, ATV riding, nature walks, dog walks, painting, concerts - the answer to everything is "mmm, I don't do this to you, you are not natural and you will is bored with you. "He says he can't tell me I'm beautiful since I look like a child, not a woman. He calls me stupid and says I don't deserve respect and I have no meaning in my life.
I am not jealous of him, I leave him free. I try not to grumble and demand almost nothing. He recently started helping with the apartment cleaning. But in general, most of the chores at home are mine, because it's annoying for him and he doesn't care about wasting time washing dishes, for example.
I try to communicate the things I don't like, I try to do and follow the things he says are unpleasant to him. But - again I find myself in a problematic situation. Sometimes even the way I sit is enough to quarrel.
But, sometimes he is so kind .... Although for a short time. When it's good, I forget everything and we start over. And so, countless times already.
I would like advice - should I stop things or just I do not give enough and I have to work on myself?
1
smokahontas88 answered · June 26, 2020
Answer to the title: Leave when you realize that this relationship is toxic and don't think about how "perfect" it used to be. Now he clearly shows how much he appreciates and respects you, he told you. In your place, I would drop it at least for myself. Don't let them treat you like garbage
2
outinthewoods95 answered · June 26, 2020
If he loves you, he will not criticize you, he will like everything in you. Find something better, don't waste your time, he can't even compliment you. How old are you ?
3
citygirlvibing answered · June 26, 2020
This topic must have been invented! If not, you missed the moment to leave a long time ago!
4
fairy__alice answered · June 26, 2020
I don't know if it's right, but I will copy my comment from another topic, because I think it is adequate to your situation and will be useful to you, but it is a bit long.
5
horny_pot answered · June 26, 2020
Number 4 described everything. Just leave, there's no point in bothering.
6
emmylouxox answered · June 26, 2020
From the author: To 2. - I am 27 years old.
Up to 4. Thanks for the long post. It made me think a lot about what was going on and I felt like I had lived in a fog for a long time. We currently live together, but we don't talk. It's been a week and a few days. I think this is the end, although it hurts a lot.
Thanks to everyone for the comments!
7
geekgrl answered · June 27, 2020
On the topic and to number 4, only that I am a man and I did it for a woman and I do not explain what keeps me with her, given that we are married.
8
josiae answered · June 27, 2020
How do you continue to be with someone who calls you "stupid" and "boring"? Do you think that will change? Then why is he with you? Ask him this question.
Have a little self-esteem and don't let anyone treat you like that.
9
jamesmorgan789 answered · June 27, 2020
"bowling, billiards, table football, ATV riding, nature walks, dog walks, painting, concerts - the answer to everything is" mmm, I don't like this with you, you are not natural and it will be boring with you. "" - all the things that a man can afford. There is no mention of sex, and the man is with a woman just because of that, everything else can achieve it alone. Offer him a hot sauna, and then an erotic massage, to see if you will be bored. If that refuses, you've got the wrong address!
10
heavemly answered · June 28, 2020
When you write such a topic, you have already terminated this connection in your mind. It remains to tell him.
11
volta_alpha answered · June 28, 2020
Leave NOW. How do you even live with such men who humiliate you? !! Respect yourself more, miss!
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tina951995 answered · June 29, 2020
Here, all sorts of geniuses have uttered a ton of nonsense along the lines of women's solidarity. Let it be borne in mind, however, that only one point of view is set out here, and that in reality things may not be exactly like that. There are all kinds of situations in some relationships, they can exchange a slap, let alone say something to each other. If he has told you what you are, it is not known what you have told him before, and what you keep silent about in order to present yourself as a victim, to feel sorry for yourself and to arouse sympathy ... Of course, it is more convenient for you to stay that way and feel sorry for yourself, even though you could get a boost from his criticism, seek self-development, take something with yourself. On the other hand, if you break up and find someone who will follow your whistle and adore you, he will get tired of you instantly and you will break up even faster ...
13
ekress answered · June 29, 2020
That's right, Number 7, there are people of both sexes. The relationship described above represents what happens when the partner suffers from addiction, or has an antisocial personality disorder - narcissism, sociopathy, or, God forbid, psychopathy. And the reason you associate with such people at all and allow them close is usually hidden in childhood. Simply put, someone has instilled in you that this is love, that you deserve it, or that it is for your good. And you get confused, you want approval, you want to deserve it, you try very hard, but you just connected with a person who will never give it to you, these people in your head are Nye. They will not let you even close to a draw. And what do you have left after all this unsuccessful effort, except to say to yourself - I, obviously just do not get up, obviously all my love is not enough, I do not know how to make someone happy and satisfied. And the truth is that people in this spectrum cannot be satisfied and happy. However, if you do not know this, you can decide that the problem is in you and believe that no one will ever be satisfied with what you have to give. Or that you are not trying hard enough. The very biochemistry of our brain changes in long-term relationships with such a person. We agree to reconcile. Ah, yes, I missed it, they do it, they bombard it with love - they discredit you (harassment) - separation / punishment with silence is their favorite. And then they bombard with love again - they ruin you-ignore. And you are addicted to the little moment when he / she is like in the beginning, amazing. They are charismatic. In other words, you stand for a little bit of good attitude.
14
sexy_sheep answered · June 30, 2020
he's a psychopath, run away