Здравейте! Преди точно една година се запознах с момче от друг град.Направи ми впечатление,че изяви голямо желание да се премести при мен. Той е на 29, аз на 27. В началото бях скептична,но видях голям ентусиазъм от негова страна и наистина се премести и заживяхме заедно. В началото всичко беше наред, е,правеше ми впечатление само денонощните телефонни разговори с майка му и баба му и баща му де,но какво пък си казвах тогава... Те не преставаха да го навиват да се преместим в неговия град да живеем,а той е изключително малък в сравнение с Пловдив. Впоследствие започнаха да го настройват срещу Пловдив и така всеки ден му промиваха мозъка,че трябва да се прибере. Правеше ми и впечатление,че всичко ,което се случва с нас той го докладва на майка си, а също и че нямаше никакви навици. Опитах се многократно да му кажа,че работата ми ме изтощава и го молих за минимални усилия,но той отказваше да ми помогне дори с най-елементарните неща. Прибирах се след 12-часов работен ден и още с цивилните дрехи се хващах да готвя,да пускам пералня, да оправям и т.н. В последствие започнах да се изнервям и да си изпускам нервите пред него, а той при всеки скандал вдигаше телефона на майка му и баща му и докладваше всичко пред мен, а те естествено го подкрепяха и му казваха да се прибира при тях. Последваха няколко кошмарни месеца през които майка му ни тероризираше по 5 пъти на ден по телефона,за да се осведоми какво правим,къде сме и защо не правим и не сме там където тя е казала да бъдем. Молих го многократно да й каже,че поне аз имам нужда от малко лично пространство,но той категорично отказваше под предлога,че тя му е майка,те са му семейство и нищо няма да й каже.Никога не се съобразяваше с мнението ми, желанията ми,а само с това на майка си и баща си. Изникна и друг проблем,всъщност аз бях наясно с него отсамото начало, но го приех такъв какъвто е,защото видях,че е добър човек и го заобичах много бързо- сподели ми,че има шизофрения.Проблемът всъщност бяха нашите бъдещи деца и това,че се притеснявах за тях. Мислих много и това, което измислих е да използваме донор,като му казах,че не е длъжен да се съгласява и че ще го разбера,ако не се съгласи. Последва половин година през която той ту се съгласяваше,ту се отказваше, стигна до извода,че трябва да разговаря с майка си и баща си и каквото кажат те това ще бъде. Естествено те скочиха срещу мен да ме линчуват и от тогава направиха всичко възможно да ни разделят. И да, той се прибра при тях,защото извън темата за децата, не се чувствал комфортно в големия град,идвало му вповече работата,градът бил тъп и най-добре се чувствал при техните. Постави ми ултиматум че ако искам да бъдем заедно трябвало да се преместя там при него, но аз отказах,не само защото не искам да живея с техните, но и защото съм медицинско лице, което има частна практика и не намирам смисъл да си затворя работата и да отида в малкия град, за да живея с него и майка му,която ме мрази,а на него не му пука аз как се чувствам. Откакто се е прибрал все по-рядко се сеща да ме потърси,казва,че се чувства страхотно и че майка му му готви много вкусно. Но аз го обичам много и не мога просто така да го забравя... Какво мислите
Answers 21
These are big jerks. Well, "your husband."
Abe women, when will you learn not to date mommy sons.
I think you should forget it. From what I have written, it seems to me that you deserve something better.
Mother's son. This is exactly what this wonderful man describes. It was obvious from the very beginning what it was like. You endured it a lot.
Am I right in understanding that you love a schizophrenic who doesn't care about you and his mother has to take care of him or he can't function? Learn to distinguish between addiction and love. Then the problem will disappear on its own.
What exactly you love him I did not understand. You are saved, rejoice and look ahead.
He's a schizophrenic and you're a masochist
I was about to order you to put up with him when I read that he was a schizophrenic! Girl, do you have a mind ?? They fall into such crises that you will end up in the emergency room one day, with a little more luck or straight to the morgue! Codependency, go to a psychologist to fix it urgently! Just shocking. His mother and she are crazy, you can be 100% sure. And this one, besides being a schizophrenic, probably has a narcissistic personality disorder and likes to exploit you. As a medical person, you should have known better. Tighten up!
Run and save yourself while you can, because your life will turn into hell if you don't break away now! The longer you postpone the separation, the harder it will be to take that step later and break away. I will not mention that in a major scandal, which will sooner or later happen because of your misunderstanding and the complete difference in worldviews, it is quite possible to be nerdy and hurt quite seriously ... You risk too much. One is that with a schizophrenic you can't know when it will occur to him to gossip, another that your children are quite likely to inherit the disease, and then I don't see you anymore. Do you know what it's like to look after a sick child with schizophrenia? Leave it that by having children with such people, you put society at risk, the safety of other people, BUT and yourself. How do you feel about someone finding you with a slit throat tomorrow? Girl, the situation is serious, why do you tolerate at all? Somewhere I might have understood you, if at least you were more masculine, didn't involve mom and dad in your relationship, didn't allow anyone to interfere with you, if at least helped you ... and he left ours that he was a schizophrenic, well is also a full path with an apology and Plasmodium, a man who parasitizes on your back from now on ... so why do you tolerate and want to be with him? You know that you can't live with "love" alone? Either you save yourself now, or your life will be hell. Believe me, specifically in your case, from the things you say, 100,000 times better alone, if you want, and a lifetime alone, than to turn your life into hell and look like a walking ball of nerves, if you are alive at all. .. I ask you, which is more important, your life or the pickle? if at least he was more masculine, he didn't involve mom and dad in your relationship, he doesn't let anyone bother you, if at least he helped you ... and he left ours to be a schizophrenic, but he's also full of excuses and plasmodium a man who parasitizes on your back from now on ... so why do you tolerate and want to be with him? You know that you can't live with "love" alone? Either you save yourself now, or your life will be hell. Believe me, specifically in your case, from the things you say, 100,000 times better alone, if you want, and a lifetime alone, than to turn your life into hell and look like a walking ball of nerves, if you are alive at all. .. I ask you, which is more important, your life or the pickle? if at least he was more masculine, didn't involve mom and dad in your relationship, didn't let anyone interfere with you, if at least he helped you ... and he left ours to be a schizophrenic, but he's also full of excuses and plasmodia a man who parasitizes on your back from now on ... so why do you tolerate and want to be with him? You know that you can't live with "love" alone? Either you save yourself now, or your life will be hell. Believe me, specifically in your case, from the things you say, 100,000 times better alone, if you will, and a lifetime alone, than to turn your life into hell and look like a walking ball of nerves, if you are alive at all. .. I ask you, which is more important, your life or the pickle? well, it's a full path with an apology and plasmodium, a man who parasitizes on your back from now on ... so why do you tolerate and want to be with him? You know that you can't live with "love" alone? Either you save yourself now, or your life will be hell. Believe me, specifically in your case, from the things you say, 100,000 times better alone, if you want, and a lifetime alone, than to turn your life into hell and look like a walking ball of nerves, if you are alive at all. .. I ask you, which is more important, your life or the pickle? well, it's a full path with an apology and plasmodium, a man who parasitizes on your back from now on ... so why do you tolerate and want to be with him? You know that you can't live with "love" alone? Either you save yourself now, or your life will be hell. Believe me, specifically in your case, from the things you say, 100,000 times better alone, if you want, and a lifetime alone, than to turn your life into hell and look like a walking ball of nerves, if you are alive at all. .. I ask you, which is more important, your life or the pickle?
You don't need a schizophrenic, he can nail you tomorrow, sit with mom.
I think that you are a stupid woman, since you have connected your life with such a person, that you loved him very much and you cannot forget him. I don't want to offend you, but that's how I see things.
Had she started with schizophrenia in the first sentence. They exercise control because he is sick. But it is not good that, despite the impossibility of having children, they interfere further. If you were good, correct (it does not depend on the diagnosis), I will tell you great, you have decided the pros and cons. Although I would never do it in your place. Never. Yes, because of the diagnosis, it's kind of hell, I don't know if you realized it well.
You leave the other, I know a woman with schizophrenia who, having a relationship, hides about the disease. And this is already super mean. He also wants children. He is her sick man, but he has a conscience and has told about his illness. And there is the flip side of the coin. This woman will give birth to a sick child tomorrow, and this man will not even know that she is so and that the child may be ill. And he wants a lot of kids, so that's a real prospect.
I had a friend with schizophrenia, 4 years old, I understood it only at the end. There are 11 types of schizophrenia. I won't describe the crap I went through while I was with him, but I'll tell you one of the many incidents. We quarreled violently, I cried and left the room, and seconds later I heard a bang. The door had a hole, he had hit it. I asked him what had happened and he told me "a black curtain fell in front of my eyes, I don't know". I asked him if if I hadn't left, this would have been my head. He was silent. I went to a psychologist for a long time after that. He crushed me mentally, and I loved him too, and I couldn't make the connection to why he was doing it. Well, when I found out the fastest way, I took my luggage and made a joke. These people can't love. They have a distorted view of love that is not love. Please, please, don't go back to him, this will be your biggest mistake. Run away. You will be grateful to yourself later.
Woman, run as far as you can, I'm really telling you! Even if she started the topic with the fact that she has schizophrenia, this is the most frightening and important! I'll tell you a real story to see what it's all about. I have a girlfriend who was dating a man. According to her stories, he was great from the very beginning - kind gestures, gentleman, everything went well for them, but they lived together and suddenly things got very rough. He had literally manipulated her like a narcissist through wonderful behavior in order to bond with him and fall in love with him, and then her way out of the situation was difficult because she had developed an addiction and had totally crushed her psyche. “So what?” You ask? Well, the same symptoms started with his mother and father first, to whom, according to my friend, he gossiped about everything and told every detail of their relationship. Then he started to have terrible control over the girl - he wouldn't let her out, he seemed to have developed some kind of abnormal jealousy, she was afraid of him, do you know why? Because he had started beating her steadily, turning blue and threatening her. However, she told me about it long after he started doing all this - obviously out of shame, but I had started noticing head wounds, bruises, etc., but you know, you still don't want to believe it's so bad . Let's put all other insults, mental harassment and emotional one aside - I think he was a terrible narcissist, he crushed her every day, that he was better than her, that he had achieved a lot, etc. Hellish threats began that if she has the courage to leave him, they will find her almost beaten in a ditch, dead and not to tell you what perversions and disgusting details he had told her about it. She did not know how to save herself. But literally. Such fear ... I tried to talk to her relatives because I saw that the situation was not good at all and I was in pain for her, but they did not take my words seriously. I did not tell them anything more detailed than the fear that I was betraying her and she had to explain to them what was happening. I just told them to separate her from this person because there are deviations! Finally, do you know what she learned from his parents? That he had schizophrenia, a psychiatrist had diagnosed him at an early age, but they did not believe it, their boy was very good and stable, there was nothing like that. Because of their beliefs and probably shame, he had no treatment, nothing! And he tortured every day a beautiful and innocent human being because of their irresponsibility! Finally, out of all the fear, stress, hopelessness and shame of telling about all the huge harassment of his parents, he attempted suicide. Good thing they found her in time, that ... I don't want to think otherwise! Then thousands of hours with a psychologist, a psychiatrist, and I still don't know what she had to go through, hundreds of efforts on the part of not only her family but also her circle of friends to recover. She was so broken by this sick man that she thought he was right about everything and she was crazy, not him. Count! In the end, everything ended well for her, fortunately, she still went to a psychologist and shook herself, she even told me that it is difficult for her to believe in a person at the moment and she does not know how to find a partner ... All this tragedy took place in 4-5 year period. Every day crying, fear, fighting, insults, scandals, jealousy. Until he left. I'm not telling you this to scare you, I'm really telling you to be prepared and to know that whatever you do, he's just sick! I read other comments - as they said, he can be nerdy at any time and God forbid he brings you to the situation of my girlfriend! That's why I decided to say so that we know what it is! She told me that if she had known from the very beginning what he was like and how sick he was, she would never have looked at him, let alone with him ... But what to do, no one is written on his forehead !! Unfortunately, he will surely remember this story for the rest of his life and will carry it as a heavy burden. She often tells me that she is afraid that he will find her and it is not known what he can do to her, because even when they were together he threatened her that if she left, he would find her and she was badly spelled. She is still scared, harassed and stressed, but her psychologist helps her a lot! Go to a psychologist! Tell your parents! Get out quickly and without warning. When you catch him that he is not with you, pack your bags and immediately go to a safe place, that you don't know how crazy he is ... After the story I can tell you that it's not worth it! With a person with mental disorders, things go very badly! It makes no sense, it is not love, but dependence and sorrow! Success!
M39 This issue with the disease is very complicated. It is clear to everyone that other things being equal, it is more difficult with a sick person, but let us keep in mind that we are not talking about a thing, even an animal, but about a person who has a rational soul. So, if the author has loved this person, it is not easy to give advice to "make life easier". And this is because we are not talking about an object or model of an object, which is clearly better to be without defects or better. One must appreciate the person and think about valuable things. Not to mention that even if you come across a visibly healthy person, there is no guarantee of anything. I'm not giving advice, I'm just saying to look at a person as a person, not as an object. And I'm sure that if done right, it will be rewarded over time.
Number 8 is right. And I think you have codependence, do something, see a psychologist, read literature on the subject. Don't stay in that state. And did you choose such "needy" people before? Until I discovered my codependence and especially the childhood traumas that caused it, I only got involved with sociopaths, drug addicts and failed types. It was awful, I felt obliged to take a bad attitude, I forgave everything, my head did not care what self-esteem is, to love yourself, to live not in the service of someone, but your life.
I have lived with a man with bipolar disorder. Schizophrenia is even worse. At first I thought he was just spoiled, but in this situation, so they treat him like a child. You both have no future. And even better. I could barely stand mine, you're going crazy with him.
Номер 8, номер 9 съм и ще пиша пак. Дали историята е въобще такава както я описва мацката, започнах доста да се съмнявам. На 27 години какво медицинско лице със собствена практика? На 27, ако вече си завършил медицина да речем, тепърва караш специализации, след това стажове, работиш някъде и т. н и т. н, а тя вече пише че и собствена практика е открила... и с дентална медицина трудно, най-малкото и там като завършат работят за друг докато понаучат занаята, и чак тогава си откриват практика. Не че е невъзможно, не искам да звуча като кон с капаци, но на мен тука малко ми светка червената лампичка. Ако е така наистина както го описва това с практиката, браво. Друго... медицинско лице, а се е хванала с човек, който не само е шизофреник, но и очевидно от това което е описано, ИМА някакви проблеми... мед лице няма да осъзнава реално в каква опасност се вкарва с това.... не знам... Без да съм по конспирациите и да се филмирам с "измислена история", аз логика не намирам тук, не знам за вас
№16 Have you lived with a schizophrenic? It's easy to give advice on someone else's back. No one makes the author turn her back on anyone or treat the boy as an object. The very definition of schizophrenia is a mentally ill person, ie. his soul is not exactly "reasonable." In this line of thinking, he is dependent on others for his perception of the world to some extent, I guess for fear of trusting himself. And for a reason. Another characteristic is that such people do not like change in the environment, because routine helps them to be more stable. That's why he insisted on going home and the author moving in with him. Apart from all this, however, he does not seem to have any romantic feelings for her. It may be due to his specific needs, which have caused a strong dependence on his family, but the result is there. So disregarding his illness and the cause, the right decision is separation in any case. There is no reason for a person to turn his back on himself and make compromises for another who does not reciprocate.
In fact, your problem is that you don't want to step out of your comfort zone. If you really are a medical person, as you claim, you will find a job everywhere. Your problem is not that he is a schizophrenic, but that he communicates and shares a lot with his parents. Everyone accepts the child-parent relationship in a different way, if he wants to share and listen to his parents let him do it. Since this is not ok for you - you leave. Find a person from Plovdiv or Sofia, since small towns are not an option for you.