That's how I remember it. They quarrel with me over the biggest trifle. They insult me how crazy, stupid and how I will not succeed in life. I'm talking about my own parents. When I get a high grade, they keep quiet. I don't expect any rewards, but if I get a four, I'm afraid to tell them because they're exaggerating, as if I'll never fix it. And in the end, I always finish with great success. I am a person who tends to see the good in everyone. I don't let people near me. I have few friends, but I keep a good tone with anyone who hasn't hurt me. According to them, that's why I'm naive. They worried I wouldn't go to prison or hospital out of kindness. Like everyone, I have my good qualities and shortcomings. They always emphasize what I can't do. So far I have had a more serious relationship. My parents disapproved of my friend. They said that he was "like me" and he was a normal boy. We are not together now, but they would not approve of the new one. To them, everyone is "garbage," including my friends. They came to this conclusion because most of the company is fond of rock music. There are no people around me who have been addicted to alcohol or drugs. We haven't even smoked weed, but we're all geeks for them. I don't go to discos myself. I rarely go to coffee with friends and yet they are unhappy. I try my best to win their approval. I'm tired of hearing insults all the time and listening to how unfit I am. I tried to talk to them, but it came to another scandal ... including my friends. They came to this conclusion because most of the company is fond of rock music. There are no people around me who have been addicted to alcohol or drugs. We haven't even smoked weed, but we're all geeks for them. I don't go to discos myself. I rarely go to coffee with friends and yet they are unhappy. I try my best to win their approval. I'm tired of hearing insults all the time and listening to how unfit I am. I tried to talk to them, but it came to another scandal ... including my friends. They came to this conclusion because most of the company is fond of rock music. There are no people around me who have been addicted to alcohol or drugs. We haven't even smoked weed, but we're all geeks for them. I don't go to discos myself. I rarely go to coffee with friends and yet they are unhappy. I try my best to win their approval. I'm tired of hearing insults all the time and listening to how unfit I am. I tried to talk to them, but it came to another scandal ... I try my best to win their approval. I'm tired of hearing insults all the time and listening to how unfit I am. I tried to talk to them, but it came to another scandal ... I try my best to win their approval. I'm tired of hearing insults all the time and listening to how unfit I am. I tried to talk to them, but it came to another scandal ...
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Sunshine, you called the space you inhabit "home" in the title ... this is not a home. Accept that you are temporarily there and do not put it on your heart very, very much. When they insult and try to crush their self-esteem, imagine that there is a trash can nearby and their words fly against you, they collide in the mirror they are and they roll over crushed in the basket ... Don't tie yourself to them and you ask "why", etc. - just go through this stage of your life calmly without hurting yourself. I know you're sick, and they crush their words, their misunderstandings, their stupid habits, and the nasty thinking inherited from some other system ... they're losers ... and that's their thinking. You can only help such people when you help yourself. Now I want you to imagine something: - your life in 5 years! or after seven. Now you're 18, let's say, think a little about where you will be in 7 years. At 25, a smart, young woman with a future, her own home (or apartment) but with her own place, graduated, took the first steps in her career ... a woman with a chance. Now look at yourself in more years, look at 30. Just project in your mind a picture of some future moment for that day, when you will completely feel that you are free from the personal and insults of past things. Imagine it as often as possible, run in this play whenever it gets very hard for you and smile at your future. For me, this is an incredible success - in all difficulties. I have my personal, intimate "why" Why I have to succeed, what motivates me, what is the thing that, even if I fall to my knees, I will always stand up and to which I will constantly strive, even if I run out of energy, even if everything collapses ... The picture has been in me for half a year and it turned out to be a really powerful tool for self-motivation. But let it be something really important ... something personal for you ... And details, many details ... invent them, live for this day ... My professor likes to tell the story of a colleague. He had nothing to eat, he wore jeans he had nowhere to wash and slept in basements, entrances, parks. He used to do something to a grandmother, for example, throw her garbage and she would give him lunch, he didn't eat sometimes for days and after lectures he would close himself in the library ... but he was always smiling, such a dreamer. We asked him, says my professor, we asked him ... why? Why do you have nothing, but you are happy, which gives you the strength to continue, what is the secret of your endurance and why on earth didn't you draw the knife? He said: I just wake up every day and think about how I'm going to kill myself ... I'm living for the day I'm going to wake up and I don't want to kill myself. Now he is a successful man, says our professor, author of many books, wealthy, with a happy family and a nice house. Hugs!