The Wheel Of Life

Hello, Each of us has had at least one incident in his life, which he shared with a friend, and from a meeting he heard in response, "The wheel is spinning." It's true! I am a 25 year old girl. I decided to share about the thing that has been bothering me lately. It all happened 5 years ago and now it is happening again, but circumstances have changed. Well, 5 years ago I fell in love so much that I even got lost. I would be sexual and the person in question to whom I feel this emotion is also a girl, 3 years younger than me. When it all started we were younger, I was more relaxed than now, we went out in the same company, we knew each other well and of course After a drunken night, she found herself in the old quarters. Even then, when I saw her next to me in the morning, I knew that I wanted her not only for sex. So these evenings were repeated and tripled, but still she was somehow cold and had a hard time relaxing. I felt there was something stopping her from being with me the way I wanted to, and I was right.

She had already identified another benefit for which she was trembling and waiting for the right moment to act. That moment, of course, came and she just decided she wanted the other one. Leave me without a single conversation about what happened. She moved away a lot, she started dating only with her new benefit and so for almost 2 years, during which years I was with several men and women, but she always stayed, the person I was thinking about, dreaming about and asking myself the question “What if it worked out. " As much as I didn't show it then, I really suffered for her, I got sick and few people knew what really happened. I tried to get closer to her, I wrote, I went to places where she did, but nothing. Time passed and they actually broke up, I was at the beginning of a new relationship and yet something was still pulling me towards her. I will never forget the evening we were alone again after so long. The evening when everything changed. She was in front of me again, I was a little confused, but I still knew I wanted her again and I was ready to dump everything and everyone.

We just met, I wrote and I went to them. We drank beer and chatted. She asked me if I had anyone, of course, I didn't lie to her, I said I wasn't alone. Then she said the following words: "I think I was wrong, I lost too much time with the last girl, but in fact, I realized that I love another." My heart went up in my head, I shivered! Of course the beam again! It turned out to be a completely different person, some other girl I knew vaguely. I caught a taxi and went home. I never went back there. I met a relationship with another, it also faded over time, but there was always a thrill. Sometimes I was angry that I didn't have the courage to tell her everything, but she was always busy. It's been a while. In total, 5 years since I last touched her. The irony is that after so much time, about a month ago I welcomed a friend from abroad and we gathered the whole company for a while. We had a lot of fun. She was there too, and as soon as she came to me it became clear to me that something would follow, she was just different, obviously because she was already alone. He stayed with us for more than 3 days.

And I have not been more confused than now. This has been going on for a month now, she claims she's in love with me, she wants us to be together, and I'm blocked, I'm just already flickering on a frequency that I don't seem to notice. After all, 5 years have passed. There is something deep inside me, which wants her and wants us to experience everything that 5 years ago failed. But the circumstances are very different now, I grew up, I no longer think only in which bar to go out today or when to have another party at home, I want someone to be comfortable with, because lately I'm experiencing a lot of nervous conditions that affect sleep and of my relationships with others, perhaps it is one of the reasons. On the other hand, she is in this period of carefree crazy long nights and alcohol tours, another issue is that our families are close and our parents are patriarchal to the point of pain, and it is madness to even think that they would accept something like that. PS, Have we missed each other somewhere in these 5 years? Should I give myself a chance and try to be happy with the person I've always wanted or run away because I can't stand it if he turns his back once more without explanation or simply fails because of the many frustrating circumstances.

I don't want to experience everything again. Sometimes I even feel that I like to humiliate her, maybe I subconsciously think that this is how I will heal the old wounds that she opens every time she hugs me. Can I forgive and love again the man who gave me some of the saddest moments in the best of times? And you would?