I knew from a young age that I was different, that I was not like other children. I was 2 years old when my mother wore skirts and dresses and I cried that I wanted pants. When I was 4 years old, then I realized that I was in the wrong body. I wondered why I didn't have a penis like the other boys, I played with men's toys, I asked my parents for men's toys and clothes, and I said I felt like a boy. My parents didn't take him seriously. My mother was very reluctant not to talk like that. A small child is always the most sincere in his words. From an early age, I was confronted with ridicule from children "why do I look like a boy and have short boyish hair", they called me in all sorts of words. The friends I had also asked me such questions, I felt extremely sick. Everywhere I was with my parents, they said, "Is this your son? “. I was very happy when they said so, but my mother was still angry and scolded me for looking like a boy. I was extremely sick of those nasty words of hers. "I'm ashamed of you, what you look like." And I thought I was crazy, feeling like a boy, I didn't know there were others like me. It's time for school for 1st grade. Then came a new challenge. The children started with some stupid questions, mockery of me, they realized that I was different, but still I managed to find friends and then it became nice. When I learned to read I bought two books in which he wrote about the puberty of boys and girls, when I read what things were waiting for me and I got up at puberty, I was disgusted and did not want these things to happen, but so I found nothing about it why do i feel boy. And so the 1st and 2nd grade passed and my mother decided to move me to a new school. I didn't want to move I liked the old school. In the new school, when I left, the children did not like me, saw that I was different and avoided me. Then I heard the words transvestite and hemaphrodite, I didn't know what those words meant, but they sounded very offensive and nasty. They asked me, "Which boy do you like?" “. To this question, I told them, "I don't like anyone! “. I liked some of my classmates. If I said that, they would say I'm crazy. I finished elementary school. Well, there may have been some nasty incidents, but it was nice, as well as the summer vacations spent with grandparents and playing until late at 1 o'clock in the evening. I was already 11 years old in 5th grade in a new school, there were classmates from my old class and from the next class, we knew each other and there were no unpleasant events. Then came the terrible puberty in which my body began to change. It was disgusting to me - breast growth. Then came the cutting even more, a stronger hatred for my body, many times I wished I hadn't been born.
I myself was tired of misunderstanding people and all this nasty puberty, I started to have aggression. I quarreled with my mother, who then began to pay even more attention to my appearance, again. Whenever we went for clothes I wanted boys' clothes, she wanted a woman to buy me I didn't want. We always quarreled violently, she was angry that people perceived me as a boy, she often told me that she wanted a girl, she didn't want to have a boy, and she scolded me for grades and a bunch of other things you did. I was very violent. In the summer for 7th grade when I was watching Kechmania. I really wanted to have a body like these men, and many of my friends in my grandmother's neighborhood laughed at me for dressing like a boy. I told 1 friend that I feel like a boy. He blew it on the others. Then I realized that I don't have a single real friend, I was very sick. And I always wanted to have real friends like the others, but I knew it would be difficult because people despised me for my differences. I was already in 7th grade, the year went well as we graduated, most of my classmates were admitted to other schools, and two 8th graders gathered us from neighboring classes. Then came my nightmare, classmates from neighboring classes always insulted me and I had an unpleasant time with them. The school year has begun. They started teasing me and reaching out to beat me, I called them to the director, it was of no use and my mother came to argue but it had no effect. When my other classmates beat me, they hid them, once I even asked them what the problem was to do it and 1 boy answered me because I'm weird, because I was not like other people. I was tired of everything and when they beat me I started running away from school.
Then I came across a disgusting thing called menses. It was just the worst day of my life. When he came I was 15 years old. I cut myself nicely on the body, out of hatred for the body. Why is this my female body? !! I wanted to leave him. It was just a lot of suffering for me. And so the second term had come I did not finish the term well. I didn't care about school, I hated this nasty place and my classmates. It was March and I was in Kaylaka Park. As I was walking, I met an acquaintance - he was bisexual; we greeted each other we talked. He told me he was waiting for his friend. Invite me to stay if I want to have coffee. Later, his friend Nikki arrived and asked who this boy was, and he replied: "This is not a boy, but a girl! “. Then Nikki asked me my name. I was silent for 1 minute, I didn't want to say that nasty name that didn't belong to me. Nikki asked me if she could ask me something, I thought it was some other nasty question and I said fine. Nikki asked me if you were a boy, I said yes. Then other questions followed about the body and other things and you said you were transsexual. And she explained to me everything about us trans people and that she is also a trance, but she feels like a woman.
It was funny to me that such a man wanted to be a woman, then he told me that I should see what is in the mind not the appearance. I finally realized who I am and that I'm not crazy, there are others like me. Then Nikki introduced me to the other trans women, I really liked them all. She asked me how things were with my parents. I said they didn't know, and my friends didn't understand me. Nicky told me don't tell anyone until you're 18, and heterosexuals are mean creatures, to stay away from them she told me. From that day on, I went out with trance women and it was very cool. We got along well. I loved listening to them, helping them as much as I could. Nikki told me "You're perfect for helping trans people" and one day I'll help, I told her don't talk nonsense. Things were going badly at school because of the physical bullying, my parents stopped me from school when I finished 8th grade and up there. It was a terrible mistake on their part. Then the other transsexuals left the city. It was terrible news for me. They were married and in hiding. We kept in touch on bodies. At one point we lost touch, I was just devastated. For many years I was at home, in a terrible depression and with my secret. If I said I knew what would happen - a terrible accident.
In 2011, I said this at home. I was tired of hiding. Then came a misunderstanding on the part of my mother. She thought I was crazy and I took her to doctors and a gender reassignment doctor told her I was transsexual. She doesn't want to believe this thing, she just lives in one of her realities. I was about to be in night high school. I was very happy, I thought I would find new friends there, but I was wrong. My classmates made fun of me terribly, asked me nonsense, and I started using physical violence. I'm tired of ordinary people. In 2012, I had a terrible year in which I fell ill because of this misunderstanding. I didn't eat, I had lost a lot of weight, I had gained 42 kg. My GP did a test and said it was all due to my mother's misunderstanding of me. Since then, I've started finding trance people on the net and helping them as much as I can. It's been 11 years since I've been in the middle of transgender people. I've been away from hetero for a long time - I'm just tired of not understanding them.
And Nikki told me to be careful with them and stay away from them. And those trance people who say they accepted us - well, they just annoy me a lot by saying so. Everyone has come across people differently. Well, I'm proud to have been in this environment for 11 years and to help trans people. It is a title for me to help.
1 anton_danyluk answered
It is very sad how society rejects the different without them being a threat or doing something that hurts others. And I hate people like that. And it's good that you're trying to help, but by just separating from the heterosexuals, you're doing yourself a disservice. That's not the way - yes you can try to live encapsulated, but how far will it go? Thus, firstly, you close off any possibility of being accepted into this world and your life can improve, and secondly, in this way you are doing the same as the villains - you are discriminating.