The Luck Of My Life Or A Delusion?

Hello, my name is Vasil and I am 23 years old from a small town on the outskirts of Plovdiv. I am independent, work and live apart from my parents. Now I will share with you my love story and ask you for real and subjective evaluation and advice, because I am young, without a gram of experience and I do not know what to do. I'm basically shy and I've always been afraid to talk to someone because I'm going to be rejected and I never did. Until now, I have never had a girl next to me, let alone a relationship, I went out with classmates, friends, but nothing more than friendships. One day my colleagues, seeing me alone and unattached, told me about a girl, just to add her on Facebook and write to her if you had a friend, but that was not a problem. To look good in their eyes, of course, I said, "Well, no problem," but inwardly I knew that I would be rejected and did nothing. Of course I looked at the photos, but empty shame and fear. I didn't do anything. I also logged out of the account without sending her invitations or writing to her. Life was going well, I was alone, not guessing what would happen to me. It's been half a year and more and my colleague and I go down for lunch, we order lunch at a nearby restaurant that we always go to and a miracle. At that moment, she enters with her friend and sits across from us. Something that had never happened. Let her be there. Although they were laughing with her friend and drooling, I could feel that she was trying to get my attention, but I'm shy, I ate and quietly went down with my colleague without showing any signs of interest in front of him. It's been two or three weeks and hop a friendship invitation, I open and what to see SHE ... In the 7th heaven, I immediately accepted with joy, but I did nothing, because I knew that she had a friend, and I was afraid that if I wrote to her, she would cut me off. It's been a day, two, I updated my profile picture and immediately liked it. A few weeks like that, I like photos and finally I decided to get scared and write to her and I thought it was better to write to her and she rejected me than to regret all my life that I hadn't tried. So I wrote and did not answer immediately, but the next day, but he was very warm, he was interested in me. She was the initiator of all conversations. It was obvious that he was interested. And I just didn't know where I was. This was the first girl to show interest in me. I decided to study it and immediately looked for the colleague who told me to add it half a year ago and asked him about it, without suspecting that there was anything between us. He told me, that she was big rubbish, those were exactly his words and he had been with her for a month and that she was a great master of sex. If she went with me, I wouldn't be the only one. I immediately formed an opinion about her that she was "easy" and I saw her only as an opportunity to sleep with her. I didn't see her as serious and that anything could turn into much more than sex. We chatted late, he shared a lot with me, he revealed himself to me, but I didn't feel anything and I didn't read what he wrote to me at all. I knew he would sleep with me and I was calm and did not invest anything. She did everything. It didn't happen long after that. See you at the first writing, I was not refused and she wanted to see me a lot, but it didn't happen right away, it took a while and we saw each other and it happened. She was in a cycle and we didn't do it, but I got other nice things. Anyway. Whatever happened, happened after we finished, I went to work, and she went home. We parted with a kiss on the mouth as if we were 10 year old boyfriends. I call myself fuck, what's going on. She has a friend doing such things with me ??? And on the first date? I said to myself that she is really like the colleague said and I can't expect a serious relationship from her. That's why I didn't take her seriously. That's how we wrote our hearts, we went out together, everything was wonderful, I had a girlfriend, but I knew she had a boyfriend and I didn't feel sorry for her, I tried to have a good time and satisfy my physiological needs. It was like that for two weeks, after which she uploaded a photo with her friend and it said I love you very much. I stand as if blown up. Meanwhile, she writes to me: What's going on? How are you? I do not return. She sensed that something was happening and wanted to know what was happening, but I kept not writing to her. In the end, out of jealousy, I don't know what I wrote and I have to put an end to it. She wrote to me: Once you have made a good decision, but are you sure you want it? I wrote to her: Almost. Of course, she agreed immediately and stopped writing to me. An hour or two passed, neither I nor she wrote. I freaked out that this was the end of everything I was getting and started apologizing. I told her that no matter how much I wanted I couldn't end it, she was my beauty, that I loved her and such nonsense and she told me. I know. She told me she shared my feelings, but it was different. I could feel it. We continued to see each other, to write to each other and here came her prom. She told me I would send you a lot of pictures and write to you, but she didn't. I wrote to her, but it wasn't the same anymore. He was colder, and rarely wrote. The next day, she had uploaded photos from her prom and I watched her boyfriend hold her hand and have a ring on it. I freaked out again. I immediately wrote to her: Everything is clear to me. I deleted all our photos. I wish you all the best. And I think they're engaged. And blinded by anger, I didn't really see what was happening. As she told me: There was a lot of tension around her ball and there were a lot of people and she didn't just have time for me, and the ring was on her hand all the time without me seeing it. Here I want to open a bracket. Do you feel like I fell in love without wanting to ?? Because I didn't feel it until one day he left me without saying anything. But for that further. Not only did I pull back a little after I told her I had to end, and now I had deleted everything and it got worse. She told me the end. Put a hiccup on our heart that we had made. I didn't know what to do. My stomach tightened, I began to tremble and feel fear. The only thing that came to my mind was to pray that he would come back again and that I had made a mistake. At three hundred dawn, I somehow fixed things. But it was no longer the same. Over time, without realizing it, I made such cracks again. I also gave her advice and told her that there should be a person next to her, after everything I told her above. I was no longer her priority, after all that had happened, she was getting closer and closer to her boyfriend. Our meetings were reduced to 1-2, I was already the initiator of our conversations and it was very cold. He stopped telling me, we no longer wrote to each other late every day, but every two or three days. There was no sex. He didn't want to see me. I didn't know what was going on and what to do. I sought advice and was told to be cold. I started to stay cold and that killed the last hope of being together more. This brought her even closer to her boyfriend. She stopped writing to me at all, and I prayed and told her I had made mistakes, but she was gone. He didn't write to me anymore, he didn't care about me. He just forgot about me and gave himself to his friend. A few days ago at 300 dawn I contacted her and she told me that she already lived with her friend. That's how I gave her a few days without writing to her without attaching her advice again with the pretext that she would return. Advice from friends. But nothing. I also wrote many times: well, I leave you and I came back again and I prayed that everything would be as before. But to no avail. I was told that her heart was taken by someone else and that she had chosen her own path. Whatever it was. She remembered him well. As I wrote to her, she just read it. She didn't pick me up when I called her, but I still found a way to see her, I went to her work and she told me that she was working on starting a family. I left it for a while without hanging it. However, I am already obviously in love, after being ignored for 2 months and not interested in me, I kept insisting on getting her back and I went to her work again the other day and she told me the worst. He showed me his engagement ring and told me you never imagined how serious she could be and that there was no way anything could happen between us anymore. During this time, I was left alone with my thoughts. I went back when she wrote to me and saw how many signals she was giving me to stop. To appreciate that she really loved me and I was deceived by the opinion of my colleague that it was only for sex I missed a girl who neglected everything and especially myself to be well. Tell me what to do. I think about her all the time, I am very angry because now that she is gone, I understand what I have lost. Not just sex. And attention, love, respect. She was kind, good to me, she always made sure I was okay. All values ​​that are not valued in our time and not everyone gives them to you. Now I understand why she may have been with her colleague and a few others, but she keeps coming back to her friend. Because no one appreciates her as a woman, qualities and character. And everyone lies to her and behaves well just to sleep with her. I am angry that I was blind and did not show her that I am different, but like the others I thought with my lower head and only for myself ...