We met my ex almost four years ago. We were 29, we are already 33, but the story is almost teenage. Then we worked together. I liked her very much, there was chemistry between us. And I tried to win her over in the way we know she rarely works - I was nice to her, I made small gestures to her - croissants, coffee. I sent her flowers once. She liked it, but she pulled away. She chose another man. It so happened that then I left work and we reduced our contacts with her. She spent two years with him. During these two years, they separated and reunited several times. When they had problems he remembered me, we talked, we went out, but we never got to anything beyond beer in the neighborhood. She complained to me about him and caressed her ego with my attention. From what she had told me, their relationship was a nightmare. In the beginning he lived with another woman and she was his mistress. Then they officially met, but he continued to see the other. He drank a lot separately, he touched her. When she dumped him, he began to pursue, obsess, threaten her. Apparently she liked that dynamic. During this time I was convinced that she was the love of my life. To say that he is some kind of alpha macho, but no. A completely normal man of our age, slightly full. He was not rich either. And apparently there were a lot of complexes and problems with drinking. And she is a great babe - beautiful, smart, cheerful. Almost two years after she caught up with him, he beat her quite badly and she ran away. It didn't give him another chance. We got together a few months later. We spent about eight months together. It was good at the beginning, but at one point the problems started. She often had moments when she was cold, sad, carried away.
No matter how hard I tried to make her happy and happy, it didn't work out. Sex was intermittent - sometimes it was OK, other times she pulled for weeks or did it reluctantly. Sometimes he was rude to me and grumbled to me for no reason. Once, while she was in the bathroom, a message appeared on her phone. I saw it was from her ex. I opened it, saw that they had written back, but I could not read more, she returned to the room. I couldn't find a place for two weeks, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know for sure if he was cheating on me, I was wondering how to find out. And at one point I told myself that it wasn't really that important. Whether she cheated on me physically or not, I was obviously a plan B. For her, the person she was with so she wouldn't be alone. Or the last train for a woman passing 30. And then I made a difficult decision. I told her we were breaking up, without other explanations. I gave her the things she had left at home. She was very surprised. Then she called me a few times, but I didn't pick her up. Almost a year has passed since then. We met a few times, when she was warm, but I kept the conversations only within the framework of elementary politeness. On Facebook, she liked my photos sometimes, I deliberately did not open her page. But this year I changed a lot of things in myself - I went to a psychologist, improved my self-esteem, got in shape, started going out and having more fun. I began to attract women's attention. I had a few brief affairs with quite attractive girls. Life without her was not so bad. A month ago, she called to congratulate me on my birthday. Invite me for coffee. We saw each other, talked about each other. We got to the hard part. She urged me to tell her why I broke up with her. I explained to her and asked her to be direct with me. An honest conversation ensued. She said that indeed, while we were together, she was not sure of her feelings, but when I left her, she realized what she was losing. Her ex wrote to her and harassed her. He admitted that they chatted and drank coffee once. She swears they had nothing more and even offered to see her chats. After we broke up, she went out with him to overcome me, but he got drunk and aggressive again. She says she wouldn't date him, even if he were the last living man on earth, and she sounds sincere.
She admitted to me that this year, after our separation, she had a relationship with her colleague for several months, but it didn't work out. A week after coffee, he called me for a beer in the park after work. We talked, laughed, she started hugging me. I admit, I am weak, he knows how to seduce me. He kissed me and until I felt it we pressed on the grass. We ended up in their bed. We have seen each other several times since then and the sex is unique. I can't recognize her. She gives herself to Max, she does things I didn't think she was capable of while we were together. He cooks and massages me separately. He says he still loves me, that he wants us to get together. I explained to her that I could not give her what she wanted. I don't want to be the bad boy who humiliates a woman, cheats on her, beats her. And my good attitude will be boring to her. She claims that it is no longer the case that she has realized her mistake and wants us to be together. She claims that she wants a man who loves and appreciates her. She feels much more attracted to me than she ever was. To be honest, I haven't loved another woman so much. I want to be with her. But there is fear in me - can it be in a normal relationship? Or when we get together, she'll be uninterested again. Or she's with me, because at this age it's time for something serious. And all her behavior is just numbers. Physical infidelity, I guess, really didn't exist on her part. I do not believe he is lying, because sooner or later it will be understood.
1 misusami answered
Look, man, you look like a decent boy, but she 's not for you. Don't listen to how she changed, how she loved you, etc. I'm not saying she hasn't changed and she doesn't love you, but the question is how long. I strongly doubt it will last long. You made a big mistake, that you went out with her at all, that you explained who, how, why, and that you got to bed with her is a very, very big mistake. I am convinced that this is done quite deliberately, because such women are wonderfully hired, that once you have sex with a woman you love, then it is difficult to give back. that's why it's all cooking and pampering. You have already entered an area from which it will be difficult to give back, but better now than later, when there will be much more serious consequences. Believe me, you won't be interesting for long, no matter how convinced she is. And then you go back to the starting position. And for what?