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Love and affairs

The Difficult Choice

By lautitsweet July 05, 2020 10 answers Last updated July 05, 2020

I decided to add my story after I couldn't find a solution. My relatives advise me various things, which confuse me even more.
As the title suggests, it's a matter of choice ... between former and current men.
My ex and I were together for 3 years. In general, we fought over nonsense, but we never had serious scandals. Although there are many defects in character, I was able to adjust them to myself and find balance. We thought of home, family. But a problem arose - a close relative of mine tried to separate us. I will not explain how because the story is long. The former was in a difficult moment - he lost his job, I almost did not go home, because I study in another city and I had accumulated commitments, and so the relationship ended .... without guilt.
I tried to talk after a while but to no avail. He was depressed.


A few months later, I met another person. He is good, funny, kind, but very closed in on himself. However, I told myself that this was my "reward" for the suffering of the separation I experienced with my ex. We did 1 year soon.


And ... the ex reappeared, started looking for me, telling me how sorry he was. At first, I didn't pay attention to him and I was even ready to write him off. But when we met, I felt that flame, that spark ... I felt that I had not stopped loving him, on the contrary, I was mistaken. I've always been his, just trying to heal old wounds with new medicine.


I'm hesitant about what to do because I don't want to hurt the new one because of past loves. But if I stay with him, am I ready to sacrifice myself? Yes, I love him, as absurd as it is, but I just don't love him as much as my ex. It is normal, even the fingers are not the same, there is no way everything is the same. I have feelings for the new, I have feelings for the old.


We have a problem with the new one - at the moment we do not live alone in a dormitory (I study in another city). I have to constantly breathe cigarette smoke because his roommates smoke inside - just the terrace is closed, there is nowhere to go ... and in the words of my "they did not want to gasify their room." We live in separate rooms with other people, but I'm not comfortable. Somehow I feel depressed. I recently read a similar story here and here it happened to me.


I started having cigarette attacks, and with pressure to ask the current one to move. He still refuses and gives deadlines until the end of the year. My health is shaky.
And at that moment the old love appeared. The love with which I have always made plans for a family. We have not spoken to him with the present, he is closed and very rarely shares. I feel he loves me, but in his own way. Just like I love him, but ... when someone else showed up, why did I hesitate? Why did I give up? Why did everything go wrong? Why... Why .... ???
Please help. Because I can't help myself. The heart says the former, the mind the present.
Thank you!

Answers 10

1
dianakbush answered · July 05, 2020
Neither. You will find another one! :)
2
silvielove answered · July 05, 2020
I will tell you as a man, no real man will be able to swallow that you forgot him and threw yourself into the arms of another, he will get up and fall asleep with the thought that after him another has touched you and will hardly last long, for your new friend that he is indecisive and will remain so in the future, no woman wants to take away the role of the man, in this case, you do, the initiative to move, etc., young do not rush.
3
krisztina_o answered · July 05, 2020
I'm sorry, but I think you're a person who doesn't know what he wants. You can't dump a man because he's depressed or because of some cigarette smoke. It's just not serious! It is best to distance yourself from both of you for a while and think calmly. And one more thing: it's definitely too early for your family.
4
caramel_lady answered · July 05, 2020
Hello, first answer a very important question - abstract from your current friend. Then think, if you don't have another boy in your head and your ex wants you to get together, would you go back to him? My opinion is that once you have broken off the relationship, it will not be any different. But it worries me that you obviously don't have serious feelings for the present, once you let your ex back in your thoughts. Don't confuse the spark with your ex with something real, these are fleeting sensations that fade and disappear over time, plus now he brings you intrigue and a sense of movement that something is happening in your life. It is not guided by this. Think about which of the two you behave closest to the way you behave when you are with your parents and family. The boy, the right boy for you should relax you and be yourself. Obviously there is something between you, but maybe you were still young and that's why you were separated by some circumstances? Otherwise, if we were 25-30 years old, you would have taken your life in your hands and followed it. Apparently you're old enough, I hope it doesn't sound rude, and can you give yourself a second chance? My advice is to leave lightly this fan who has no value system and try with the boy you had plans with. Apparently he had such plans for you ... My feeling is that you have to be with your ex.
5
emmbielle answered · July 05, 2020
the mind seeks the new emotion, that of the new relationship, and the heart says the one that gave you security, the question you have to ask yourself and answer is simple, which love are you looking for the primary or the lightest
6
kateactie answered · July 06, 2020
You are young, everything is still in front of you. Whatever you choose and make a mistake will not be fatal. They are unlikely to be the last men in your life. Just listen to yourself and think about how you will feel best, don't think of both of them and spare them ... when you decide what is better for you - act. Once you make a decision, do not look back and do not regret the choice you gave up :) Look only forward. And calm down, there's nothing so wrong.
7
juicy_place_ answered · July 06, 2020
Don't bother, darling, don't go back to your ex. If we don't think for ourselves, who will actually do it? !! There is nothing better than giving your heart to someone, why do you complicate your life? ... Just go to the former or the only one. Because if it weren't, you wouldn't hesitate and write here. For the boy with whom he does not worry, God helps will overcome you, pray for him to meet someone with whom it is ok. We are here for a while, let's be happy!
8
hoodbaby86 answered · July 07, 2020
Just sit down, think soberly, weigh the pros and cons with each other, and most of all, follow your heart and intuition. For us women, it is highly developed and always gives the right answers. We just sometimes miss listening to it.
9
mona_evans answered · July 07, 2020
If the fact that your ex has not lied to you, betrayed you, humiliated you, etc. is not true and he is conscious, and you are in love with him and there is no obstacle between you at all, why not try again? If you're not feeling well with the current one ... think about which of you is more thrilling ... we can't know better than you who you're in love with.
10
lana_violet answered · July 08, 2020
FROM THE AUTHOR: Thanks for the answers. Indeed, the decision is only in my hands. I forgot to mention that I am 25; the former is 33 years old and the current one is 31 years old. Regarding number 3 -Alpha, I would answer you: I did not abandon my ex due to depression. He dumped me because he shut himself in and refused to talk. I looked for him for a while after we "broke up", and I wanted to help him or at least clarify the situation, but he never wanted to see me. For cigarette smoke ... it's a serious motive for me because I developed an allergy. I came to his apartment with the stipulation that it will be until we find another home - ie within 2-3 months. Here, we have been like this for 7 months now and he claims that I will endure until the end of the year, if necessary, because he has not moved. Otherwise, as a relationship is good, it does not bother me, he tries to help me in the household. But when it comes to making important decisions, it always procrastinates. He tries to gain time and time to adjust things. I have to threaten him and repeat the problem to him to think of some compromise solution. All the best.
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