The Boring Homemaker, Or The Adventurous, Life-time Snowboarder?

The Story

Hello, I am a woman of 23. I recently met a very nice 27-year-old snowboarder while we were waiting in line for the lift in Borovets, and then it turned out that we were in a hotel. If we exclude the fact that he is charming and quite sweet, what captivated me about him was how calm and positive he is, how he accepts everything with a smile, charismatic, funny, intelligent, good-natured ... perfect. We spent the whole holiday together - 6 days, mine and his company fit together perfectly. I feel around him in a very strange way - I feel like a teenager, I feel butterflies in my stomach, my heart rate rises, I forget what I want to say, etc., etc. I fall asleep and wake up thinking about him and in general ... I fell in love, here, I said it ... And I would say that I'm falling in love like this for the first time in my life and the feeling is quite strange, quite irritating, but I've NEVER felt ... so attracted, so obsessed with someone. And he is so charming, good and at the same time challenging, full of life.

And the problem is, I'm in a relationship. I have never cheated, I hate infidelity and I hate myself at the moment, because even purely emotionally, I still pass it on somewhere. That's why during these six, good days, I kept a low profile, even though everything inside me was burning and I wanted to dive upside down, to indulge in emotions. My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years, a little less. He is 25, generally a calm housewife. Gives a feeling of coziness and comfort, also would not cheat. I was never in love with him, rather he fell in love and fought for us and I decided to give him a chance. I would say that I am attached to him, but I do not love him in the full sense of the word. I love him, but not the way a woman should love her husband ... it's hard to explain. I'm comfortable with it, for sure, but it lacks this thread of ... challenge and fun, in general, our relationship from the very beginning is one of the more casual and boring. He didn't even want to come skiing with us.

I know that the new one may be an unstable stone - one that looks stable, but when you finally trust and step on top, you fail. But I really fell in love ... I don't know if he feels the same way. He is one of the most sociable people who can talk to anyone and meeting me means nothing. He hung out with me, joked, complimented me, taught me tricks on the track. Somehow his interest in me was stronger than in the others in the company, but that again might mean nothing. Last night we all went to a bar and danced together, but before he danced with me, he danced with another girl who obviously liked him a lot too. He generally didn't pay much attention to her all those days, or so it seemed when he was around me. In their free time, something more may have happened, I have no way of knowing. After the "dance" we went out together in the fresh air and this was the first time we were alone. Despite the late hour and the alcohol, it was quite adequate and we talked about different and interesting things, as it turned out that we work in one field and generally have very similar hobbies. It was very cozy in his company, very nice ... but I did not dare to kiss him, he tried, but I could not while I was with another. I told him I was in a relationship and said he understood. For his part, he said that a few months ago he ended a 4-year relationship because he was cheated on. He said he respected my honesty.

It has been 10 days since we returned to Sofia. Ten days I haven't seen him, but I think about it all the time. From time to time he writes to me, in fact he writes it is strongly said - he sends me various things via messenger - videos, pictures, does not strike up serious conversations, but although from a distance he tries to entertain me and maybe keep my interest in him. Do not do it often, once every 2-3 days, as the chat does not last more than a few lines. It's like it's just a reminder of its existence. He wants us to go for a ride on Vitosha next Saturday ... I didn't ask him if he asked the company or invited only me, but we have a common chat with the company, if he wanted us all to go up, maybe he would write there ... And this whether I will agree depends on the path I decide to take.

I'm thinking of breaking up with the man next to me, somehow I feel like he's not ... the man of my life? If there is such a thing at all? I wonder how to make it at least painful. He has proved to me many times that he loves me and his heart does not allow me to hurt him, but it is so inevitable ... I am angry with myself that if I break up with him, it will mean that I lost his time even now I will hurt him, not deserve it. He really is a very good man and ... I'm afraid to hurt him so I don't create a monster. I don't want to ruin his life, really.

 

So I'm at a crossroads and I don't know which way to go. If I break with the current one and indulge in emotions, I don't know at all what this will lead to. Will it not come back to me trampled and someone else in time to capture the heart of the man from Borovets, or with him things will not work at all ... or everything will be perfect and our love will be strong and mutual? It can only be sex ... Nobody can predict that, neither I, nor he, nor you ...

Or to stay with the current one and not hurt him, to blunt my feelings, to concentrate on side activities, work, not to have time to think about it ... to block the snowboarder, to leave the general chat and try to live your life in the old way without much, much emotion, for sure. Pretended for a start, resigned after a while. I have no idea how a person falls in love and forgets someone ... and whether it is possible. I've heard it's hard, especially when it's unconsumed love.

What would you do? It wouldn't be so difficult if they weren't so ... human, good, successful, combative ... The confident and not so adventurous mood, a financially stable but somewhat boring homemaker, or one who can't stand on one place, dreams of discovering new worlds, also financially stable, but also quite challenging, radiant, captivating ...? It's extremely difficult for me ... and in the end, out of all this work, at least one in three of us will be a pomegranate.

Last Updated
June 05, 2020
Author:
lannaharris

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