The Beginning After The End

Hello! I'm writing a topic for the first time, but I've read a lot and I think it will be easier for me at least a little after sharing with you. 2 weeks ago I ended my first serious relationship, which lasted nearly 3 years. It was my first in everything, we parted by mutual consent. Let me tell you about my relationship so you know why I feel that way. From the beginning, like my first, I had sunk in and relaxed and allowed myself a lot of things, but I misled the year and went after the queue and apologized and compromised just to be with her. She used me as a vent, and when she felt bad, I became the blackest in her eyes. However, I did my best to get better after everything. But I'm not perfect either, and I was angry and told her a lot of untrue things, but I couldn't be angry for long and it passed quickly. But after a year or so, in the summer of 2018, which was hard for me in the middle of the summer we parted at my insistence. It was a hard summer, and she didn't help me at all, and I decided I couldn't do it anymore. But because she is my weakness at the end of September I could not resist her and we got together.

It was a mistake on my part that I didn't think soberly ... But this time I told myself that it would be different, that I wouldn't allow her to use me as a doormat, but it got worse ... I, full of hope, persisted, and I was trying to get better. It is only now that I realize that it could not have happened, for anything else, and she has not wanted it all this time, and she is no longer the one I would do anything for. I'm sorry it happened, although, after all the insults, beatings, threats, I'm still happy to see her smile. What kind of masochism is this ... I know I would be better off without her, but it hurts me that my efforts were in vain, because we are both developing at the moment and we just moved away, and we never said it to each other .. I have to start again, and I don't know what prevents me from feeling relief, why I feel pain ... Thanks to the Spodeli team, for the opportunity to share someone's story. Thanks also to those who read it.