Social phobia or autism? Are they the same? Are they different? I'm very afraid to talk to a psychologist for a lot of reasons. I've been shy my whole life. I'm always sharing. When I was little, I had a problem and had to wear glasses. I was funny with glasses and everyone was making fun of me. I wasn't that shy at the time. Then, as shy as I was, I was trying to make friends. No success. I was very harassed. They took advantage of being sensitive and crying out for every insult. And at school, I was bullied because I was different. Because of this harassment, I already prefer loneliness, but in a way, I want friends (only online friends). I've almost never responded to fear-mongering. A year ago, my classmates were saying, "Oh, I think she's got autism." I was uncomfortable hearing these things. I wish I could cry. What if I'm really crazy? I've read that social phobia is fear. Fear of saying something wrong, or insulting someone without wanting to be the center of attention or fear of being judged for what you say. That's my reason for not talking to people. I've also read that people with social phobia delay social events (avoid them in simpler words). Always after every socializing situation, I analyze how it all went. They must think I have autism because I can't look people in the eye. Like I said earlier, it's because of my weird eyes. Actually, I can make eye contact, but not for more than 5 seconds and not with everyone. Some guys don't know why, but I can't look them in the eye. They just assimilated to you that I had autism. I've read that when you have a social phobia, you avoid eye contact. This leads me to questions like "Are these 2 diseases the same? ". I don't want to spend money on psychologists because my parents aren't very rich, and that's expensive. My physical symptoms, which I feel as only I feel them, are sweating, redness, my heart starts beating hard and I feel it everywhere, sometimes shaking and difficulty breathing (the last 2 least). I've made friends online who accept me for who I am. I've seen one of them live coming for the summer in my town (although in the center that's far away) and the others are smaller than me, so I can go to them. I've talked to them on video chats and we've done live doubles together (I haven't spoken, but they've been showing their faces). Two years ago, I was comfortable writing with strangers, and now it's awkward and I feel annoying, but to some extent, I want new friends, at the same time these are enough for me because I don't deserve them. I don't want to tell the psychologist about them because she's going to tell mom, and she's strict. I've been hiding for over four years. I used to feel guilty because I'm lying to mom, but I don't regret anything anymore because where I'm going to make friends like that. Sometimes I want to be on an individual form at school, but that means I'm going to lead an SOP. In 99% of cases when a teacher asks a question and everyone is silent only I know the answer, but I do not say it out of shame. For people who have asked themselves this question and have an answer (from a psychologist) please write. I hope this time the editors approve of this story because I can't find it.
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