Hello
I want to share, rather ask. :) Let me introduce myself first .. I'm 27 years old. Already with a serious profession (let's say seriously for me). I work and try to create and do a lot of things. So far, whatever I have done, I have done it alone in my life, quite difficult, slow, and at times with absolutely no luck and support, even from those closest to me. Maybe they didn't believe in me, I don't know. Anyway. I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years. It started strangely. Rather, we were how to say from "modern friends with benefits."
I want to share, rather ask. :) Let me introduce myself first .. I'm 27 years old. Already with a serious profession (let's say seriously for me). I work and try to create and do a lot of things. So far, whatever I have done, I have done it alone in my life, quite difficult, slow, and at times with absolutely no luck and support, even from those closest to me. Maybe they didn't believe in me, I don't know. Anyway. I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years. It started strangely. Rather, we were how to say from "modern friends with benefits."
Before that, I had a relationship for almost 6 years with a lot of dramas, problems, quarrels, divisions, and whatnot. Later I relaxed with my new partner. We have been living together for about 8 months. Until then, he took me almost nowhere, and I did not take him with me where I went out. Not that we didn't want to, but we were more selfish, so to speak. My friend has an older brother of about 4 years. A child was born to him. We started seeing them more often because of the child. So far so good ..
My friend is a person who does not speak very much on any more serious topics that directly affect us as a couple and our future. But a gram. We even lived together because I told him to come to me. A year ago I invited my cousin to live with me for a while and the only time my friend and I quarreled, he told me he wanted to live with him, but I preferred others. I didn't know how to understand what he was telling me and why. If you wanted a more serious step, why are you silent and not showing it ?? And please don't tell me that someone is afraid of something because we are not in kindergarten. A 28-year-old man should already know what he wants from his life. When I talk or send him some reading in the chat (for example, an article) about children, couples without children, etc., he abruptly changes the subject. Super illogical act. At the beginning of our acquaintance, we both talked that we were thinking about children after 30. He knows very well that I did not rush for a family, and right now when I work and think about some development. But I'm very annoyed! Not for anything specific, I just lost 6 years in a fruitless relationship, I don't lose another 6! I heard from my ex-boyfriend how wonderful I was, how much we were going to leave as parents, but we met too young ...
Very strange logic. Was age an obstacle that we are almost the same age ???? Here is something similar. It does not seem normal to me that someone avoids communicating about completely natural things. I did not press him, nor did I want anything serious from him at this stage. However, I don't think this man will ever say to himself if he wants to do something with me, and I wouldn't want to wait to hear him ... I love him, I hold on to him and I would always help him. I never made him support me or anything like that. I never told him that we should get married and have children! He once told me in his anger, while we were arguing a little rougher, that I had the potential to be the most important woman to him. But I don't see it happening. Maybe there's something wrong with me, I don't know. I just don't feel so aimless anymore, no matter how much I love someone, I want to see that I'm something for him and that he would like to build something with me. Is it so hard to communicate ...?
Answers 5
1
imurguy30 answered · July 05, 2020
"He once told me in his anger as we argued a little more roughly that I had the potential to be the most important woman to him."
Immediately, a second after such a sentence, I raised my heel, aimed at his ass and gave the initial speed for the strong smoke to disappear!
This sentence contains a poorly disguised threat, manipulation, egocentrism, narcissism, ..
- you have the potential, but you are not enough
- you have to change for MY good
- you are not important to me, special, unless you do something for the sake of which you are comfortable enough for me
- I'm not going to waste my time explaining to you, you have to remember how to serve the "sun"
Do you want to lose yourself an author ... hardly. Prepare the luggage for him, from where he came to go and you will see how someone will agree with him, even if he has realized that even from the "sun" something is expected - to warm, to caress you with his rays, to caress you power supply, etc.
2
jade1677 answered · July 05, 2020
If you listen to number 1, you will never create a full-fledged family. Such arrogance towards a loved one is extreme nonsense for which you would pay a hefty price.
Uncover the cards, tell him all this. If you want, send him the article.
3
_t_i_t_ answered · July 05, 2020
Tell him directly what you want, if you want children - I want a child after 9 months, even if you have sex and see how he will react. About what he told you - well, if you're not the most important woman, why is she with you, or mom is more important. They men and 27 (did you say that much) are still like in kindergarten ..
4
mayacpll answered · July 05, 2020
Author, n 1 I am, I turn to you and n 2.
The opinion is from a woman in a healthy and complete family for 15 years. When I read your post, my husband and I were in the living room and I laughed. I also read to my husband. His reaction - "haha, tarikat". In principle, I did not even intend to write, I thought that his statement itself was obvious. Then, however, I read your post a second time, then I wrote to you.
He hasn't even really asked for an exclusive relationship with you yet, he hasn't stated clear intentions for a common future, and he's already modeling you? !!
Or at least it tries, it makes you feel subtle that you have to change yourself ... well, no.
My husband has hobbies that irritate me, but I am a part of him and I have accepted them, I even get involved sometimes or I just attend, I know that he likes it and that's enough for me. For his part, he doesn't understand my (hobbies), but he likes to be by my side and to talk while I'm doing my things. Neither of them has ever tried to change the other or instill in the other a sense of inadequacy. It's just that over time, we've naturally adjusted to each other. Because we are important, unique, special and we know it.
The other is ... the slightest disrespect for the person, the character, the essence of the other. In this sense, I advised you above. For me, this is pure manipulation. What if one day she appears in his life who will not need to change, "re-educate", but will only want to be with her? !!
Otherwise, yes, I agree with n2 to speak openly, although I support my first comment. This is how I proceeded, this is how I quickly got rid of unwanted consequences, that is why I am now with the right person and happy.
5
saragolden answered · July 05, 2020
Author: Number 2, I agree with you, there really is a dose of truth in what you say