Hello, before I share my problem - to introduce myself to get some idea. I am a girl of almost 21 years. In a serious 4 year relationship. I graduated from sports school and generally do not complain about my appearance. My problem started when I was in 3rd grade. My mother and I lived in an apartment where the landlady and her friend, then about 50 years old, had a key besides us. He constantly came to us when I was alone, stripped naked in front of me, masturbated, touched and did it on purpose. He wouldn't let me out of the room, sometimes I even pretended to call my mother just to scare him, but alas. Nothing helped. And to this day she did not want to believe what had happened to me for several months. After a while, the landlady also came to live in us and her friend frequent her appearances. My real nightmare has come, when one night I woke up holding her boyfriend's cock and his hand was on mine. I cried and he left the room. Later that evening, however, he came again and lay down naked behind me, touching me. I was afraid to cry again, he wasn't trying to penetrate me, but it kept happening. My mother worked in a hospital and drove day and night shifts. He never witnessed what was happening, and maybe he didn't believe me. It all stopped when we moved to another apartment a few months later. This man left me a huge mental trauma, which has consequences to this day. Sex for me is always last, sometimes I even hate it. Not that I don't want to do it or I'm not wanted, on the contrary, but I've never allowed myself to enjoy it. You can't, I'm passive in that regard, and that bothers me. I don't know how to forget my childhood memories and indulge in my primary desires. I know that sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, or in general, but I get into fights with my boyfriend because I don't relax, I don't even let him hug me when he's behind me. I just remember for a moment what I went through and I want it away from me. I don't know what to do anymore. Will it always be so Will I carry this memory for the rest of my life? Please give me some advice. Will it always be so? Will I carry this memory for the rest of my life? Please give me some advice. Will it always be so? Will I carry this memory for the rest of my life? Please give me some advice.
Answers 11
I would advise you to go to a psychologist first. Good methods have been developed to deal with this type of problem. The second thing you need to do is share with your friend - if he really cares about you, he will understand you and will not press you. With its help you have to overcome your fears and relax. The disgusting thing about the whole story is that your mother didn't believe you and left you in the hands of this freak, but you can't change the past. Look for stories of people who experienced sexual violence in their childhood, who coped with the trauma of the experience.
Forget it, it's like it happened to someone else, not you, okay? I am a boy and yet I have been sexually harassed by pedophiles twice and much more disgusting and brutal than you. I'm drawn to sex correctly, sometimes I can't, but I try to forget it, as you should. Know that it has happened to other people, and you are not guilty of anything! Just don't think about it anymore, the past is over!
Darling, be sure to go to a psychologist! This is a serious matter and you should talk to a specialist. I don't know if you've read Lolita, you can read it and find some answers you might be looking for. I wish you to be able to cope with this and enjoy the love you deserve with your friend! It's good for him to know and deal with it together!
I want you to be strong! I advise you to visit a psychologist. You are not crazy, but you have a childhood trauma that the psychologist has to help you with. I believe you will achieve it!
I really understand you very well, I don't know you, but I know that you are a very strong person! How do I know ... you have an intimate friend. In my opinion, your trauma is not deep when you let a boy in your bed, but you MUST definitely talk to a doctor who really understands his job and knows how to help you. And I would also recommend you to pour wax or a bullet especially for this trauma and I hope you get better! And your mother ... I have no words! What is this woman who does not trust her own child? It is unbelievable what clumsy mothers become ... From the bottom of my heart I wish you to find a cure for your pain, and never give up. -Justice
Hello, darling, I sympathize with you and join 1, 2, 4 and 6. And on number 3 I wish to get your "invaluable chance" and "gain experience". I urge that this comment be removed immediately and that the witty author be denied access to the site. And I ask the moderators to be more observant and precise, the girl has had enough extremely difficult experiences to endure the ridicule of sick brains and perverts. Thank you for your attention.
In principle, psychologists are necessary if you are so obsessed that you do not want to even be close to a person of the opposite sex, let alone have sex. Not that it will not be useful in such a case, but once you have the desire to do something about your problem, it is not necessary. You will carry the memory for the rest of your life, but in the end it is up to you whether you will let it bother you. You have obviously overcome the problem of sexual harassment. But there is the side, which is usually bigger - the one with trust. Your mother is also to blame for the deepening of which. I'm pretty sure you didn't share it with your boyfriend, even though you have a 4-year relationship. In reality, the situation is not very pleasant, but it is an ideal test of how serious your relationship is. He is, in fact, the person with whom you have to share these problems, and who must show understanding and to whom " When you see that there is nothing scary, shameful or anything wrong, only a bad childhood memory will remain. However, if such desires are missing (although I was left with the impression that they exist) - a visit to a psychologist is mandatory.
Does your friend know about this? If not - tell him and if he is a valuable person who loves you, he will understand you and help you with the help of a psychologist to overcome the trauma. If he knows and doesn't get into your situation, then he is not for you. But if you try your best to repel his attempts to help, then there is no way to get a normal life. The trauma is great, but to overcome it, you need desire and work on your part, as well as understanding and support from your loved ones. Let your friend help you - he is not your unbelieving and unsupportive mother and I believe that in his face you will find the support you need. Strength and happiness! (woman)
But let him not tell his friend, eh. She is young, she may have other connections, will she tell everyone? You have nothing dear, you are a fire girl. If you can't forget, go to a psychologist. Or buy such books from good psychologists for self-help and honors. Keep your head up. Don't be ashamed, don't worry. Don't feel guilty about another person's filth. You can't be responsible for a madman's actions, can you? Don't worry that your mother doesn't believe. Some people, when they hear something so shocking, refuse to believe it. Don't blame yourself, your mother. You have a boyfriend, a young handsome boy, have fun with her, life is good. You deserve to be happy :) Fata Morgana
I agree with the opinions of those who wrote above ... I just want to add that systemic sexual abuse by adults to children is usually carried out by relatives (uncle, uncle, etc.) .... When the child share with his parents they most often refuse to believe him. Or they attribute this to his childhood fantasy, with which they themselves calm down. Apart from the fact that the shock is great for them, they are confused and cannot believe it. They are also afraid of possible conflicts with the abusers, especially if they are relatives ... They prefer to keep quiet and not raise the issue, which further complicates matters and in no way helps their children .... Now at least , to date, pedophilia is openly talked about and these things are not taboo and there are many places to which the child can turn - teachers, social workers, child psychologists, child protection. But all other neighbors, friends, relatives should be aware of what it means that a small child is not in a position to defend himself and to help him if necessary. And the child's psyche will not be hurt and traumatized in this way.
I sympathize with you completely. But that's over, this old perverted exhibitionist checker is out of your life. Seek a psychologist to help you overcome these unpleasant memories. You have a serious man, as you write, live happily with him, get married, life is in front of you.