Rejected And Hated

The Story

Hello! I am a 17 year old girl. Without many friends (not to say any) and many enemies. The story begins when I was in third grade. Harassed by people who don't even know why they hate me. I listened to insults, throwing stones, pushing and what not. After 2 years it was over (I will not go into detailed how), but I forgave these people and we became friends, but the relationship with my parents changed, for them I was a big failure, when I had a problem with something they always answered "yourself" you are guilty ", they beat me, they quarreled with me for the smallest thing. Even when we made the same mistakes, I was the most guilty of them all. When I became 8th grade, the same people who were harassing me, whom I forgave, started ruining my life again. Then I was in a new class, in a new school and they were in that school (exactly some of them). They came in the break, took my things, hid them in different places. They even threw my backpack, notebooks and travel bag out the window. Some watched and laughed, while others pretended that nothing was happening and remained silent. They came to me and called me you are a mistake of nature, k ** va, offspring and many other names. A serious conversation took place with the parents of these children and the school. They stopped harassing me, but my classmates behaved badly. At the end of 10th grade I met a boy, he was very nice in character, we got along great with him. We had become friends with privileges (an extremely big mistake). Everything was fine, until one day people came to me on their own and asked me "but why did you dump it for someone else", "I realized that you did it many times" and all sorts of similar questions that had nothing to do with reality. I have never had sexual intercourse with this person, nor have I abandoned him for someone else. We were just friends with privileges nothing more. I felt humiliated, depressed. I passed people and said to myself, "Now everyone believes things that are true. Only two people have seen us kiss, but I'm worried they won't say anything to anyone. We had agreed with the boy not to tell anyone." It turned out that he was a friend of the people who were harassing me. I was ashamed to leave us, I kept telling myself that what we both did was something very bad. I'm already in 11th grade. but I still think about it.Why everyone hates me.Everyone has made mistakes, but I always feel guilty when I make a mistake and I've always apologized compared to them.And yet their life is amazing, not nasty as my. I have lost hope for life, I do not find meaning in it. I do not know how to move forward, I feel guilty to this day for all the mistakes I made before. I recently had an argument with a classmate because something small made her a problem (why I sat in her place during a break when she wasn't there). He was yelling at me and insulting me in front of the whole class. Again, as always, I felt humiliated. I cried all day and thought there was black magic, a curse on me. A few days later we quarreled again, as she insulted me and I, for which I am very sorry, feel disgusting. I shouldn't have insulted her, I shouldn't have fallen to her level. Please advice. What to do, I do not find meaning in my life, we can move forward. I am constantly thinking about the past, about the mistakes I have made, about the people,

Last Updated
November 01, 2020
Author:
nasajpl

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