Problem With My Eldest Daughter

   What about the little daughter - where is she in what is written? Did only the eldest daughter grow like a greenhouse flower, getting everything ready? In my opinion, your troubled daughter is a spoiled, egocentric girl who got everything ready and thought that everything should be given to him on a baking sheet, and immediately. It may not be too late and difficult to do, but you better get her to take care of her child and take responsibility in life. He gets a little money - well, but the more he has, the better. She doesn't work, she doesn't study. She wants a man to adore her and to satisfy her financially, ie someone to adopt her financially and replace her elderly parents. I think there's something wrong with the upbringing you gave her.

   Ma'am, the problem is with you. You made the mistake of breathing down her neck. "Since I was a child, my husband and I tried to get everything she needed, she didn't lack anything, I would even say that she was oversatisfied and did not suffer any deprivation." - you deprived her of the most important thing - freedom. You locked her in a golden cage. That's why she was looking to get rid of you. Here she made the mistake of marrying young and not going somewhere to study or work. He would also get rid of you. Her life is like that, thanks to you. Because of you, she married a man she doesn't love. Anyway, you've already made the mistake ... the important thing is not to make the same mistakes from now on, because he may hate you. Of course, as a parent you are worried about her, but you made the mistake of not putting yourself in her shoes. Now she is happy with her new boyfriend and you are harassing her again. Not good for the child? Well, besides your granddaughter, think about your daughter. Don't bother her anymore, let her be happy with your new boyfriends. From now on, avoid messing with her life. Excessive concern instead of positive has a negative effect. I apologize for my words, I have a sharp tongue, but what I wrote is the truth. ~ * Rejected * ~

   If I can afford it, one word - RESPONSIBILITY. My impression is that your daughter cannot take responsibility. You have always taken it for her sake, and you have felt sorry for her, so you haven't even said it, except in a scandal, at times when the scratch is overflowing. This is not a good service. It should be clear to everyone that it is clear to everyone who drinks and who pays. Then she drinks in moderation and is not angry.

   Since I was a child, my husband and I tried to get everything she needed, she didn't miss anything, I would even say that she was oversatisfied and did not suffer any deprivation. ...... This is where the problem comes from. A mother's child, she is used to getting everything ready without moving a finger. You are to blame. But let's leave who is to blame for how much, let life stick its slaps for another year or so and see how everything will be fine. Life is the strictest and fairest judge. You do not interfere much, because you will take it again.

   From the author of the topic. You asked about the little daughter. She went to study in Sofia and is independent, we also send money every month, but she is doing quite well. Otherwise, with the big dramas continue I do not know how long. It is true that when there is a problem, no matter how much we fight and make sanctions, it passes us by and then we fix everything, but I don't know. As a child she was a cheerful, radiant and happy child, and now I have not seen her smile for a long time, she walks like a ghost, I see that she is unhappy. She smiles only next to her friend who is now, but I don't understand how she loves him (at least until now, except for him, she hasn't used those words for someone else and that's why we decided that he will be able to deal with her), but how much she loves him so much and is dissatisfied and irritable with him. She had a husband who provided for her, but she left him, now this one doesn't have a chance and I think it annoys her, even if she can't understand that this is the reason. My husband is regularly angry with her, but I always make him not speak badly to her because he hurts her, and she can't stand being told what to do. I roar because I don't see what we can do. I thought that one day she would just meet a person who truly loves and will change, will become at least a little responsible, but alas, it seems not so and in all this muttering on her part, I see how she does not want to take responsibility for anything. I thought that if we provided her with a good life, everything would be fine with her. he always had the best clothes among his classmates, at 18 he had a car that many mature and big people didn't have, then he got the most amazing wedding. I don't know, I take any advice. I wanted to go to a psychologist, but she'll hate me if I suggest, does not tolerate criticism or such suggestions. I don't know how to deal with all this, and my husband doesn't help me, I see that he drinks more and more often so that he doesn't think about the problems, I see that there is a vicious circle :(

   The people upstairs said it very well. I can only add that the author must be careful with her second daughter. It may be normal as long as she has to be supported by her parents - not the first and last, but this is not a sign of independence. On the contrary. And she's not alone, but at least she's doing something with her life. Time will tell. Otherwise, as parents, it is better to retire a little from the life of your daughters. Find your hobbies, just go on vacation together, cut the big one financially and stop? are you confused in life, in looking after the child? If you don't take time for yourself now, you will soon be diagnosed with many more diseases. Laura

   The mistake is really in you and the upbringing you have given. The worst thing is that you continue to treat her like a small child who has to satisfy all whims. She is a woman with a child after all, she has to take care of herself. With this over-indulgence, you've turned her into a spoiled slut who knows that no matter what happens, Mom and Dad will always be there to fix her buckets. And he proves it with his behavior. I don't like that - come to mom and dad, I don't like that again. Unfortunately, you have turned it into a weak league, which everyone thinks should. Usually such people, no matter how much you do for them, always find something they do not like and are capricious (in the case of her ex-husband and current friend, this happens. Usually children expect others to treat them as their parents are used to treating them. Unfortunately, in life few people will go to satisfy all the whims of someone just because he is used to it. Hence her failed relationships. And most of all, the granddaughter suffers because she wants motherly love and a mother and cannot give it to her, absorbed in her own whims. Your daughter knows that she can always count on you, so she doesn't bother to study, to find a better job, or to look after her child. So stop messing with her and saving her everything. Let her learn responsibility and ambition on her own. If you don't stop when you die, she will definitely have to, and then it will be harder, because she will be years old with a child. Unfortunately, in such cases, the knife must rest on the bone, to wake the capricious princess and see what real life is like. Tell her to take care of herself and stop canceling her in everything. Ask her if anything happens to you tomorrow.

   Dear author, my advice is to tell your daughter that it is time to move out and take care of yourself, that with your husband you do not feel well physically and you need peace of mind. For God's sake, she is 30 years old !!! Not 10! To manage as best I can, watch your life ... It will be good for her to have a little independence ...

   In many cases, the children who get everything ready then can't cope with life, I also did something similar to what your daughter did, I decided that I was in love, that I wanted to live with my friend and it was time for a child. So I did when I was 22 with a 2-year-old daughter, BUT after I decided that I would live like that, my father told me the following: the truth we live together but I pay bills, I cook and look after my child, I don't rely on him or my mother despite the fact that we are together, if they don't have it I give or my husband if I don't have it I want from them BUT everything comes back !! The bills are split or if I can't this month, they will pay them and the other me. At first I didn't understand why he made me do it when he had enough money and I was told many times that mine were unnecessary, wanted to teach me responsibility. Now that I have read your story, I fully understand it and I am grateful that it did. As for your daughter, the only thing she does is harm the psyche of her child, I impoverish and love my daughter very much and I give everything for her, when she goes out with my mother in an hour I am already sad and I have 100% confidence I call phone and worry. I think that you or someone else took more care of your granddaughter, maybe that's why she doesn't have this attachment to the child. when he goes out with my mother in an hour I'm already sad and hem and I have 100% confidence I call on the phone and I'm worried. I think that you or someone else took more care of your granddaughter, maybe that's why she doesn't have this attachment to the child. when he goes out with my mother in an hour I'm already sad and hem and I have 100% confidence I call on the phone and I'm worried. I think that you or someone else took more care of your granddaughter, maybe that's why she doesn't have this attachment to the child.

   Walking frowning in front of you is a simple style, not depression. Just think - if she feels enraged by the hopelessness that she has broken and has to share a roof with you - she will naturally demonstrate how unpleasant your presence is to the point of living in her great unhappiness. Listen to Laura and don't sacrifice your life for her, but that doesn't stop you from taking care of the child. I don't even understand what the hell you were arguing about for her, that she goes out and doesn't stay with the child, since you know how detrimental her presence is to his upbringing. Next time he runs somewhere to leave the girl with you. Save all the money you usually give her for your granddaughter. At least you can help, for the rest you are powerless.

   The author of the topic: Thanks for the advice, but I do not understand how the care we have given for her can be reflected in this way. It is really a little ankle and quickly loses patience and interest in something, but still from my point of view it seems strange to me what is happening. The granddaughter has respect only from my husband, she turns us on our little finger, but I guess this is normal for a small child. He's lying to us, he doesn't admit it to the end and to some extent I really see something in common with my daughter, but let's hope that everything will be fine.

   You seem to be a very polite and kind woman, which cannot be said for your daughter. She really is a very spoiled woman who behaves like a small child. It seems to me that she still does not know what she wants from life - now with one man, now with another; makes shapes for good and bad ... etc. In this case, you are not guilty of anything, except, perhaps, for allowing yourself to do what he wants. She has a child and has to take care of him, she is his mother, not you, in my opinion it is not normal to wander at night with I do not know who, in the presence of a child who will increasingly need his mother, and as can be seen the child's psyche is now damaged. What are these outbursts of aggression? It all comes from the family environment. Take care of your grandson and let your daughter break her head. It's not your fault that she only thinks of you when she is abandoned. Don't be afraid that he will hate you - it won't happen! She'll just be temporarily angry with you, and then she'll think of you again because she won't be able to handle herself. When she was 20, it was perfectly normal for her to want to be independent. For this age, being independent is a dream come true, but the more you grow, the more you see that you need your parents. Rejoice in your grandson, whatever happens. Don't worry about unnecessary nonsense that you end up suffering. It would not be bad to talk seriously with her on this topic. If nothing happens, good health! Come on, congratulations. When she was 20, it was perfectly normal for her to want to be independent. For this age, being independent is a dream come true, but the more you grow, the more you see that you need your parents. Rejoice in your grandson, whatever happens. Don't worry about unnecessary nonsense that you end up suffering. It would not be bad to talk seriously with her on this topic. If nothing happens, good health! Come on, congratulations. When she was 20, it was perfectly normal for her to want to be independent. For this age, being independent is a dream come true, but the more you grow, the more you see that you need your parents. Rejoice in your grandson, whatever happens. Don't worry about unnecessary nonsense that you end up suffering. It would not be bad to talk seriously with her on this topic. If nothing happens, good health! Come on, congratulations.

   Probably the fault is in us, too, when you think about it, you are right. It's hard to deal with her. In terms of love it is the same. He was angry that one was doing nothing for her and the next was accusing him of following her like a puppy. As if there is no middle ground. He who says he loves seems to be the most vulnerable and unjust to him. I don't know why this happens, but I see how it is ruined and how it is ruined because of some small things. When she tells me an incident, I want to tell her what I think, but I don't dare because she is so inspired and confident in what she does that if I tell her something she will be angry for a long time. That's why I keep saying that the choice is in her hands, even though she doesn't understand it that way. She blames him for all her obstacles, hates him more and more, without his guilt. This is reflected in her work, as well as with our granddaughter. I notice that she is scolded when she least needs to and she explodes seriously, and when she really needs to intervene with a firm hand, she behaves as if nothing has happened. I do not know what this behavior is due to, but I am afraid of the consequences.

   I think you should leave her, let her shake her head, don't support her. My parents also tried to explain to me that what I was doing was not right, but I kept to my word. Now I understand why they told me so and I realize that I should have listened to them, but it's over .... Stop supporting her, let her handle herself and financially and with the child in the end you have to realize it's not small. In your place, I would kick her out of the house and I would not look at her, let her live a month or two without anyone to support and help her, to see her then who will look after the child so that she goes here and to whom . Let him realize that there is only you and that you think well. Maybe many will say that I'm talking nonsense, but I think that until a person loses what he has, he can't appreciate it. After all, that's just my opinion, you decide whether to do so. I have not received anything ready and I appreciate the little that is given to me, it is not pleasant, but it is better to be with such an apologetic rude behavior given that I have nothing and I have not achieved anything. She should be grateful for everything and not be angry. Please excuse me if I have offended you

   From the author. A few days ago was the culmination of everything. All my life I try not to interfere in her decisions, to leave her to choose, but I'm already very scared and I really don't know what to do. Some time ago he felt uncomfortable and went to the doctor. they also told her to go to a psychiatrist because she was physically healthy but mentally unstable. Of course, she refused to go, only taking valerian from the pharmacy, which obviously did not help her. The granddaughter went to sea with her father and the daughter indulged in nightlife. A few days later, it turned out that she did not do it with her current boyfriend, with whom she broke up without telling us, but with a new boy. Of course she didn't tell us not to stop her and not to read her on horseback. When I asked her why she was doing this, she replied that this was her life and that we had no right to confuse her by falling into hysteria. then she raised a scandal with her ex-husband because he hadn't picked up the phone when she was looking for him. As a cover, she asked me for money so that she could go to sea, but without telling my husband, because she knows that he is still angry with her and will not allow it. I asked her where her money was, she told me she had bought new shoes and clothes and they were gone. Now I'm sure your advice was wise, but I don't know what to do anymore. What are these problems with the psyche, how do I get her to go to a psychologist or psychiatrist? It's clear that a lot of people nowadays are on antidepressants, but I don't know if that would be good for her. I also know that her stubbornness is great and she broke up with her last friend because something teased her, and she really hates someone to say something to her that she doesn't like. As a cover, she asked me for money so that she could go to sea, but without telling my husband, because she knows that he is still angry with her and will not allow it. I asked her where her money was, she told me she had bought new shoes and clothes and they were gone. Now I'm sure your advice was wise, but I don't know what to do anymore. What are these problems with the psyche, how do I get her to go to a psychologist or psychiatrist? it's clear that a lot of people nowadays are on antidepressants, but I don't know if that would be good for her. I also know that her stubbornness is great and she broke up with her last friend because something teased her, and she really hates someone to say something to her that she doesn't like. As a cover, she asked me for money so that she could go to sea, but without telling my husband, because she knows that he is still angry with her and will not allow it. I asked her where her money was, she told me she had bought new shoes and clothes and they were gone. Now I'm sure your advice was wise, but I don't know what to do anymore. What are these problems with the psyche, how do I get her to go to a psychologist or psychiatrist? It's clear that a lot of people nowadays are on antidepressants, but I don't know if that would be good for her. I also know that her stubbornness is great and she broke up with her last friend because something teased her, and she really hates someone to say something to her that she doesn't like. she told me you bought new shoes and clothes and they were gone. Now I'm sure your advice was wise, but I don't know what to do anymore. What are these problems with the psyche, how do I get her to go to a psychologist or psychiatrist? It's clear that a lot of people nowadays are on antidepressants, but I don't know if that would be good for her. I also know that her stubbornness is great and she broke up with her last friend because something teased her, and she really hates someone to say something to her that she doesn't like. she told me you bought new shoes and clothes and they were gone. Now I'm sure your advice was wise, but I don't know what to do anymore. What are these problems with the psyche, how do I get her to go to a psychologist or psychiatrist? It's clear that a lot of people nowadays are on antidepressants, but I don't know if that would be good for her. I also know that her stubbornness is great and she broke up with her last boyfriend because something teased her, and she really hates someone telling her something she doesn't like.

   as long as you try not to interfere with her decisions, you will let her itch the potpourri she has crushed herself. - when she dumped her boyfriend: ok, that's her job. I would not get involved in such a decision - the scandal of the ex is also her job - but to ask for money for the sea, after she bought rags, will excuse me a lot! At the age of 30, it is more than high time to do her homework and, if she wants, to spend a lifetime, I would set her a monthly amount to pay at home and spend the rest of the money as she chooses. before I got married I lived with my parents and grandfather and we were exactly on that principle. my husband, too, before we got married. there is nothing wrong with that, a family is a family, but no one should abuse others and become a parasite. if she doesn't like it, she'll take care of the apartment herself. as soon as he lives in your house, will follow some rules. I just wonder how you let her get on your head. this leads me to think that your little daughter gladly went to study elsewhere. I can't believe she didn't notice what her sister was doing and how you were fixing every mess she made.

   Chatter-bang 16. You shouldn't let yourself, as you say, "smash your head" and "Make a quota ask", that's why it got here. If you read above, you will see that this child-woman, at the age of 16, had a car that not many adults could buy. So far no one was wrong, here and there scandals and nothing else. That's why it's like that. I guess she takes a salary of 600 - 1000 BGN and they are a little and 3,000 to take, will still be a little. With a total budget of BGN 700, nowadays many 3 or 4 member families are fed, but they are probably much happier than the one who spends more. This woman has to leave at home, for example, 300 leva, to do with others what she wants, to buy cigarettes, to drink, to shop, etc. And only a firm hand can make her wise, if it can happen at all, although personally I do not believe that this is possible. On the other hand, her boyfriends have a direct connection to what is happening to her. An ex-man dumped for who knows what idiotic reasons and a bunch of men after him. It is probably beautiful when they run after it, but imagine the view after 5 years as it loses its luster. With a child and a desire to spend like a vacuum cleaner. So who will take her like that you think? Someone will be happy for her in a month, two or more, and then he will tell her to go home. Imagine the view at the moment: Some men run on it, want to be with her regardless of her ankle, accept the child and, however, this is not enough. Probably like most folk singers, he wants perfection: to be a beast in bed, to be meek as a little kitten as a character, to treat her like his mistress and most importantly, to have enough money for her to spend them . Can you imagine such a woman catching up with an average man with a hall of 500-600 leva? The worst thing in history is her child. That she watches passing uncles, a neurotic mother and grandparents who stare wide-eyed and grab their heads by their daughter. What do you think this child is waiting for?

   As I read from the comments above, it is not a lie that oversatisfaction was partly a mistake, when children once feel that everything is allowed to them and everything is bought for them, then they become uncontrollable. But we are not here to judge you, but to give advice. In my opinion, you should talk to your daughter very seriously, present the facts as they are, without keeping silent about your illness, but also without pointing it out as a reason for her to feel guilty, because then she will definitely become more guilty. bad, she will move away, she will take the child, and it is not known what kind of man she will meet in the future. Say how much love and attention you raised her, also don't make the mistake of blaming her, just ask what she thinks needs to change, why it got to the point where her child gets these crises at school, how does he intend to proceed with it? If she doesn't answer, don't spur her on, just tell her you're with her and you'll support her, but you're worried about her future, as well as the child's, make her think, even if necessary, and say that you want to help her with anything, talk constantly, don't let her go away, offer options, also say that it's good to save money for the little one, because sooner or later she will grow up, she will need money , be it for university or school, courses, etc., ask her if she wants her daughter to be proud of her, if she doesn't want to build her own home to raise her in, after all, I think if you approach with care and discretion, you will be able to make her listen to your advice, if there is a close person who listens, point out all this to him, someone has to, who is close to her and whom she would listen to. I wish you success, it is obvious that you are a good person!

   From 16. abe 17, do you read? I also wrote that she had to contribute some amount to the general budget, and the rest of her money was for her. what else did you suggest that you define my advice as "bang-bang"? how do you propose to apply the "hard hand"? to beat her? to tie it to the heating? this is a 30-year-old woman who, on top of everything, is not used to taking responsibility, she is not even used to being told the opposite.