Obsessive Love

Hello! I am a 14-year-old boy from Sofia. I realize that many people will laugh at me just because of my age, but I'm really asking you for advice. My story began in late 2011. At that time our father left us. I won't lie, it sucked, but we overcame it. I have always been a quiet, good boy, trying to help others, and focused on learning. However, my class did not like me at all. To this day, I can't explain why - I've always been polite, I've helped them. Many people justify it with malice, but I am not so extreme. I will not lie, it was quite difficult for me, the jokes were constant, and my fragile child's psyche suffered a big blow. I already hated going to school, my relatives asked me if I had anything, but I denied it. I felt weak because I knew I could stop this whenever I wanted. But I couldn't. And I have no explanation for that, I just collapsed. And while all this was going on, she showed up ... a girl from my former class. We stayed together in Chemistry class (ie PE) ... I hadn't paid attention to her until now, but this year we started talking to her, we got closer to her ... a little bit. And so, until at one point I literally started counting the days until the next hour spent with her. It seemed, suddenly, extremely strange. And I also don't know why that happened. Honestly, the last 2 years are absolutely inexplicable for me. The only thing that interested me was her. Her eyes, her smile ... she was just a dream for me.

We never talked, except in class ... and usually our conversations consisted of explaining things to her. I woke up at three in the morning and thought about her. I only dreamed of her. In class, I looked at her and dreamed, so I dreamed about how she responds to my feelings. Like I said, I've always been in the bison category, and she was a girl with a lot of friends and acquaintances. She was my motivation. She gave me the strength to deal with my other problem ... I decided that my only chance to have her was to become more "cool". And so it happened. I put in place all those who ridiculed and crushed me. Summer came and I had no connection with her for about 3 months. I thought I forgot her, but it turned out I didn't. I'm already in seventh grade. Those were already my "friends". In fact, I hated them and still do, but I didn't have much choice. I gained confidence. I started talking to her more, making her laugh. Her every smile satisfied me mentally, made me happy ... I lived for it. I had the feeling that she liked me too. But at times he literally pushed me away, telling me to "get lost." It hurt, but I kept going. I knew I had to do something because we were going to be in different schools very soon ... my time was running out. Another boy in my class liked her too. She seemed to prefer him. I hated him. They spent so much time together, going out ... and I was standing at the dumb computer, looking at her pictures, trying not to cry. And I succeeded. One day I just decided to put my shame aside and invite her to a meeting. Her reaction?

Not very good. She asked to bring her a friend ... we went out. We had a good time, but it never happened again. I invited her again, but she still wanted to bring her friend. And again I agreed. I was like in a vicious circle. I wanted to be alone, but it didn't work out. This meeting, however, never took place. Day, in which we were going to go out, that boy came in front of me and hit me in front of her. No reason. I answered him. She began to defend him, and she looked at me with contempt. I told her we would go out some other time. That was around June 10 this year. The holidays have started again. I decided to try again, I still had hopes. I invited her, and she began to dodge and apologize. I'm tired, I told her directly that I only wanted to go out. And she started lying again that she didn't have time, that she was going somewhere. She had gone out with the other a few days later. You have no idea how much it hurt me. That was in July. We are now the end of October. And I still dream of her, I dream about her, but she is still just a dream. I look at her pictures and wonder what would happen if she responded to my feelings, everything would be so good.

My new school is wonderful, but I miss it. It made my day pleasant and meaningful. And now she's gone ... just like that. Oh, and the worst part is that that boy is in the same school as her and they're obviously having a good time. It's just extremely difficult for me, you know ... I'm trying to find another girl with whom to at least distract myself from her, but it doesn't work. They are absolutely indifferent to me. Everyone and everything. I have accumulated so much stress, so much anger ... I want to cry, but I can't ... I don't know how to cope. My parents don't know anything. No reason, I don't think they can help me. It's been a long time, thanks to everyone who read it, even without writing anything, please don't judge me, it's just my story ... C, 14. and worst of all, that boy is in the same school as her and they're obviously having a good time. It's just extremely difficult for me, you know ... I'm trying to find another girl with whom to at least distract myself from her, but it doesn't work. They are absolutely indifferent to me. Everyone and everything. I have accumulated so much stress, so much anger ... I want to cry, but I can't ... I don't know how to cope. My parents don't know anything. No reason, I don't think they can help me. It's been a long time, thanks to everyone who read it, even without writing anything, please don't judge me, it's just my story ... C, 14. and worst of all, that boy is in the same school as her and they're obviously having a good time. It's just extremely difficult for me, you know ... I'm trying to find another girl with whom to at least distract myself from her, but it doesn't work. They are absolutely indifferent to me. Everyone and everything. I have accumulated so much stress, so much anger ... I want to cry, but I can't ... I don't know how to cope.

My parents don't know anything. No reason, I don't think they can help me. It's been a long time, thanks to everyone who read it, even without writing anything, please don't judge me, it's just my story ... C, 14. but it doesn't work. They are absolutely indifferent to me. Everyone and everything. I have accumulated so much stress, so much anger ... I want to cry, but I can't ... I don't know how to cope. My parents don't know anything. No reason, I don't think they can help me. It's been a long time, thanks to everyone who read it, even without writing anything, please don't judge me, it's just my story ... C, 14. but it doesn't work. They are absolutely indifferent to me.

Everyone and everything. I have accumulated so much stress, so much anger ... I want to cry, but I can't ... I don't know how to cope. My parents don't know anything. No reason, I don't think they can help me. It's been a long time, thanks to everyone who read it, even without writing anything, please don't judge me, it's just my story ... C, 14.