I will not go into details, although the topic is TERRIBLY UPDATED, it is still about me. I tried to be as short as possible, I'm sorry you'll read all this, but it's my life. The two girls I really loved in my life have OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder). I write the name in English on purpose, because his explanation in the Bulgarian wiki is very stupid. The Bulgarian version is: OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER Part 1. When I was 19 we met. She was bullied at school and developed the disorder from there. The normal secretion of serotonin is suppressed, as a result the person often feels unhappy for no reason. In children, it is detrimental, because it solves their permanent level of serotonin in the future, in the form of complexes. (The parents of the bullies must be brought to justice!) She was much taller than me. Which, after 4 years of relationship, turned out to be a pretext for her (?!?!?) To break up. Acne that has not left her to this day. She was obsessed with cleaning and tidying up. Also her appearance. Until then, every time I got hysterical, it was very difficult for me. He spoke the most heinous things and insults a man is capable of. It challenged me to hit her, I could barely contain myself. After the big scandals, we broke more than 25 times. My friends and everyone who knows us kept making fun of us for continuing to struggle. I was her first. I couldn't leave her.
Subconsciously. I was programmed as if to take care of her and always forgive her. We broke up, and then she immediately left and fucked with others. 6 times. He was coming back to my door again, tears again, roars again. One night we had gone to bed, I had not yet fallen asleep, and she was daydreaming about a certain Nikolai. And we were together officially. Then we finished. I overcame it for 7 years. The first year I did not stop drinking. On the third of these 7 I saw her by chance in a club. 30 minutes later we had sex inside us. We were together for 1 week, remembering how disgusting everything was. That was final. More than 10 years have passed since Nikolai.
The positive: Sex with her was divine. He squatted dozens of times a day. Besides, if you don't know her closely, you would say that she is the greatest interlocutor (until you visit her at home). There was and still is a responsible and well-paid profession. A super-intelligent woman. We never drove for money. We had incredible trust in her, her confessions to me about my relationships with other men, belittled my feelings, but strengthened my trust. We have always helped each other both materially and physically. We lived through the 90s together, in the hungriest years, of potatoes and compote from the village, in a miserable room in a student town. Part 2. A second appeared, her name was "Yu" for a short time. I worked in China a year and a half ago for 2.5 years. She was Chinese, much younger than me, at 19. I was her first. When we met, she always looked 25 to me. After we slept, I realized how old she was. But too late. Anyway, I'm not sorry at all. In the beginning she too. It turned out that she had been bullied at school and then developed such a disorder. So far coincidences? He was constantly scratching his face, wearing huge amounts of makeup to cover up his acne. Self-destructive. She often felt unhappy. The hysteria was that no one loved her, she never deserved happiness. She was ugly, unattractive, had no friends, and so on. I said to myself - "Here, I get a second chance. Hold right! Find friends. The acne disappeared.
Overcome thousands of worries. He felt more and more comfortable. Even when we had sex, she seemed to like it to be on top :) However, I made a mistake. HUGE! In the West, we talk about the former, but I didn't know what OCD was at the time. I told her about the girl from part 1. She went crazy. I think I made things worse. And that's a lot. This time, already in hysteria, she always said "go fuck her". He then showed up at my door at 5 o'clock in the morning, with two beers in hand. And again, and again. Yes. At one point he wanted to commit suicide, however. In my kitchen (we lived in an apartment for 2 years) I grabbed the knife from her hands. Good thing he didn't know how to cut veins properly. Then I said to myself - that's enough ... I can't take it anymore. I took her to Beijing to see a psychologist. It turned out to be totally useless. I couldn't leave her, though. I couldn't wait for my contract to expire and we headed to Southeast Asia. Laos, Cambodia and Thailand. He met more and more people, gained more and more self-confidence. We drove courses together. We meditated together at a Buddhist monastery in Thailand on a 20-day retreat. We were elected. I saved her life from a bus and a river where she would drown. The positives. He squirted like the first. We always understood everything. It was never difficult for me with her and there were no whims (except for the hysteria). She was and still is, like a model. Incredibly beautiful (she studied to be a flight attendant). We went through a lot together, both in China and while traveling. We had incredible trust. She kept all my money in a pile, alone. I was sick at least 8 times and she was in the hospital with me every time. He took care of me while I had to go to work with a broken leg. He argued with the doctors, advocating for me. ==============================
Problem. Yu, broke up with me by text message. Haha ... Like the last teen. After Thailand, she returned to China. I was preparing things for her to come to Bulgaria. He had to finish his teacher. Yes, but after 3 months, she writes to me online. Long emails followed because she was terribly afraid to even hear me. He didn't want to see me on Skype. And so it all ended unilaterally. Then she told me that she had a boyfriend, even two, and that I had stopped looking for her. She used me to open it (!?!?!?). I was old, ugly and short. How blind she was with what she was ... that I was not from her league and so on. I drank over $ 14,000 a year. Without a job. I went to clubs, concerts. I traveled Europe. I was trying to forget. Of course, I got to the bottom. I went to London, I'm on my feet now. It's promising. But I'm still very depressed. Since then I have met over 4 girls that I like (! NORMAL!), But I have no heart for them. On February 14, I felt a little happy, I had the strength to open her face. Big mistake! She arrived in Paris to study 1 week ago. He also has a friend with whom he apparently lives. And as I flipped through the pages and bam - advertisement "London-Paris 12 pounds" I WANT MY HEART BACK! I want to meet and tell me I deserve a meal too. I want her to tell me "I wish you to find a partner like me" I'm afraid, however, she will still love / hate me. And I'm just going to ruin her relationship. For her, I'm just another complex - when she sees me, she'll think about my ex and I'll be hysterical again. =========================
I'm really happy for her. REALLY. I'm more like a father to her, actually. It sounds perverse, but I love her 80% as a daughter. I'm glad she found someone her age. But I also know that in the first hysteria he will most likely beat her jester and she will bloom again. Maybe even pregnant. And I don't want to open the door for her. I don't want to deal with "crazy" anymore. And without forgiving, it can't happen, however. Now that I'm with other girls, I feel like I'm cheating, and I've never done it. I'm not like that. I want my whole life back. I want a normal life. With the first got up. We promised each other happiness, we forgave everything and I had a heart for Yu. I want it to be the same with Yu. Yes, but this child is stubborn and hates me. That it's easier that way. And hatred and love come from the same place - it is not indifferent. Oh God how hard it is to love! And I want her to at least be indifferent to me, to move forward. ==========================
Question: I have already seen on Facebook where he studies in Paris. I can wait for her after school and see her. I know she's still a kid and I obviously expect her to behave like an old man, but, I can't take it anymore ... Should I go to Paris to see you and break up properly? PS Don't judge me harshly. My mother has OCD. I will say again ... I am programmed like that and Freud is right.
1 scottweinger answered
Eh, I would marry you! Now seriously ... I don't think going there will change anything. You may not get the desired result. And maybe it will get worse. She left you and it's all over. You have to accept it. I understand you very well, I was also dumped in this way. It's not pleasant at all. But don't be humiliated and go waiting for her. Let her live her life. One day you will find a good girl who will love you.