Obsession-iven_lee

Hello! I am a 17 year old girl. Nobody knows about this strangeness of mine. That's why I'm writing here to ask for advice. I just don't know how to get out of this situation. I'll start with the fact that a year ago I started vomiting food when I was heavy, on purpose. It was rare, but lately these cases have become more frequent and I just felt drained. It was a nightmare. I just stood on the kitchen counter and ate. Then I took it out of my body. I needed to feel food in my mouth all the time. I still have. Things didn't work out with chewing gum. I recently found a way to at least stop vomiting. And that is to chew the food and spit it out. I know it sounds disgusting, but just if I eat all this food, I'll gain a hell of a lot of weight. The other thing is that I drink a lot of fluids ... 3-4 liters a day. If they are non-alcoholic, I try not to have calories (they compensate for aspartame and any harmful colors), which I thought were the culprit for my constant desire for food. Moreover, I do not eat because of a feeling of hunger, like normal people. I don't even know exactly what that feeling is anymore and I can't tell it apart. I just want to feel food in my mouth and chew it. I don't know if this is also harmful. I really don't know what to do ...