Obviously what the title is about. We've been married for five years, we've been together for eight. We have a child of eight months (planned). However, my problem is that shortly before I got pregnant, they changed my husband's working hours - he got up at 12 o'clock in two shifts (day and night). It was supposed to be temporary, but here begins the second year. He was promoted and I see that he really likes the job. When he comes home, he talks to colleagues and discusses some detailed ... but it's hard for me. I don't have anyone to replace me at home in ten minutes. I went to the gynecologist after the birth, only in the sixth month, and I need the first month. My mother died, my father is ill (I plan to take care of him soon). His mother fell ill, his father was on a daily shift. I don't have any siblings, and I'm ashamed to call friends to change me (and they go to work too), at least to the dentist or something to do. I can't break up and use a babysitter, I can't imagine leaving my child so little to a stranger. We also have a dog that I spend with the child, but it is very headstrong and it is difficult to combine the two outside, and it is necessary three times a day, and yes - in the evening the child is with me again, because I can't leave him alone. for 10 minutes. When my husband comes home, he literally eats, bathes and goes to bed, and there is no help for me at home. I shop alone, I cook, I clean, I play with the child, I make the dog, I pay the bills ... it comes to me uphill. I feel extremely alone ... asking for advice on how to deal with these depressed moods. There are times when I collapse and cry secretly. I know I have to grit my teeth until it's time for the crib, but I'm afraid of getting depressed until then, or out of anger, getting a divorce. Yes, and such thoughts come to me .. And there is no option for my husband to change jobs. We are in a small town and it is difficult to find. Thanks!
Answers 24
I understand you, mine will be a year old, but the mother-in-law takes it in the evening for an hour. After night let him help you, don't leave him like that. I once told him - I'm tired .. And he .. From what? He thinks it's easy, you're resting and you're not at work. My husband puts him to sleep at night. You can hire someone for an hour at least ... Besides the child, you have to cook, clean ... and they think it's easy ...
Tell you what, I've been to a gynecologist and other doctors, there's just no way. Don't put off commitments for the sake of the child. Look for a club or someone to help you. You are in a small town. You all know each other. It's hard, but one manages somehow. We had a bad relationship with my husband because there was simply no one to rely on. My biggest dream was to sleep, and that was for years. I don't want to go back. When your husband is resting, go somewhere, try in every way to diversify and do not get into trouble. Watch on TLS TV there are several interesting couples with many children. Hey, these people, I don't know how such positivism endures. It will definitely work well for you.
You tell him that you can't stand it and that you're sad alone, and let's see which is more important to you or the job. One option is to leave him, to catch a decent man, the other option is to endure this for the rest of your life, and the other, in my opinion, is to leave him for a few days to come to his senses.
My husband also worked for many hours, but after work he always looked after her, for at least an hour. And on weekends - mainly him. My child is 3 now and it is much easier. But I can't imagine having a small baby and no one to change me for a while. This is detrimental to the psyche. Don't you have an option - to call a neighbor for example? I'm sure no one will deny you .. I had a neighbor with whom I was not very close, but she rang my doorbell directly and when I opened it, she signaled me to go drink coffee in the kitchen and take my baby from hands. I don't know why, this woman felt sorry for me. And my baby was very at ease with her. Don't worry about entrusting it to someone for a while. Better that than having a mother on sedatives.
I think that today's young people are lazy, you have not been taught to work and roar at all. "I shop alone, I cook, I clean, I play with the child, I make the dog, I pay the bills ... it comes up my hill." And now imagine your great-grandmother, while looking after her baby, milking the cow herself, digging potatoes, carts a hen plucking it to cook, between kneading and baking bread, then cleaning without a vacuum cleaner and detergents, and washing the clothes of the whole family by hand to her husband because they are all in the fields all day or grazing animals. Your husband works day and night, not around the clock, he has breaks in which you can safely leave his child and go to the dentist or he can take the child and the dog to sleep. And whether your husband does it depends only on you. I'm a 40-year-old woman, I've raised two children alone, and it was easiest for me when they were babies,
Hello. I am also a mother - with a 6-month-old baby. It wasn't like a fog for me because I had heard or read that "motherhood is a lonely job." My husband leaves home at 8 o'clock. and returns at 4:30 p.m. - 17h. There are three of us on Saturday and Sunday. During the day, while I got up, I had breakfast, made baby puree, put on a vacuum cleaner and a wet rag, and it was time to cook dinner - I drank at 3 p.m. and until 5 p.m. my husband has matured and when he comes he has food. I like motherhood. I haven't had girlfriends before, but I generally only keep my family around me and I don't trust people, I haven't met anyone who doesn't have any second thoughts. I would advise you to try to invest your energy in your home - I love to tidy up, wipe, have new sheets, everything is in tune, and during the day around 11 o'clock. I dress the baby and boil him and do photo shoots, then I arrange the photos and send them to the relatives and we comment. If the weather is good, we go out, and I don't need anything - it's best for me to push my stroller and rest my mind. When my husband is done, he goes shopping, I send him a list on Viber, he carries the bags, I arrange the purchases, then we sit in front of the TV and play with a baby and he hugs him, or I, take turns discussing how the day went. both. In the evening we bathe the baby, he goes to bed while I feed him and then we hug. This is with us for now. When we replace the meals well, we will give it to one grandmother, because she is a doctor and she has looked after and delivered babies all her life, so we trust her. To be able to go to the movies, to dinner, to catch our breath. Rejoice in motherhood, because you have already halved it, then when it is over,
Your husband needs to help you more ...
Nobody helps me either. At home I clean and wash and cook. Is the baby meek or not giving you time?
Hire a babysitter ...
Number 5 in what century do you live? As a structure, women's bodies have been stiffer, but with each generation we women are whitening, like physics. And now he lives in another time, stress and all sorts of negatives. Also, my dear madam, now mothers, we take more care of our children and tremble over them, and the children themselves, madam, are also very different and require much more attention. That's what grandmothers, kindergarten teachers and doctors say. So there is no basis for comparison! I will tell the author that she needs to have a serious conversation with her husband, because he can't read minds and hardly knows how she feels, and even if he guesses, let him be told directly. Share how you feel and what you need. He fights for himself and his child because he needs a calm and cheerful mother. My husband pushes the cart, by sleeping after the night and helping with whatever he can. I defend myself with my teeth and nails that I can get tired too and that it's not as easy as it seems. 1
Number 6, a bow to women like you. That's right, in my opinion, the author is a slight depression. Author, you probably miss the work environment. You will start working soon, but then it will be even harder for you. Enjoy the moment, enjoy motherhood. I highly recommend you take supplements. Vitamins, zinc, magnesium. Your body is exhausted after birth and this affects your psyche and physical condition. Eat healthy. Take the dog and baby and go for a walk in the park .. Calm down, everything will be fine.
You live with the attitude that you have the right to leave the baby to someone, even for a while. For what!? I am a mother of two children, I have no grandmothers in the city, all my girlfriends are in my care with 1-2-3 children, some of them are already working, and if I want, I have no one to leave my children to, no one is and obliged. That it's hard, it's hard that I roared softly in despair - I roared. To look after a baby in a harsh winter (last winter), a sick child who can hardly stay in the garden, you get sick yourself and can barely stand on your feet, what is left to take care of them at the end of the week to have your husband knock you out: "I'm sorry, but you don't catch anything at home" is, to put it mildly, devastating. But, you grit your teeth and wait for it to pass. Easily nowhere, read the comment on number 5 again and realize how relieved we are compared to women in the past and still not happy! Otherwise, to solve your problem - talk to your husband, explain to him how you feel and what you need and also tell him that psychologists advise babies (at your age, not younger) to spend 2 hours weekly without his mother. However, this child is not a stranger, it is his, I say to the washcloth, on weekends he lies from hip to hip, I have to almost pray to him to look at them a little enough to smooth or go to bathe .
As you describe your story, you are 25 and up. Before you got married, did you not imagine what the life of a young mother would be like? I'm surprised you're so unprepared. Listen to n. 5 what she writes about herself - she raised two children and it was easiest when they were babies, and you plowed the whole city from one baby. Or when you get angry you think about divorce. When you get divorced, it will be easier for us.
5, I'm from your generation, 46, I raised two children, I did the same things plus caring for the yard, rabbits, pigs and chickens. But I had the support of my husband, the father is not only an inseminator, he also has responsibilities to the children and his wife, that he works and provides finances is commendable, but it is not enough, it is not enough at all ... The girl needs empathy , do not grumble about any extras. How unfortunate that a woman, and a mother, has such a mindset! When I read your comment, I thought it was written by some old vicious misogynist! Dear girl, your disappointment is justified, talk to your father, he must also step out of his comfort zone.
It says "I am shopping"!
Once your husband is engaged, hire a babysitter and cleaner. Make it part of the landscape, just as you do everything yourself. On the weekends, leave the child to his father - he is obliged, and he deserves it.
Let us now raise the anti-social individuals on a pedestal as number 6 ... And number 5 to go to do mohabbet with his great-grandmother. Number 7 is short, clear and quite right! Author, tell us what you said to us and your husband. One night when you go to bed before going to sleep, explain to him calmly how you feel, etc. It is right to cancel you when he is not at work - after all, he is also the father of this child, and not just some source of money ...
What can I tell you, I am a man and I am in a similar situation, we both go to work, but I take the child from the garden, change his clothes, bathe him, serve him, give him medicine if necessary, play with the child, put him to sleep, when he is sick, almost only I watch him. The mother is still nervous, dissatisfied and sick. I tried conversations, no effect, and I do not want to leave. Of course, most situations are when the man is lazy. You have to lose it in the hope that he will realize or reconcile, tighten up and use the available resources - girlfriends and nanny, especially that it is better with money than without. There are fathers who are lazy and don't even care, and their wives or parents support them. The truth is that we are pampered by modern life, we want rest, spa, massages, pampering, and in the past the man has supported a large family,
Off, let's stop talking nonsense at one time - once upon a time, secretaries and accountants, everyone built a house with ease - now an apartment is 200k, how do you pay? In addition, women have not worked, and now go to work, stress, pushing, studying, traveling for two hours, sports to support yourself after a sedentary lifestyle, etc. I guess these things didn't exist once? It was different to have a house to maintain only. To the author - you are not drooling at all, it is very clear that you should not do all this. Isn't that why you are a family and two parents - you can't just work and no commitments, it's not one time - the man only works, the woman only cleans. Sit down and talk to him, to know how you feel, he may not realize. Don't expect your husband to read your mind. My colleagues realize how lonely their wives feel and look to help them and cancel them when they can. This is a normal attitude - the other is selfishness, to put on the back of the partner you supposedly love.
The project mothers think that living together is a kind of journey to heaven, where everyone bows to you, carries you in their arms and you walk on roses, because you are a woman and you have given birth to a child. Nothing like you convince yourself. voluntarily chosen), responsibility and self-sacrifice. As you can't help but dance. Motherhood is not for every woman, innate instincts are often not the best advisor. Besides, we have to imitate others, not to think of us. something for defective ..... Marriage is a yoke, a yoke, it lasts a lifetime. If you bend now, I don't think about further. Imagine that you lived in a village a century ago? of egreka.
Why should a woman know what it's like to be a mother, when she hasn't become one yet, things look different from the outside. Hire someone for an hour, the man to pay if he does not want. She doesn't pay any attention to him at all. When he comes home, he wants to be clean - but where does he get involved in housework? The woman should not be a babysitter, maid, cook ... And he only has a task to rest after work ....
It's like you're describing me. Especially with a gynecologist. Every outing without the child was a terrible enema. I gained a lot of weight during that time. There was nothing else left for me. I was trying to keep in touch with the outside world through Facebook. Everyone told me to go to the doctor with the child, I did not go, I found it very stressful. And I had to listen to them. I made crazy scandals of my husband, he didn't understand me. He couldn't understand that I didn't have time to eat until the evening, that I wouldn't have time to take a bath. I was terribly alone and everything revolved around the child. I can say that it gets easier over time, but it's pretty slow. As he goes to the manger, the snot begins. Day walks, three does not walk. Please, for your own survival, take your child with you. Think about what you have or want to do and take your child there. And yes, it will roar there, that's what babies do. Who does not listen, to leave. I had a group for mothers with babies once a week, it helped me a lot. See if you can't organize or if there is a play center. It is different to be among mothers with the same mood and problems. And for your husband to take on parental responsibilities. He will take a day off and look after the child. And you will go to a beautician. Yes, it's funny now, but a massage, a coffee, a change of wallpaper gives strength for the month ahead!
For me, the situation is similar. With a 7 month old baby, a man who doesn't understand me and girlfriends who are also small babies and angry about life, maybe for the same reasons. I also keep thinking about things. There is no one to help me because I am abroad, my relatives are in Bulgaria and my husband's are listening. My only consolation is to go out with a friend who also has a baby, but as I wrote above, I have the feeling that from motherhood women get angry and a race for a better mother begins. We still have to deal with it somehow. We simply have no other choice. Mothers are for life, while the marriage breaks down (it is not recommended to get there). My hope is that when the baby goes to the nursery I will have at least 4, 5 hours just for myself.
I "took revenge" on my husband by staying at home for three years and after the first one he had to support us alone. I needed to rest. Then I got an ox, however, because I was obviously used to taking over the household and what to do next. came TIRED do you see. From. So don't get used to them. Motherhood is not servitude. We are paid to raise a child, for the other - equally!