Nobody Loves Me

The Story

Hello! I am 16 and live in a small town. I don't know exactly how to formulate my topic, but I will try to be as clear as possible. So, I've never had a boyfriend in my 16 years. I support myself a lot and I'm beautiful, a lot of guys like me, they look at me, but they don't offer me. And how can I have a boyfriend after no one has proposed to me? Everyone around me has boyfriends, they ask me why I don't have them and I don't know what to answer. I myself do not know why I never had. I'm in something like depression. The truth is, I'm angry at what it's called. I am told that one day I will have a boyfriend, but when - for so many years no one has offered me and I as a desperate will wait for the "right boy"? Don't I deserve love? I want to know that at least one person in this world loves me. My late father was the only one, who loved and supported me, my mother hated me and harassed me mentally and physically every day, I only have fake friends and I don't have a boyfriend. Yesterday I said to myself - since no one loves me, then why should I love someone? I never asked for help from anyone, because there is no one and I learned to deal with everything alone in life. In my old school (up to seventh grade) I was ridiculed every hour. When I moved to another grade, I said to myself that no one would hurt me anymore, and I would do my best to keep my dignity. Now I have built quite a high self-esteem and people respect me, but again they don't like me because I look bloated. But I don't care, I like myself, I rely only on myself for everything and I will do my best to be well. I don't want more suffering. As for the boys, I'm on this wave - I would only have sex with someone, but I don't want feelings. Even if it turns out that someone loves me, I told myself that I would not love anyone and I would not love him. I said to myself - for so many years no one wanted me, I lasted so long without any love - neither from friends nor family, not to mention boys. So I don't need love, I can do without it. I am independent, I will not fall at anyone's feet, I am the most important and I will take care of myself, and without that hardly any boy will truly love me - what should I stumble on? I'm told I have to have a boyfriend now - but what can I do when no one offers? I will not have a boyfriend, whether I want to or not. People like me only because of my appearance, and I need support, but obviously I won't get it. Fuck everyone, I don't need love and drooling. Since they don't love me, I won't love them either. I will love only myself. You'll say I'm narcissistic, but I don't care. Why give to people when they won't appreciate it?

When I think about it, I want someone to love me and take care of me, I need love, and at the same time I don't want a boyfriend because I'm angry that I didn't have that much time and everyone made me laugh. How come all the other girls had at least one boyfriend and I didn't? I don't care if anyone will like me, I think I'm a great person and I will walk proudly and no matter what happens. I will no longer allow anyone to hurt or ridicule me. after they won't appreciate it? When I think about it, I want someone to love me and take care of me, I need love, and at the same time I don't want a boyfriend because I'm angry that I didn't have that much time and everyone made me laugh. How come all the other girls had at least one boyfriend and I didn't? I don't care if anyone will like me, I think I'm a great person and I will walk proudly and no matter what happens. I will no longer allow anyone to hurt or ridicule me. since they won't appreciate it? When I think about it, I want someone to love me and take care of me, I need love, and at the same time, I don't want a boyfriend because I'm angry that I didn't have that much time and everyone made me laugh. How come all the other girls had at least one boyfriend and I didn't? I don't care if anyone will like me, I think I'm a great person and I will walk proudly and no matter what happens. I will no longer allow anyone to hurt or ridicule me. that I am a great person and I will walk proudly and no matter what happens. I will no longer allow anyone to hurt or ridicule me. that I am a great person and I will walk proudly and no matter what happens. I will no longer allow anyone to hurt or ridicule me.

Last Updated
August 14, 2020
Author:
martinaagh

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