No Sender, No Recipient

A simple spring, boring day: You get up lazily one morning (or noon as you like to sleep) and on the way to the store you look boredly at the mailbox at the entrance. In principle, it is always full of garbage - leaflets, newspapers, bills. But today there is a letter in it without a sender, without a recipient, just a white envelope with an even whiter sheet in it. Curiosity prevails in you. You sit in the sun, light a cigarette in slow motion, reach for the envelope. You think a second before you open it. It's not even sealed. No, there is no anthrax in it, these are my thoughts. Almost so poisonous ... You read through the lines: "... It was at the very beginning. I saw you at the entrance, among the hundreds of people and my heart jumped. I hid. Since then I have been hiding in my shadow. The sun is bothering me. I hate the day, I rule at night The computer is my best friend ... You read, you read, and your expression changes. "Do you remember our endless metaphors, do you remember how we cooked spaghetti and I kept making you laugh. Do you remember ..." A smile flashed on your face. You remembered. You understand who does not have the courage to stand up to you and tell you in your face what he thinks. The one who hides behind a thoughtful smile and behind colorful eyes. Your hands are shaking ... "Somewhere between people and spaghetti, you and I are as before. At the cinema, sitting together, but not quite. In the garden, in the middle of the snow, dancing ... Embraced, but not quite. In my car, traveling but not in one direction. "You leave the white sheet. No sense in telling you now - I don't wanna ruin the suprise. You look nervously in front of you. Oh, how I know that look. If I were with you, you would joke and change the subject, but now you think. Thoughts are raging in your head. While you are carried away by the light spring wind, the leaf blows, my letter. It flies like a dove and stops right where it belongs - in a small puddle, small but large. The text is no longer readable. You look at the leaves from above and ... you pass. What did you not read What again remained unsaid. And didn't fate do its job once again? ... "Do you remember the day I came to your city? It was August 19. I don't know about you, but I remember everything from that day. I was shaking, my legs were sweating. I was looking at the bus and I didn't see anything, I was looking at 36 seconds the clock and it seemed to me that I was traveling for hours. And only 30 minutes had passed. At last, when I arrived, I will never forget how the taxi arrived in front of the bus. , I grabbed my luggage. From then on I flew, I didn't walk. Your smile, your chivalry, the way it pleased me ... Our conversation when he sent me away. Why do I remind you of all this? To tell you a simple thing - I wanted you then, I want you now, I will always want you. Want. I want to keep that day and the few others spent with you in my heart. I understood what it means not to care about yourself, but to care about the smile of the person against you. I understood what people mean by platonic love. Our clumsy hug in front of the oncoming train filled me with awe. I did not look at you as a man, I looked at you above all as my closest person that day. For me, we were alone in the whole universe, the sun shone on your beautiful blond hair, and that was enough for me to live. Only that, I didn't even need air. I didn't breathe, I didn't move much. I just stood and watched you. As I stand now, I look at you. You are wonderful. I love you. Look, where you don't expect me to be and I'm there. "Here it fell into the water. In the mud. Those words were lost, maybe forever ... You're already on the sixth floor. I'm still sitting on the corner of the block. I saw everything. I saw for the first time even where you live. I saw your expression I saw ... now I'm ready to go Now you know everything There is nothing unsaid, nothing hidden-covered What I told you with my eyes was on that sheet And there you stayed ...