Hello, everyone! I'm the 99th set, girl, a week ago I turned 20. I've always been super shy, shy and I'd even say a little crazy. At school I was one of the so-called "losers" and I had no friends. Until the summer between 11th and 12th grade, I didn't decide to make a drastic change in my appearance, and everything has started ever since. I dyed my hair bright red and started wearing pretty heavy makeup (I've always listened and still listen to metal / rock, but I've never looked like a person listening to that kind of music), I made 2 tattoos out of my own pockets, which I collected for a long time. for 4 months (already 7), I pierced my lip and tongue (now I have a breast piercing), as well as the cartilage of the ears. I live only with my mother, my father died when I was 9, my grandparents live in the countryside and when I go to them, I always have long sleeves, I take off my earrings and put on a wig (I have one that I use sometimes and it looks quite natural, I work in a supermarket and it is not very appropriate to look provocative). In addition to my appearance, I changed my entire wardrobe - erotic lingerie, leather clothes, all sexy clothes. I also lost a lot of weight - from 170 height and 60 kg weight, now I'm 47. So far no one knows how disturbing, but here's the biggest secret - I lead a double life.
My mother, although the big change in my appearance, has always considered me her shy girl, but she does not know what kind of life I lead. When I leave us, I wear a black T-shirt and jeans, but then I go to my best friend and change into high heels (not something striking, but high enough), garters and sexy clothes. (I carry everything in my bag because it's big, and my best friend lives two blocks from us). My mother is strict and sometimes, even jokingly, we joke about sex, but we use expressions like "cracking", etc., because we are both uncomfortable. She did it at 22, as far as she told me, and said that if she found out that I was dealing with someone and doing something, she would throw me out of us because she didn't want garbage in the house. And by no means does she allow me to have intimacy before the age of 22-23, but she doesn't know that I am no longer a virgin. At 18 I did it and since then I have done it a hell of a lot, with 4 boys it was only, but it was enough times. The guys in question were not my boyfriends, I've never had a boyfriend and I don't want more. I don't know how to share it ... she'll just throw me out of us, and last week for my birthday I did a threesome, if she finds out, at most to bury me somewhere. What to do? Do you think the whole thing I do is down? How would you react if your 20-year-old daughter shared such a thing with you?
1 roselyn11 answered
I understand why you're doing all this, but I'm not justifying you. You're just hurt by your father's death, by the mockery at school, by your overly conservative mother, and that's how you find emotional comfort, but I want to tell you that you went the wrong way. But even if I tell you, without realizing it yourself, it's okay. I don't know, however, when you realize it, it won't be too late.