My Mother Suppresses Me

Hi, I'm not writing for advice, I just want to share something I can't share with anyone. My mother constantly oppresses me. It breaks me down mentally, I feel unnecessary and a terribly crazy person. You might say it's funny or that I pay too much attention to things, but I'm an emotional person and I can't stand it. I've been like this since I was little, I still don't stand up for how others did, I wasn't like them, the children learned, they will become people because I graduated with 5, I wasn't an excellent student, I wouldn't go anywhere, my life will be a failure . She kept coming to school so that I wouldn't understand something, let her know, too, at the parent-teacher meetings she always blushed, they didn't say good things about me, and I was such a good student, when I had an argument with a classmate, he would come to me. she scolded me because I didn't know what to tell him, she exposed me, then it got worse, because no one wanted to talk to me, they made fun of me. I'm 26 now and it's the same, my peers made a lot of money, and I didn't do anything, I just spent the money on the university, I dreamed of becoming one person, and it's completely different, she was very disappointed in me. She had plans for what to do and what to do, but I wasted my life, she couldn't do these things, but she had a dream for me to achieve them. And why? How does someone figure out what you are going to do and you have to follow in his footsteps. This is not my life, it does not attract me. I don't want to make her dreams come true. I have already given birth to a child and my life is completely different, but here comes the moment when there is something to depress me. I wouldn't have found a good job, I would have been a simple cleaner, I didn't have any money, my fingers were sparse, I wouldn't have bought whatever I wanted, and this is my job, the money is mine, I decide what to do with it. I was not organized like the others, what kind of cars they would buy, and I would watch. When I took a book, 12th grade, all my classmates received cars for the prom, then I asked her if I would have a gift, and she said we would see. It didn't take me, and later after 2, 3 years I got married and we bought a car with my husband, from there it started that if I sat down to drive I would crash, I couldn't cope, I wasn't good for it and because of that's why he didn't buy me a car. Sometimes I sit down to drive only to the store, if he sees me it's horrible, get down what you're doing you can't drive, you'll get stuck somewhere, you'll hit someone. I can't take it anymore, it's oppression, I feel terrible mentally, the worst thing is that he talks in front of friends and acquaintances and even laughs, and then they make fun of me, can you do that with your child. And for God's sake, then how do all my friends and acquaintances drive when it's so hard? I don't know what to do, once I haven't heard a good word about myself, everyone else is better.