I am ashamed of myself and my family! I do not know what to do. I just want to pour everything in the hope of feeling better. My father is an alcoholic. My earliest memories with him are of coming home drunk every night and beating my mother. He threw pots of pots across the terrace, broke the windows of the studio with tables, chairs, and beat his mother. She wore dark glasses all the time to keep out the bruises. I remember trembling when I heard the door unlock, and sometimes I pretended to be asleep and roared secretly under the covers as he knocked on it. I was afraid that if he saw that I was not sleeping, he would hit me too. I remember him lifting me high and throwing me into bed to stop crying and screaming. I remember one night my mother took me to a stranger and they slept on the bed, and I went to the bedroom in two chairs - gathered next to each other. When I was 7, ours divorced. Since we had nowhere else to live, we moved in with my grandmother. And she is a poor woman. Days before the first day of school, my mother went abroad. It was very hard for me without her and I cried a lot. Everything was fine with my grandmother and I was growing up. My mother was gone, my father was not looking for me. My grandmother and uncle and I lived together, and my mother sent money and gifts for me. Then I was somewhere around 13. I started to notice that various things were disappearing from home - clothes, food, toys, but one day they had left me for Saturday and Sunday alone with my uncle. He lingered in the toilet, and when he came out of it I found drops of blood on the toilet bowl, spoon, needle, limontozu and burnt matches. I asked him what it was, and he said he wanted to inflate a ball. I got scared and ran outside and didn't come home until evening. I understood why things were disappearing and that he was a drug addict. During this time, the mother had bought an apartment, but no one lived in it. After this incident, she came and gave me a key, saying that I was already big and if I wanted to be safe I would have to live alone. So I lived alone in the apartment. He sent me money every month and I distributed it for the month. At 13, I was already working as a waitress. I was very curvy. I didn't have many friends and all my children made fun of me for my crooked teeth. So I stopped going to school so they wouldn't make fun of me. I stayed for exams and was expelled for absences. I went to school to enroll to study and they saw me and said that I was very young and could not do without a parent. One principal agreed to enroll me, as the application was on behalf of my mother, and she was abroad. Then somewhere I realized that a mother abroad is a prostitute. I can't accept it yet. So I continued to study and work. My mother wanted me to go to her in Germany and I to become like her, but I didn't want to. After 8th grade I went to distance learning. At 15 I had a friend from another city - he was 18. Three months later I lived with him. I wanted to get rid of both my parents. I told him my story and he couldn't accept what my mother was doing and kept telling me that I would become like her. He and his mother did not get along, because one night she packed my luggage and threw it on the stairs, just like me, and told me that if I didn't want to become a prostitute, I should go to the tramp. I called him at three in the morning and went to them and told him everything. He hated her, I didn't - because she's my mother (despite everything). They had only alcoholics, and later he became one. I also looked after his brother's baby for 2 years. , I learned to cook, to clean, I washed by hand, I even learned to dig. We spent 1 year with him in a dormitory and returned to them again. We both worked, my mother also helped me. My man stopped working and started harassing me, I caught him cheating on me and after 3, 5 years we broke up. He took it very hard - it's been 3 years since then, and he still loves me and I know it. I remember how we both cried when we broke up and how he had slept for 2 days at the door, but just his mother would never approve of him, and he would never approve of him, and that weighs, believe me. I have been very divided during these years and it is very difficult to love them both and hate them. I broke up with him and caught up with a 45-year-old man who had a girlfriend. I became his mistress. In the third month, he broke up with his because of their problems and asked us to live together. He gave me a lot of peace. He showed me what respect and tenderness are. I can't twist my soul. To him I was like a princess, and to me like a man a dream. I felt like Cinderella. I learned from him what a compliment and a kind word meant. We have been together for three years. I live with them, he also has a child who accepts me well. I have a job, I am currently finishing 12th grade and I intend to apply further. It's just that time passes. I am currently 21, he is 48. I am used to him, I miss him when he is not with me, I am happy with him, but lately he has changed his attitude towards me. She is no longer the same and I found out that she has a mistress - an old friend. I dare not show him that I know. I'm afraid of what will happen to me. At least now I have a good job and good bosses who let me work for the exams. I really like my job - it's all for me. If I break up with him, I'm going to my city and I'll have to start all over again, and I don't know if I can handle it. I just don't know if I'll find someone to accept me for who I am. To be with me for who I am and not to repel me for my parents. I'm not to blame for that, they're just like that and I've accepted them. Thanks for reading my story. Would you be happy to advise me how to deal with the current one
1 vanebabes answered
Author, your life is not a shame, your parents are ashamed and it is a shame that our society has not taken care of you. Where did the social services sleep, why didn't they put you in a home? Why do teachers and neighbors close their eyes like that ... But anyway. You have a stable man next to you. You are on your feet. I advise you to hold fast to this stability. You have seen the vices in people, and this man is not perfect, but for God's sake, he is the best thing that has ever happened to you in your life. You are still very young, you don't have to stay with him for life, but with him and only with him you will be able to finish higher, to grow in life, and you can always leave him when you meet a more suitable one, right? It's not a problem that he's older than you. My husband and I also have such a big difference, and we have been together for a very long time, we have looked after our children and we are a very close-knit family. Infidelity will also stop if you show yourself as a mature woman. You can easily hint to him that you know about his infidelity, but without unnecessary drama. Let him know that you are not judging him, that you are trying to understand him and that you are his partner in life and the mother of his child, that you are grateful to him and love him. For nothing in the world do not show him your fear and that maybe you are with him for security and interest. Keep this man for at least the next few years. He doesn't seem to be a bad person, he's not an alcoholic, he doesn't torture you, he respects you ... He will cheat and calm down, but only if you show him that you are above these things, you don't change your attitude towards him. The rest will be fine. The years will pass, you will become a single woman and you will still be able to leave him, but you will have completely different cards. There is nothing more wonderful than having a stable man next to you, even with your weaknesses. Like you, I grew up with an alcoholic father, and that's the only thing I wouldn't put up with for a day. Everything else can be fixed, we can fight it in the couple, but not with that. If you are a smart woman, if you play your cards well, you will succeed in life. If not - may God help you. P.P. Don't throw away the man who did so much for you for such nonsense. Many women do not think and spoil their families, but you have seen what it is like to grow among alcoholics, prostitutes and drug addicts. Don't you have everything you dreamed of now? Be above things and keep up. With this you will win the man next to you and one day he will literally adore you. If you are a smart woman, if you play your cards well, you will succeed in life. If not - may God help you. P.P. Don't throw away the man who did so much for you for such nonsense. Many women do not think and spoil their families, but you have seen what it is like to grow among alcoholics, prostitutes and drug addicts. Don't you have everything you dreamed of now? Be above things and keep up. With this you will win the man next to you and one day he will literally adore you. If you are a smart woman, if you play your cards well, you will succeed in life. If not - may God help you. P.P. Don't throw away the man who did so much for you for such nonsense. Many women do not think and spoil their families, but you have seen what it is like to grow among alcoholics, prostitutes and drug addicts. Don't you have everything you dreamed of now? Be above things and keep up. With this you will win the man next to you and one day he will literally adore you. what did you dream about Be above things and keep up. With this you will win the man next to you and one day he will literally adore you. what did you dream about Be above things and keep up. With this you will win the man next to you and one day he will literally adore you.