My Friendship Slips Between My Fingers!

I WARN THAT THE STORY IS LONG AND I WILL UNDERSTAND IF YOU skip or READ IT. THANK YOU FOR PUBLISHING AND COMMENTING. Hello. I'm desperate. I do not know where to start. Maybe so ... I have been playing alone since kindergarten. I kept spinning alone. On the playground I met a girl, I did everything for her - I named my cat after her, I gave her everything if she wanted to ride my bike or look at my book ... We played on what she wanted and only on that. Then she lied to me that she couldn't see me anymore because she was going to school. When I saw her on the street, I called her, and she pretended not to hear. In third grade I met another girl, a year younger. She started behaving rudely, putting on make-up and pretending to be an adult a year or two ago. Gradually we moved away, she is already a concubine with the whole school. In the summer I met a girl who promised to write to me. Well, he wrote to me ... Only once and then he stopped answering me. She is a foreigner and almost no one knows her language. However, I know it and I promised to help her with the orientation in the new country, with the language, to share everything with her. This year we became best friends with a classmate, it is clear that I know her from first grade. Only a few days later, however, he stopped calling me on the phone. He cried once because of a bad grade. I asked her if she wanted me to buy her chocolate, to take a walk around the school yard - things she wanted us to do on a regular basis. She said she just wanted to sit in one place and be alone.

A minute later, however, some classmates came, asked her the same thing and she went for a walk with them. He called me once, but he was sitting a few feet away from me, acting like I wasn't there. This happened many times during the hour - he talked to those who he hates, he flattered them, and he didn't even look at me. I told her I was going to jump rope, and she didn't even hear. He didn't notice I was gone. And so it happened countless times with many children. There was a boy, we could have become even better friends with him, but he went to Italy. One girl invited the whole class to her birthday, and half of them didn't even know their names. She promised me that if I invited her to my own, she would invite me too. I invited her to my birthday, but I didn't get an invitation for hers. Not to mention how many of my secrets have been told, and I keep strangers like a grave. Another student allegedly accepted me as a friend, but then humiliated me and said that there was no place in their company. (There are two of them in total - she and the one who uses me, but didn't invite me on her day.)

They always raised me strictly and didn't let me go out with friends, which prevented me from getting closer to them. I built a kind of wall. However, I can't break it. I don't know if that's the reason or because I'm giving too much away. Because of the people listed above, I am afraid that I am developing an icy attitude and mistrust. I make the wall higher! Please help. I apologize for the long text.