My Father-maurocezar000

I just don't know where to start and who to share with anymore. I am writing this because it is anonymous and none of the people here see me or know me and will not bother to tell me only the truth and their point of view. I am a woman, 21 years old and as you can see from the title it is about daddy issues. My mother and father have been divorced all my life, since I was a year old, I grew up with my mother, grandmother and grandfather. They raised me, my father was never with me as a child. He remarried, my sister was born to him, to keep her alive and healthy (17 years old) and in general all attention was on her. I want to emphasize that I adore my sister and have never felt jealous and angry with her for it. My grandparents (peace be upon him) were 30 years apart, remember that such a big difference just isn't ok and they fought 24/7, I grew up in round-the-clock scandals. Criticism of my mother that she gave birth to a young woman and wasted her future. They gave me everything, but more or less you don't grow very well when you get up and go to bed with someone else's scandal. Anyway, that was my childhood in a nutshell. My father appeared in my life more or less when I was 10-11 years old, we started seeing each other from time to time, he gave me BGN 20 and I, the stupid child, had a lot of fun at the beginning when he gave it to me, because I didn't realize he was doing it for to get out of his head just. Over time, he started to improve, we went on vacation with his new family (we always got along great), he helped me financially, we saw each other often and in general from my period 13-18 years everything was great, wonderful relationship with my mother they also got along well then, despite their divorce. So far so good, In 2017 I graduated as a teacher and he divorced his second wife (because of his infidelities and lies) and here I will start with the movies. My father is a cunning liar, he can literally make you believe in broad daylight that it's night outside. He likes to be a bully, he likes women to watch him, to be the center of attention, the soul of the company and to talk only about him. As his eldest daughter, I never believed those around me (mom, grandma, grandpa) that he was lying to me about everything. For the cars he drives, for the "work" that works. Over time, my mind began to grow a little and I caught it and felt when he lied to me. Examples abound. "I'm not in Bulgaria at the moment", and he's in Bulgaria, he just thinks I'll ask him for money and that's why it's more convenient for him to lie to me, yes, but my sister tells me everything. My friend and I wanted to settle in the west, my father told me, that his new wife (717th in a row) has an apartment in the respective country and we can stay temporarily without paying rent until we settle down. Ok, sounds super easy and cool. I quit my job, sold my car, my friend also quit his job and we had to travel 10 days later. Yes but no. He fucked us, first said one date, then another, finally a third, then started with the excuses that we had to wait another month. Yes, but both of us without a job, how will we pay our rent for another month, when everything is set aside for us to leave? He told me to get better. I was angry, we gave up this country. Then he told me that he had his apartment in a Balkan country and we could go there (a complete lie), only to wait another month for him to EXPORT SOME "THINGS". I ask what things, I do not answer. Accordingly, you remember that I did not agree to go and live in that place. I was terribly disappointed. I want to emphasize that HE offered me all these things, promised them, guaranteed them and then .... I am angry that he promises me some things, he offers himself and nothing ends in the end, I make an account, I hope something and finally NOTHING. And the only thing I ever wanted from him was attention and honesty ... I'm telling you people, I didn't want anything else. Well, that day we saw each other after all that and he made me guilty, blamed me for exposing myself to people like I gave up at the last minute. I will not stretch unnecessary delicacies, but I think this is the better option. Everyone in my family and friends tells me not to deal with him, not to look for him, not to trust him for anything. But I can't ... I'm just sick! I want us to be a normal father-daughter relationship, not to lie to me about the smallest nonsense. For years, I had hoped for a phone call to show me that he cared about me, I hid in the bathroom to roar, then I screamed in my pillow when the table was just discussing what kind of garbage my father was. To be teased that my mother broke her life because she married my father and I showed up. Talk to me 24/7 my father WHAT A LARGE GARBAGE IT IS. And my mother, grandparents, they just HAD no way to understand me, they were not in my shoes, in my head. And when I cried, they called me ligla and too sentimental. I believe that every child needs his father, his figure in life. I didn't have it and that's why I really suffered. Then he showed up for a while and ... I was just terribly happy that we saw each other often and spent time together. And in the last 2-3 years he's been lying more than ever, people, he lies to me about the smallest and dumbest things. Without asking him for anything, without forcing him to do a quota anyway, he chooses to lie to me just to get out of his head. I had decided - the end. I was very sick, but I stopped looking for him, he lasted a month and he called me angry that I wasn't looking for him and I didn't care if he was alive or dead. Now I don't know what kind of relationship we are in. The last time we saw him, I told him either you stop lying or you forget about me. He just disappointed me. I have always defended him and to this day I do not stop defending him in front of everyone, the whole world will turn against him, I will defend him because he is my father and I love him and I need him in my life. And lately I've been wondering, does he need me? Does he care about me at all or does he do it out of obligation and to get rid of his head? I tried to talk to him, I tried many times, he told me I didn't understand and my mother filled my head with nonsense. The pancake always has two sides. My mother tells me according to her experience, my father according to his. One constantly swears and insults the other, I can't split between my mother and father, and they put me in just such a situation. And you, as people who don't care at all, will hurt / insult me, what do you think? I want absolutely honest and firm opinions. However, this site is therefore anonymous. what do you think? I want absolutely honest and firm opinions. However, this site is therefore anonymous. what do you think? I want absolutely honest and firm opinions. However, this site is therefore anonymous.