I did not understand exactly what the problem was.
You say yourself that it is difficult to communicate with your daughter-in-law and you do not feel comfortable in her presence - well, obviously she feels exactly the same way in your company and this explains the distance between you. Or do you think it's just her duty to win you over, talk to you and relax and entertain you? People either fit or not - in your case you didn't fit, but I don't see a problem with that. The important thing is that they get along well with your brother - he should live with her, not you. It is normal for both of them to love each other and be interesting, to be self-sufficient - you should not feel offended by the fact, but to be happy for your brother. If he came to your house during the day, it would mean that things were not going well with him and he was not coming home - you don't want that for him, do you?
As far as I understand there are no conflicts and you and she behave normally and politely with each other. Not everyone likes to tell everything - people are different, some are more closed, especially if they are not sure that the person opposite accepts them unreservedly. If your daughter-in-law is careful and does not relax, then she feels insecure. But anyway, as long as you all follow the good tone, the situation seems normal. As far as I understand, you have seen each other quite rarely for years, which means that you probably just don't have any common topics or activities.
Accept that people are just the way they are - you can't change them and you can't win them by force. Nobody runs away from the good - a brother eventually goes where he feels good.
Instead of staring at your brother's family, think that at the age of 29 it may be time to become independent, separate from your mother and take your life into your own hands - it's time for your own family
You're negative, I don't know about her. You say that you seem to be hiding negative things around you, and then that you don't know positive things like rye. the so-called
You used to go out more often with your brother, but now the bastard is looking after his family ...
And how was he supposed to address your mother, something like "Your Highness"? !!
She sensed up close what I feel from a distance just as I read you: you are negative, intriguing, manipulative, expecting special behavior with a hint of adoration for you and your mother, or at least slight bows from time to time.
They are a family, you are the brother of HER husband! Know your place and look after your life!
You seem to be from a small town. Let the people live as they want.
You're right, stay away from you, how can a woman get closer to her two mothers-in-law!
Boy, you think, and most likely act, like a mother-in-law. You want your daughter-in-law to treat you with "You", and how do you treat her, do you talk to "You"? She was your relative, if you accepted her as a relative and respected your brother's choice, you would protect your daughter-in-law, not rebuke her.
Separately, there is a folk saying "Where the woman is from there is the family", people did not say these words in the wind.
My opinion is that you sound like an old mother-in-law. It's none of your business to know your daughter-in-law's phone. What do you need it for? Will you call her to pretend to be her first friend? Why should she share her personal life with you? She is your brother's wife, not you and your mother's. Just because he's close to her doesn't mean you are.
What's so disrespectful about talking to your mother about you? Do you expect her to call her mother or talk to you? Only on these things can I judge that you are from a village, brought up in patriarchal values, relatives who think that they should interfere in everything, know everything and necessarily expect their daughter-in-law to join their family as if they were little children than with your brother to form their own.
Stop staring and discussing other people's relationships and instead find yourself a wife and move out. What are you doing with mom yet? You are a 28-year-old young man, and you are a country aunt. You must be just repeating your mother's words. I would also avoid contact with you. Tighten up and disappear from this vicious circle.
The answers seem to be from different daughters-in-law. I have never said that I live with my mother and it is not your job to advise me to get married. It seemed to me that such a lack of relationship was strange. You immediately appreciated and condemned me, and defended my daughter-in-law. I see that there was no need to release this topic.
From what and for what to protect it? Everything seems perfectly normal. Did you tell her your phone and her birthday? How do you imagine it without asking her, she hop, like your brother's wife, starts exchanging phones and zodiac signs with you. Aren't you a little in love with her?
Yes, you are right. It is not right for us to advise you what to do, but it is right for you to tell others what to do, because it seems right to you ...
Man, you sound like some annoying and boring aunt with serious inferiority complexes. And you must have claims to be a big man ...
People have written you very meaningful comments.
Start your life at last.
Did you hope the answers were from old mothers-in-law? It is not normal to think that someone owes you something. Your brother's wife doesn't mean she's your wife / girlfriend. Don't blame her - if he wanted to see you more often, he would find a way. It is very easy to put the blame on someone than to wonder if he is mistaken.
I will tell you from the daughter-in-law's point of view, because I am in this situation at the moment, without wanting to offend you.
1. You, as her husband's family, after inviting her as a guest, are obliged to predispose her. Remember that you are a whole family and she is alone. Don't expect her to predispose you just because you're more closed-minded.
2. If she is with your brother, she definitely doesn't mind your place. This is your complex, which you transfer to it.
3. If you treat your mother like a friend, it's embarrassing. She senses the attitude of all of you and tries to get along with you. This is normal for people from a larger city. They are just more open and have a hard time understanding your behavior.
4. The fact that you keep your distance seems to her a way to lose her and show reluctance to her presence. It certainly feels very uncomfortable. Your negativity definitely affects her as well.
5. Certainly you would not want to betray any negative circumstances of your life, as it is obvious that you have crucified her. You are definitely looking for a reason to "save the good brother" from the "evil daughter-in-law". But don't you think about your brother's happiness? They obviously reach a good understanding with him, stop interfering with them.
In conclusion, I did not see in what you wrote to think about your mistakes. Did you only blame her without trying to put yourself in her shoes? Do not interfere with the young, they are happy and content. If you can help them, if not - do not disturb them!
Abe, boy! "Hiding" something negative, it means that YOU are looking for something negative, intriguer. That's why I wrote the post a little more tactfully, but you don't feel it. What is your job in a foreign family! You have a brother, not property, his wife will contact you and your mother if she wants. You are her choice, but now after your comment in particular, the picture is completely clear.
Not only am I someone's daughter-in-law, but I am also the mother of two sons!
What you have submitted, you will receive, no more, no less.
Here it is - the OLD mother-in-law. In just one word, you showed that for you, mothers-in-law are always "old" and cannot be otherwise. I guess this word actually includes an odyssey of negative qualities and manifestations.
Why ask for comments from old mothers-in-law? I want comments from emotionally balanced, unbiased people, which I can't notice in this topic.
Well, in principle, the daughter-in-law is not the devil, she is intelligent and devoted, but still, when she makes a cake for the baby, she does not invite my mother. Then she apologizes for "forgetting." So how can he forget the baby has two grandmothers? !! It was obvious. My mother was very offended, she cried. For her, this is her first grandchild. Come now and tell her in her face that she is an "old mother-in-law" and my brother ran away from her to go to the "good".
Tomorrow you will be the mother-in-law of some super modern and emancipated daughter-in-law, who will be careful not to fall under the shackles of patriarchal family values, so hated by you, and will look to spend time with her mother and her friends.
The more times I go in to read, I see fewer and fewer stars in my comment. What is this, Star Wars? Various daughters-in-law came together here and beat me twice, once with comments and a second time with stars. :)
Author, I will support you - it is not normal for you to have such a relationship. I also have close relatives, we do not live together, but we hear from time to time, the celebration of holidays and birthdays is a tradition and it is a matter of upbringing. Unfortunately, there is nothing for you and your mother to do ... it is very sad to eliminate her as a grandmother! Here I think that your brother is also responsible for the situation, but let there be no quarrels and let them be alive, healthy and happy in their own way. Accept that things are like that at the moment and so much, look ahead!
You are a hopeless case. My mother, I don't know what. Just by reading what you write and I understand why your brother does not want to communicate with you.
1 lola_aureate answered