My Daughter Has Changed A Lot

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You realize that it's not the problem at school, or maybe it's not the problem with the girlfriends - it's even possible that your daughter is the "tartar". Yes - the problem is in your "child". First, you have to realize that this is a girl - a physically mature little lady, not a child. Start treating your daughter as an equal, not a baby or a child, and stop looking for excuses for her mistakes, and start letting the consequences pile up on her head instead of justifying her. If school was to blame and most of the children there were like your daughter, they wouldn't pay attention to you at all. Worms at parent meetings precisely because your child is causing problems and other students and parents are having problems with your child, not the other way around and if you don't understand that, how will you change something? It is even possible that if the high school is really elite, your child will be kindly asked to leave. And yet - I do not know what family you grew up in, but it is not normal for a 15-year-old to wander at night. Don't you have any evening time for your daughter, where she has to be at home, don't you have any stipulations and consequently consequences in case of non-observance? And where does she get money for cigarettes - from you, of course. For alcohol too - why do you give so much money to your daughter? You are currently making the biggest possible mistake - blaming her friends, the school and not seeing the problems in your own child. At the age of 15, you don't need adults to bleat all day, BUT don't you go home in the evening to have dinner together and talk to your daughter about her day? Don't you have Saturday and Sunday together? in which to pay more attention to culture - to go to museums together, to go to the theater or cultural events in the city or at least to sporting events and so on - do you at least go shopping with your daughter if you are not intellectuals and do you spend time with her ?. In my opinion, you just missed the end of the girl much longer than she entered high school, and now you are reaping the benefits of neglected upbringing and untimely attention. Today, you can't raise a 15-year-old because she's an almost complete person, and she acts with persuasion and clear structures, and if she continues like that, with the consequences of her actions. If you don't, others will. The school is already operating and with these 3 couples it is possible that the girl will repeat or be asked to even leave high school. You think about whether your child has the capacity for this school or the material, the competition is beyond his capabilities. Not everyone can go to high school and think about another school after 8th grade, where you study a profession, so that your daughter is not left with a bad diploma from the famous school and no bread in her hands, but as it turned out, even it is doubtful whether the high school will be pushed as well. So not only as a threat, but actually tell her that if she drives like that, you will move her to a vocational high school, and after 18 years she will start working. I don't think you were ready as a parent. You were too young and at the age of 35 you already have a grown-up lady when people are still dealing with babies and young children. If you have only one child, think of a second one, because this young lady has already grown up selfish and screams only for attention regardless of the consequences. In addition, you are now older and more experienced, and if you have failed with one child, you may be able to raise a decent citizen in the second, because by putting all your attention, money into this daughter, you have raised a slimy teenager who does not he can take responsibility and has never had to bear obvious consequences for his actions. I do not believe in a nutshell that your daughter will become a man. Think of a second child and a change in your behavior towards her, but please - without accusing others, without trying to cover up her lack of interest in school with private lessons and without threatening punishments that you do not intend to impose, but more it is convenient to always blame others without wanting to look at your own mistakes. perhaps in the second you will be able to bring up a decent citizen, because by putting all your attention, money into this daughter, you have brought up a slimy teenager who cannot take responsibility and has never had to have obvious consequences for his actions. . I do not believe in a nutshell that your daughter will become a man. Think of a second child and a change in your behavior towards her, but please - without accusing others, without trying to cover up her lack of interest in school with private lessons and without threats of punishments, which you do not intend to impose, but more it is convenient to always blame others without wanting to look at your own mistakes. perhaps in the latter you will be able to bring up a decent citizen, because by putting all your attention, money into this daughter, you have brought up a slimy teenager who cannot take responsibility and has never had to have obvious consequences for his actions. . I do not believe in a nutshell that your daughter will become a man. Think of a second child and a change in your behavior towards her, but please - without accusing others, without trying to cover up her lack of interest in school with private lessons and without threats of punishments, which you do not intend to impose, but more it is convenient to always blame others without wanting to look at your own mistakes. who cannot take responsibility and has never had to make obvious consequences for his actions. I do not believe in a nutshell that your daughter will become a man. Think of a second child and a change in your behavior towards her, but please - without accusing others, without trying to cover up her lack of interest in school with private lessons and without threats of punishments, which you do not intend to impose, but more it is convenient to always blame others without wanting to look at your own mistakes. who cannot take responsibility and has never had to make obvious consequences for his actions. I do not believe in a nutshell that your daughter will become a man. Think of a second child and a change in your behavior towards her, but please - without accusing others, without trying to cover up her lack of interest in school with private lessons and without threats of punishments, which you do not intend to impose, but more it is convenient to always blame others without wanting to look at your own mistakes.

Published on: November 05, 2020

At that age my son- -He had a mandatory evening class - homework (garbage disposal, maintenance of his own room) - a club, a classroom, private lessons, sports - the whole week was still busy after school against the evening, we calmly told him that there are rules in this home, if they don't like him, we won't stop him from finding a way to support himself ... in another home / apartment. Mandatory every night we spent at least 15-20 minutes for "common talk" with him and we watched for changes in behavior and in general something that would be an "alarm". We suffocated in time that he was a smoker - we didn't fight, teased and the like, I just told him that somehow I didn't expect him to "bleat with the herd", I thought he had enough character to stand up for himself. And until then it was smoking. Being a parent is a full-time job 24/7. No, there is no need to hang on your head, just to be a parent ... how come your husband calms down when your husband returns, and how do you change yourself to such an extent? !! It just means that YOU are not fulfilling your parental duties correctly. You do not have the necessary authority, there is no respect and esteem for you. You talk about her, but you don't mention anything special about yourself as a parent. I hope you are not one of those who experience themselves as "girlfriends" of their children. This is a serious problem for the parent, it often turns out to be the most common complex, which, however, harms the child. Their friends are out and at THEIR age, the parent is FIRST a parent and then a trustee. how, when your husband returns, does she calm down, and when you are alone, does she change to such an extent? !! It just means that YOU are not fulfilling your parental duties correctly. You do not have the necessary authority, there is no respect and esteem for you. You talk about her, but you don't mention anything special about yourself as a parent. I hope you are not one of those who experience themselves as "girlfriends" of their children. This is a serious problem for the parent, it often turns out to be the most common complex, which, however, harms the child. Their friends are out and at THEIR age, the parent is FIRST a parent and then a trustee. how, when your husband returns, does she calm down, and when you are alone, does she change to such an extent? !! It just means that YOU are not fulfilling your parental duties correctly. You do not have the necessary authority, there is no respect and esteem for you. You talk about her, but you don't mention anything special about yourself as a parent. I hope you are not one of those who experience themselves as "girlfriends" of their children. This is a serious problem for the parent, it often turns out to be the most common complex, which, however, harms the child. Their friends are out and at THEIR age, the parent is FIRST a parent and then a trustee. but you don't mention anything special about yourself as a parent. I hope you are not one of those who experience themselves as "girlfriends" of their children. This is a serious problem for the parent, it often turns out to be the most common complex, which, however, harms the child. Their friends are out and at THEIR age, the parent is FIRST a parent and then a trustee. but you don't mention anything special about yourself as a parent. I hope you are not one of those who experience themselves as "girlfriends" of their children. This is a serious problem for the parent, it often turns out to be the most common complex, which, however, harms the child. Their friends are out and at THEIR age, the parent is FIRST a parent and then a trustee.

Published on: November 05, 2020

It seems to me that number 1 is a bit extreme. Nowadays, teenagers behave in a similar way to be popular. Part of their image is to defy mom and dad and show how independent and rebellious they are, so that good parents can have similar problems with their child. I hardly need to give examples with the children from my teenage years - my best friend's parents took her away from the sobering-up, she was drunk to the point of fainting in a garden, fainted and the other children called an ambulance ... The boyfriends changed them like handkerchiefs , she had sex with various extremely inappropriate individuals, but ... she became a person of her, a person with a good profession, with a serious partner, who now thinks about family and children. A few teenage outbursts don't mean your daughter is going to fail, but you really need to work on it - in the evening, so you don't have to worry. Taking responsibilities at home - cleaning, cooking, getting used to work. As an adult - talk about grades and explain to her that more or less education determines her future and if she wants to become a cleaner for BGN 300 - to continue like this, you will not stop her, but you will not support her after she finishes. The surest way to get someone to behave like a child is to treat them as such. Maybe if you treat her like an adult - set her tasks, assign her responsibilities and let her suffer the consequences of her actions - maybe then she will start behaving like an adult. Good luck. that more or less education determines her future and if she wants to become a cleaner for BGN 300 - to continue like this, you will not stop her, but you will not support her after she graduates. The surest way to get someone to behave like a child is to treat them as such. Maybe if you treat her like an adult - set her tasks, assign her responsibilities and let her suffer the consequences of her actions - maybe then she will start behaving like an adult. Good luck. that more or less education determines her future and if she wants to become a cleaner for BGN 300 - to continue like this, you will not stop her, but you will not support her after she graduates. The surest way to get someone to behave like a child is to treat them as such. Maybe if you treat her like an adult - set her tasks, assign her responsibilities and let her suffer the consequences of her actions - maybe then she will start behaving like an adult. Good luck. you assign responsibilities to her and let her suffer the consequences of her actions - maybe then she will start behaving like an adult. Good luck. you give her responsibilities and let her suffer the consequences of her actions - maybe then she will start behaving like an adult. Good luck.

Published on: November 05, 2020

I don't think entirely like №1, I think your daughter is also a victim, she is a victim of you parents. You think that by giving her a chance for a good education, by providing her with clothes and food, she should become the perfect young lady, but you have deprived her of the most important thing, the emotional closeness to her parents, apart from the fact that she does not distinguish good from bad. , she doesn't think she's doing bad things, or if she knows she's doing them to punish you. Your daughter has not changed, you have been sculpting from an early age what you see in her now. Now that she is 15, it is too late to explain to her what a person loses when she smokes, drinks alcohol or has indiscriminate sex, even if you tell her this now in plain text, she will not understand you, because the soil is being prepared while your daughter you were small at the age of 5-6 years the child should start to explain such things to him in a childish way. The weeds in the garden around your flower / your daughter / have already blossomed and the repairs are done only with harsh measures with talking and stupid punishments, such as stopping money and not going out, things will get worse over time until she personally burns and burns. get pregnant or not convict her in court for something. You can see for yourself where you have taken it with your measures taken! What did you achieve with "we stopped pocket money and forbade going out", these are measures that are taken against bad actions of a child in 2-3 grade. Somehow, I do not know why, but I do not trust you that you will be able to fix yourself, so I advise you to go to a good psychologist to consult how to proceed. In principle, I know what to do, since I myself was such a daughter, I was not picked up by the police, but I ran away from home, smoked, tried to drink at her age, etc. Today I am a little older than you and I have a family and children the age of your daughter, I do not lick alcohol and I have no desire for nonsense. I have children that I can only be proud of and this is because from my own experience I understood where the problem is in my own upbringing as a child. And the problem was that I didn't have the opportunity to share with my parents, whatever I said, everything was looking for where I was wrong, they were joking and saying what they thought was the right thing to do. As a teenager, I had to either live as a nun according to their dogmas and understandings, or do something like your daughter. But my life here is irrelevant, it is important now how you cope. First you have to realize, as №1 says, that you have a young lady in you, not a child. You need to give more choice, like a big man to your daughter, but also make family laws, which you must follow. You have to set a time of at least 5 hours a week for a joint conversation, take her to a museum or theater, it's not a solution so she'll just think you want to waste her time and even hate the culture. №1 is very wrong with the definition that an intellectual is one who visits theaters and museums. I personally know the aunt in the kindergarten near us, she regularly goes to operas, museums and theaters, works as a cleaner and believe me she is not an intellectual, only she thinks so. What would I do if I were you today, I would first talk to her about a joint vacation together at a spa for a week somewhere in a remote town, take a vacation, talk to the school principal and go, only if she agreed. Her consent depends on how deep she is in the swamp, that is, if she does not agree, she has completely lost confidence in you and the only one who can help you is a good child psychotherapist. If she agrees, write to us and we will tell you where to go to the spa with your daughter, what to do there and how to talk to her.

Published on: November 05, 2020

From 1 - yes, I lost my temper a bit, but I'm just tired of parents who do not see themselves, but are constantly looking for problems in teachers, in other children, so as not to admit their mistakes and not have to change and introduce rules to enforce because it is difficult. It's much easier to be a good-natured "friend" parent who works all day, then at a coffee shop with colleagues, and then hangs out to complain to principals and even to Masters of the Air about how "unjustified" their child is, but they change something - off. Even if the police deal with their failure as a parent and still not turn on the red lights, but look for the fault in others - this is too much. The right ones are number 6 and number 8 so far. And it is not true that this was the situation in the elite high schools. At the time, I myself entered such a high school with great difficulty without private lessons, because we were poor, and inside it was full of children pampered by their parents, who entered in the second way, BUT when the teachers cracked us, a huge amount of material fell on our heads. above the obligatory and seeing most that it is not a joke work within 1 year to see how people stopped smoking, drinking and soaking in coffees, and in the break we checked pets together and helped each other, because it was not uncommon to collect and the homework for assessment, and the one who has no homework three times was a round couple. The school was directly subordinated to the Ministry of Education and the budget did not depend on the number of students - to see how everyone who could not fly flew and in the end only two people smoked out of 28, and in the beginning two of us did not smoke. There was only one separately, who snorted marijuana, and only on vacation, and had great problems with that, and the "fames" at school were not smokers, drinkers, but beautiful girls and boys, but with good grades. The one who made the problem was not a name, but a mockery for both students and teachers - a kind of rag. There were two in our class who slept with half the school, but they also tightened up in the 10th grade because they felt that no one respected them and they would be expelled from school. My stepdaughter, when she was 16, was expelled from an elite high school because she had responded to a teacher. There were pairs of three items and she had even been accused of selling marijuana. The second was not true, but no one believed her because she had thousands of problems. The mistake was in the mother and the father, because they were so busy with themselves, with their conflicts and with their careers, that they did not pay attention to the girl. What we did was just her father take her to live with us and she already had very strict rules. We enrolled her to study in a low-profile former college with the worst reputation in our city, where no one wrote absences, and there were all kinds of children inside, including from the minorities. We drove her and took her from school, so she was really there every day with these people and she felt what would happen to her without education - she also saw the parents of these children, because we took her with us to parent meetings to see her future and it is unnecessary to say that he had no pockets, but brought food from home. She didn't need money as you drive and pick her up from school every day. She repeats there a whole class with 1 year younger antisocial like her, because the three couples from the last school failed to fix. In her class, besides gypsies, there were veiled people from our new guests, there were also people who did not speak Bulgarian - in short, a very base school. She passed a grade of six, but she was not happy because she saw what was being "learned" and what awaited her after such an "education." In exactly 1 year, she tightened up, wrote a cover letter to the principal of her old school and apologized to the teachers she had been arguing with. We didn't deal with it and let her know that everything is for her and it depends on her. They returned her to the old school, she returned to live with her mother, but there are already rules, obligations and restrictions in their home. She will graduate this year and has decided to study abroad, so she is studying like crazy and only goes on disco vacations, but in the evening. In the summer he works at the sea selling tickets for various attractions, and saves his money to have pocket money for school, because the restrictions remain. She is still more relaxed, more crazy, but all within - she adheres to the basic social rules. Every night, the father or mother talks to her for at least 20 minutes about her day and her plans, and on weekends there is always something family doing. It is possible to turn things around in a nutshell, but parents need to change first. The girl also needs a father - the fact that you make a lot of money is not decisive. She needs parents, not a friend at home to justify her, and not money for nonsense. but parents need to change first. The girl also needs a father - the fact that you make a lot of money is not decisive. She needs parents, not a friend at home to justify her, and not money for nonsense. but parents need to change first. The girl also needs a father - the fact that you make a lot of money is not decisive. She needs parents, not a friend at home to justify her, and not money for nonsense.

Published on: November 05, 2020

As a protector of children (conditionally speaking because for me they are teenagers or teenagers) and helping the older generation to understand the new. I will express my opinion in the words of the author. I do not think to read the comments, I want to consider other topics. I am 27 years old (I mention it because you also mention your age). Elite school is not always the best, but you did it with good intentions, not bad. I agree that children in elite high schools are tighter than general high schools. This is due to the fact that in the elite high schools they are burdened with a lot of homework and the teachers demand more from them. But to think that children in elite high schools are alien to parties and free behavior, that they do not know these things is naive. Moreover, the stricter the children, the more they want to be free. Something more, they try to be more than others no matter what. They are used to competing, this behavior is imposed on them. And at first your daughter - raised as a houseplant, and shown at one point a new model of life, she showed curiosity, she fell in love, if she did not like it. The police have done their job - we are not talking about right or wrong. But the residents of the block are not obliged to tolerate this behavior. In this case, your daughter found herself in a similar company, attracted by them, she may have called. Children are encouraged by each other, they try to stand out - no matter how important. They would not do that on their own. But they are in a group. Here, however, you make a big mistake - you punish too severely. However, whether the child understands his guilt, whether he feels guilty or sees you as abusers with whom he is forced to live, he tries his best not to pass yours, because he doesn't know how to oppose you. Here, anyone who understands your child will be considered a friend. In this case, you missed your opportunity, only to realize that he was wrong, speaking humanly with him. Often a mistake made by parents. She is no longer 5 years old. punish her and you're done. She is already entering or has already entered adolescence where it is important for her and it is especially important to defend herself. Opposing everything - and you are too strict and she stands against you. One of my first books on teen behavior began with the words, "I'm on your side." That is, he meant, I support you and I do not condemn you for doing anything, but to talk about the consequences of your behavior. You got along - not because you pushed her, she is forced to give in and agree, verbal consent is not equal to the belief that you are right. She smoked under the influence of the company, but also with a desire to oppose you. She went after the boys - it's normal - you don't even know how strong the hormone is at this age - she is at an age where feelings and emotions are very strong. But it's still not scary. It's scary to come across someone who understands your uncle and a lot of scary things can happen to your child. I'm arguing, but who's listening to me - she's so used to shouting that she doesn't care anymore. What to do - Try it - is not exactly. Enter your daughter's room - say in a calm and even desperate voice what is on your mind, even what you say here can work. Say the same words to her. By no means are you shouting, you are just trying to understand her, to hear her point of view. Do not shout, do not raise your voice, do not judge, listen to her. Let her know your worries. Stop the punishments, it is better to leave her alone, let her behave as she wants, but do not stop showing concern, but you will not show approval, in any case. The goal is to change behavior. But disapproval must be expressed in disappointment, and only physically. From time to time, you will say well - you are great, but you do not think that this can lead to this and that, without a hint of condemnation only with concern and disappointment. However, children seek approval even if they do not show it. Therefore, if a change in a positive direction shows happiness, let happiness and approval be visible to you anyway. At a much later stage - because the changes will be very slow, you can set a goal for it, and that as a mention of an idea, and even before that just as a simple statement. Replace your desire to dominate and punish with your desire for equality, understanding, support and guardianship. At 35 It will be difficult for you to understand me, but you need a change in your thinking and behavior. Otherwise you will lose your daughter, who is only one of you, and you are more precious than your life. Unlike the good uncle who knows how to deal with her. She will achieve the same as you, guardianship over her. But unlike you, wishing the best for her, the intentions of the good uncle are not clearly defined. This is scary because he has the skills and ability to ruin your daughter, she to commit suicide, and he to focus on a new daughter. And for you it's just this one. If you do not give in, your daughter will understand you only when she becomes a mother,

Published on: November 06, 2020

My Daughter Has Changed A Lot

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