My Daughter And I Were Starving

The year is 1982. Our film was a huge success, but people who watch me in theaters do not suspect my secret. A secret that everyone in this country will soon know. I'm pregnant. *** It was a wonderful summer. We filmed every day as if at a game. We did not take life seriously - young people at sea and at government expense! The tables in the evening were plentiful - all things that could not be found in the shops in the country, reserved for foreign tourists, for state greats and for us - the poor young artists. We spent the night in the best hotels of our time, but that was not the important thing - the important thing was He. We were both assigned to the Ruse Theater then, but we were only on "Hello-hello". He's the biggest star, I'm unknown to anyone. Well, everyone already knows me (thanks to our beach scene with him in the movie). Oh, how hard it was for me to shoot this scene! I don't like myself at all. Since I hid my breasts from a young age, it was a shame to have big breasts then. And in the movie I asked them - no, I'll wear a shirt on top, it won't happen. And the thighs are terrible. But at that moment I managed to look casual. Because He was next to me. This man had a strange aura for me, it gave me the feeling that I was beautiful, that I had the most perfect body in this world, that I was wanted, that I was a woman! I fell in love. And he thinks he fell in love and he told me that a thousand times a day. It was easy to be together - away from the city, the theater, the family. In the evening we even rehearsed our dialogues in my bed, laughed, went down secretly and walked to deserted places, beaches where no one could find us. Our relationship was no longer a secret for the team. But that seemed normal, like a sequel to our game on set. Nobody was impressed by our stolen kisses between the doubles, our sudden disappearance, the touches, the looks in love. I even showed up for breakfast wearing something of his. I liked this game, to be casual, away from the order of the small town, from the condemning views of the moralists. Only we were here - the young famous and unknown artists from an orchestra without a name. *** He promised me that when we returned to Ruse he would separate from his wife and start a new life together. I always wanted it to be that way - to feel him by my side at night, to wear his shirt for breakfast, just to be together. The photos are over. The film was an unexpected success, as it was a success for the artists at the time. Everyone was getting a salary that was much lower than that of any unknown bus driver. We returned to Ruse. He left his wife and came to live with me. Scandal! I can't remember the words below addressed to me. His family, his friends, the society - "Drop this bitch!" " Be a man! ", Conversations with the headquarters of the communist family, threats from relatives of his wife in power ... And he acted" male "- he returned to his wife, his family. And my belly continued to grow, and soon it would be no secret to anyone in the city that she, a bitch, had caught and intercepted from the husband of another, who had dared to conceive from this man. He never called me again. Act "male". I shared my problem with my relative, who managed to make a new distribution for me - this time in Shumen. I didn't want to push the stroller past him and his wife into the park. At least I have a little dignity left. I was born alive and well! I named her after my father - Todora. The only man in my life who acted masculine towards me. His light finger. *** Democracy has come. First they cut the k *** vata. I had been targeted a long time ago. My daughter and I stayed at the charity of the municipality. I was trembling not only from the cold in the municipal panel house, but also from the constant fear that they might evict us tomorrow. The times were terrible, work nowhere - especially for a girl who dared to get pregnant and give birth to a married man, from the artist - a favorite of the people. We haven't paid for electricity and water for a long time. The winter is over. Every night I left Todora alone and went hunting. Hunting mainly for fallen onions between the stalls on the market. Sometimes I would find an apple, a tomato, or a discarded spoiled item that was still fit to eat. Sometimes some salesman forgot a crate of potatoes. However, we mostly ate the alms of my few remaining friends, fans of compassionate people who felt sorry for me. My daughter and I were starving. *** Life forced me to stop hiding. There was a vacancy for a director in Ruse, and I had studied about it anyway, and people had not forgotten me. Several successful performances followed, although the times were hard and few had money for culture. My daughter turned out to be as beautiful as me and as talented as her father. At the age of 10 he started playing small roles in my performances. And he was lucky! Slavi Trifonov himself came to see us, not anyone. After the performance he came and personally greeted the child. It was no secret who the father was , although the birth certificate officially said father - "unknown". Well, he was famous, people watched him every week on TV, even the famous Slavi Trifonov watched him. But not him, but my daughter impressed him and decided to bear the cost of education ?, to take the male debt of a man, who decided to act "male" at the time. A father whose daughter watched him every week on television and was never replaced live by an unknown young man who liked what he did? in my production. *** The rest are detailed. I have been retired for years, but I still work in my favorite theater. Well, just as a cloakroom attendant, but as I breathe the air there ... for me, life still makes sense. My daughter graduated in England, and she turned out to be smart and? gave a scholarship. For her just a father? he doesn't exist, though she watched him as a child on television every week. To her, he is a father - "unknown". For me ... the memory of the most beautiful summer in my life remained. The last happy summer of my life. I do not regret that I loved that I gave birth to a beautiful daughter. *** based on the true history of Jivka Peneva and Pavel Popandov whose daughter watched him every week on television and was never replaced live by an unknown young man who liked what he did? in my production. *** The rest are details. I have been retired for years, but I still work in my favorite theater. Well, just as a cloakroom attendant, but as I breathe the air there ... for me, life still makes sense. My daughter graduated in England, and she turned out to be smart and? gave a scholarship. For her just a father? he doesn't exist, though she watched him as a child on television every week. To her, he is a father - "unknown". For me ... the memory of the most beautiful summer in my life remained. The last happy summer of my life. I do not regret that I loved that I gave birth to a beautiful daughter. *** based on the true history of Jivka Peneva and Pavel Popandov whose daughter watched him every week on television and was never replaced live by an unknown young man who liked what he did? in my production. *** The rest are details. I have been retired for years, but I still work in my favorite theater. Well, just as a cloakroom attendant, but while I'm breathing the air there ... for me, life still makes sense. My daughter graduated in England, and she turned out to be smart and? gave a scholarship. For her just a father? he doesn't exist, though she watched him as a child on television every week. To her, he is a father - "unknown". For me ... the memory of the most beautiful summer in my life remained. The last happy summer of my life. I do not regret that I loved that I gave birth to a beautiful daughter. *** based on the true history of Jivka Peneva and Pavel Popandov liked the fulfillment? in my production. *** The rest are details. I have been retired for years, but I still work in my favorite theater. Well, just as a cloakroom attendant, but while I'm breathing the air there ... for me, life still makes sense. My daughter graduated in England, and she turned out to be smart and? gave a scholarship. For her just a father? he doesn't exist, even though he watched him as a child on television every week. To her, he is a father - "unknown". For me ... the memory of the most beautiful summer in my life remained. The last happy summer of my life. I do not regret that I loved that I gave birth to a beautiful daughter. *** based on the true history of Jivka Peneva and Pavel Popandov liked the fulfillment? in my production. *** The rest are details. I have been retired for years, but I still work in my favorite theater. Well, just as a cloakroom attendant, but while I'm breathing the air there ... for me, life still makes sense. My daughter graduated in England, and she turned out to be smart and? gave a scholarship. For her just a father? he doesn't exist, though she watched him as a child on television every week. To her, he is a father - "unknown". For me ... the memory of the most beautiful summer in my life remained. The last happy summer of my life. I do not regret that I loved that I gave birth to a beautiful daughter. *** based on the true history of Jivka Peneva and Pavel Popandov My daughter graduated in England, and she turned out to be smart and? gave a scholarship. For her just a father? he doesn't exist, though she watched him as a child on television every week. To her, he is a father - "unknown". For me ... the memory of the most beautiful summer in my life remained. The last happy summer of my life. I do not regret that I loved that I gave birth to a beautiful daughter. *** based on the true history of Jivka Peneva and Pavel Popandov My daughter graduated in England, and she turned out to be smart and? gave a scholarship. For her just a father? he doesn't exist, though she watched him as a child on television every week. To her, he is a father - "unknown". For me ... the memory of the most beautiful summer in my life remained. The last happy summer of my life. I do not regret that I loved that I gave birth to a beautiful daughter. *** based on the true history of Jivka Peneva and Pavel Popandov