My Dad

When I was little, he never looked for me, I lived with my mother, grandparents, he looked for me when I was 10 years old (now I am 21) then we stopped contact. He started giving me money, taking me on vacations, etc., and I was having fun, of course, because I was small and I didn't realize yet what was really going on. I also have a sister, 8 years younger than me, from his third marriage. When I was little, they always insulted him in front of me, that he was useless, etc. and even if I forgot him, de facto I never asked about him as a child, because I missed nothing, my mother is really an amazing woman, real class and raised me very well. Well, we started trying to get closer a little less ... My father is a strange man, so I never understood what he does and why he is still gone and why he travels constantly. Over the years, I began to feel like a criminal, at that time I had absolutely everything I wanted, he took us on unique exotic vacations until "something went wrong" and he spent a year in prison. I was not told anything, neither to me, nor to my sister, one year we guessed if he was alive at all ... it was so difficult this year (I was 17 then), I cried every day, I kept calling his switched off phone, he was missing to me an awful lot, even though I really loved him for a few years. Various people from hidden numbers called me, threatened me, at one time even some guys were watching me, I lived in terrible stress ... thank God, nothing happened to me.

When he showed up we started begging him to abandon this way of life that we wanted to be with us even on the park bench, he kept saying “the big hit and it all ends, I promise!” And he never kept his promise. He is a strange man and even a little cynical about life. He claims it's better to die at 50 and have everything. The last time I saw him, he told me that next time he would prescribe us everything he has because ... we will almost say goodbye soon. Then I shivered, thinking the worst. I know many such stories of shot fathers and blackened families. Anyway, I'm 21, I've only been in a relationship with him for 10 years, every night when I fall asleep I think about what he's doing now, whether he's thinking about me and my sister, what the hell is going on in this man's head. Why is he constantly lying to us where he is, who he is with and what he is doing, we have forgiven him all the lies, we just want him to be with us as long as possible ... I just want him to stop doing what he is doing and you will probably tell me that you can't get out of this, am i too naive But if he can't stop because of his children, then he can't stop because of anything else ...