Hi. I'm a 29-year-old woman and I work in the civil service. I started a course that's all day and we're 20 people, all my age. Smart people, we're all chosen with a contest. We've been together for two months now because, as I said, it's all day. We got along great at first, but it's some hell right now. One of the co-women seems to be jealous of something. He's always picking on it or being hypocritical. For example, we had games with a psychologist and everyone had to write on a sheet on the back of the other something nice that thinks about it. She wrote: 'She's never in class. Neither the psychologist said anything, nor did any of my colleagues protect me. Over time, I've had a lot of work to do. I believed to the last thing that he didn't do it intentionally, I don't want to curl up. I just got over it, and I blew up. I got up and left when she came to sit with us. The others started calling me to ask me what was going on and tell me to go back to them. I came back and we had a fight, and the rest of them were psychologists. They're all so hypocritical. They write to me some kind things. They tell me not to confront her because it would make me an outsider. When we go to work, however, other people become. They're no longer so friendly and protect her for everything. In my opinion, she's an intriguer who looks for people's weaknesses. I heard from other colleagues outside the course that she had a co-worker boyfriend and dumped her after three months. He keeps inviting men to sleep at his place. Then pretend it's a joke. He puts himself on all the cooler guys on the course and he's looking to be the center of attention. I'm also prettier, and much more with**than her, intelligent, but don't appreciate that. She appreciates her behavior, her intrigues. I can tell 100 hours, but there will be no space and no time left. We travel on a trip, we go down for a break and I listen to her stand two meters away from me and gossip behind my back. I was offended. That's not true at all. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so offended that they're supporting her. I think they're cowards. I express a different opinion, they do not want to complicate their lives. They graze like sheep from the herd.
1
cerebral_subbie answered · June 17, 2020
29, and you're acting like a 9, with an apology. You've gathered two sheep in one place.
2
blink574 answered · June 17, 2020
1. There is a colleague who is jealous. And that's you, apparently the college has better social skills.
2. There is a colleague who intrigues. And that's you again. (You're digging into your colleague's private life.
3. You're really out of class. You expect your colleagues to appreciate that you're beautiful and sexy...
4. You are passively aggressive. You're waiting for someone else to protect you, you make a cigarette, you get up from restaurants.
5. You're supposed to be offended, you're not offended. They're harassing you, they're a herd, and you don't care. Last?
In conclusion, you sound like a sleading ligle that's hard to communicate with.
3
bonnieandclide_ answered · June 17, 2020
Hey, your colleague loves men and has a good attitude towards them. You're also a competition because you're pretty and she's against you, and because you don't have the same good and predisposing attitude towards men - you lose social support and they take you down to the bottom of the social ladder of your little social network. You don't have to have expectations that someone should protect you, or react violently and fall for provocations. If someone protects you that means potentially becoming a target of assault and harassment by your colleague, why would you do it if you didn't do anything special for him, etc. You have to understand that beauty can be a minus if it's not matched with the right behavior that predisposes others, because it can make you a target. I'm a man over 30, and I can honestly tell you that if I was in your collective and I would like your colleague, because she has the right attitude and tries to like herself, that is, she's expansive and doesn't wait for others to notice her and try to get close to her while she's standing passively and judging. There's something else when you're in some kind of environment, make sure you don't get involved in pointless struggles and complicate your life, and if you do, be completely confident that you're mentally prepared and tough, and anything that gets thrown at your address won't shake you. And another thing - people now very rarely play the role of the white knight who will protect you and everyone looks at themselves. This was because people became ungrateful, when someone protected them or did something for them, they were not grateful to them and did not think they owed him anything. They say he's a good boy/girl, but I'm not obligated to him, etc. in this spirit. They even say that being good and helping and advocating you actually want to like yourself and that's how you try to manipulate. So for these reasons, people will rarely stand up for someone, firstly because they won't be grateful to them and won't think they owe them something, and secondly, that they too can become a target of the same behavior.
4
viajeroo answered · June 17, 2020
Don't be mad at them, they haven't gone their way yet and they're still learning to be human, just like you. You're angry, you're angry, you're angry, you're judging them. there's a way to grow. I hope you understand my words and not be offended by them. Be calm, don't do bad things, and learn to forgive. Forgiveness is partly a skill not to be affected by other people's actions, not to let them hurt you, and to learn not to respond to badness with more badness. You don't have to be friends, but it's almost imperative to learn from their mistakes instead of making almost the same.
5
liza_sunshine answered · June 17, 2020
What's up to you is to reduce your ego. You don't sound sensitive and wounded, but like a man with too big egos. No one has to like you. What's your attitude towards her? I'm judging by your words that you don't like her. In fact, at first sight, on a subconscious level, we know if we like a person. You didn't like each other from the beginning, and because of the ego, both of you, it was evident afterwards. It's unprofessional. You're interfering with both your work and your collective work. I don't see there being any gain from interpersonal conflicts in the workplace. I understand that it is in your home, to sit down and talk/or to drive it out, but in a work environment, you don't even need to like each other or talk about personal issues, you just need to do your job. You have too much free time in the civil service.
6
sofiadaviss answered · June 17, 2020
''I'm also prettier, and you're much more smart than her, intelligent.'
It's clear why they're 'harassing' you. Sociopathy.
7
xxxhonybunnyxxx answered · June 18, 2020
And how exactly are they harassing you? When they tell you not to confront?
8
cvom answered · June 18, 2020
The next time your colleague gets stuck with you, use your intellect, put it in front of everyone so she can make herself laugh. A few times like this, he's going to give up talking to you and you a few times.
9
dollformoney69 answered · June 18, 2020
Oh, number 8, don't with the woman, that she's going to listen to you and embarrass herself. What a scum, she's a direct insult to the eyes, written black and white sitting and waiting for someone to protect her. The most she can do is put a bottle on it after the co-wife breaks it in two words. And in my opinion, it should not be confronted, better to pretend to be a sufferer, as before. Many women choose this role and then draw dividends from the pity and compassion of others.
10
medinasexy1 answered · June 19, 2020
I think your colleagues just don't want to take sides, and that's why they're trying to create some kind of balance, but it doesn't work out for them. Stop delving into this story and focus on the skills you're going to acquire, not who said what about you. I don't see why everyone should be involved in some personal relationship in the workplace. Just next time, if he makes another comment, turn it around or get it stuck with something, but calm, even with a smile. Be more diplomatic. People, almost 30 years old, and you're acting like you're in high school...