Hello dear readers, G21, who studies and works, writes to you. As the title suggests, my closest friend avoids me and refuses to explain why. At the same time, keep a distance. When I tried to talk to her, she told me I was imagining. But she doesn't ask me how I am, she doesn't want to talk about anything, I tried to talk about other things, but she is hidden. Finally, I asked her directly if she wanted us to be close friends or not, and she got angry and didn't want to answer my question "yes" or "no." I suspect that because some time ago I had introduced her to a close childhood friend with whom I had not seen for a long time - for 1-2 years. There were times when I was not the perfect friend and I shared some things with the girl in question, when it happened that we quarreled very badly and doubted our friendship with my NDP. This happened when we were in our middle teens. We both surrendered cruelly, but we told each other what we had said about each other behind our backs. The point is that when I was little (about 14 years old) and I wanted to introduce myself (I was an outsider, I only had 1-2 girlfriends, I didn't get along with the class, but I liked the company of some homo and bisexuals in the class and I wanted to added), I told a huge lie to make myself interesting in front of others. The one in question included my NDP. Then I discovered that I had a sexual attraction to women to some extent, and to justify myself, I lied that I had a girlfriend. They were all like, "Oh, you can't be attracted to women if you didn't have a girlfriend, or at least you didn't do something with a woman!" So over time, everyone began to suspect that my PDP is my boyfriend and I confirmed, not denied. And it has nothing like that, it is even more conservative and does not particularly accept these things. I don't know how many people still know about this lie and whether it is still being talked about. My NDP knows about this simplicity of mine, I had told her who I told years ago, but ... To this day I repent and wonder. I'm 99 percent sure they talked. We were from the same high school btw. I don't know, and I don't know how much the other girl can be trusted and whether she talked nonsense ... Because she also happened to lie to me. But the dumbest thing is that now my NDP and I will go on a trip together abroad, everything is paid, we leave in 3 days, there is no way to get our money back, if we decide to give up, there is no one to change with and how. Tonight we're going to celebrate my birthday with them both, and I have a feeling that he does so only out of respect for what we have had as a friendship. As something farewell. I just experienced it once with another close friend (to be ignored after 5 years of a very close friendship) and I have the feeling that I watch everything in deja vu. She is like a sister to me, I love her with all my soul, no matter how much we fought, no matter how much we experienced ... We know all the dirty shirts, so many memories together, so many plans, no malice, envy, just love .. .. I really do not know what to do, how to find out, I feel so guilty, and I do not even know what I did, what to do?