My Childhood Love That Does Not Give Me Peace

So I'm an 18-year-old boy. When I was in the 3rd grade, that is, at the age of 9, I was very violent. During the summer vacation we gathered outside and played until midnight. Abe was great. My parents divorced when I was about 5. There were a lot of scandals and they generally traumatized me. My grandparents took me to them and I felt comfortable. So we return again to this summer vacation. She was a year younger than me. She had come to her grandparents' room for the summer. My first impressions were that she was a very naturally beautiful and cheerful girl. She was a very wealthy family, and I was quite poor. We were a fairly large group of children, probably 20 - boys and girls. My mind was childish and other than raging with my boy friends and playing football was not in my head. So far so good, but one day two of her friends called me to them and told me that this same girl liked me. I told them that I liked her too, and it really was. The older girls were the initiators of that "truth or dare" game. A complete circus. I remember these girls being 11-12-13 years old. They encouraged us (the boys) to choose "I dare", but I did it and hop - I had to kiss her on the cheek, but here you are already white. They did the same to her. Suddenly something inside me exploded. Just looking at her, my heart would jump out, burst, explode, and I don't know what else. We avoided each other and didn't talk, but we looked at each other. His childish work. They urged us to hug and hop got worse (better). Oh wow, how nice! After about a month (I remember it was August 2009), after a lot of incitement from these friends of hers, I proposed to her face to face to be boyfriends. Fuck the miracle. She accepted. I remember she was wearing red. What boyfriends just, huh? They are ashamed to talk. From now on, I don't have such clear memories of what exactly happened by the end of this summer. During the school year, I remember thinking about her often. I did not share with anyone what I experienced, because I did not seem to see in the eyes of my loved ones what I saw in hers. I had nothing to do with her. She came again the following summer and she came again, even more beautiful. Yes, but this time she said you had caught a boyfriend from her class or that she already liked another boy, I don't remember. We were no longer "officially" together, but we talked. I could see that she had sympathy for me. Her mother seemed to like me very much. We gathered all the children around a bench in the evening and played these games again. I was sick. I remember once that I lied to her that I was going to the hospital because I was very ill and something could happen to me. She told me that although she hated me, she hoped to get better. It took me a long time to realize that she really loved me as much as I loved her and that childhood love is no joke. What happened next? Well, my nervous father took me to him and I failed. I developed a computer addiction in just a few months and from a full excellent student and mathematician, I reached the bottom. Interesting, huh? I became a violent antisocial extrovert. I didn't go out, but a gram. We fast forward the tape to today, 12th grade. A few months ago I thought of her and I can't stop thinking about this girl, but I'm telling you at all! Not a day goes by without thinking about her. I have nothing to do with her, I don't know what she's doing. I just know he's in the capital. She was a very intelligent girl, and I was poor and traumatized, but I had some zest in me, those few years I spent with my grandparents. I have orientated myself to go to study in Sofia. I have no money and I will go to work at sea this summer. I wonder, I just wonder, if one day I can meet her again, what will happen? Will that fire ignite inside us, as when we were children, or will everything just be extinguished. Please write what you think. I just wonder if one day I can meet her again, what will happen? Will that fire ignite inside us, as when we were children, or will everything just be extinguished. Please write what you think. I just wonder if one day I can meet her again, what will happen? Will that fire ignite inside us, as when we were children, or will everything just be extinguished. Please write what you think.