Hello :) I was quite wondering whether to write, because the topic is not pleasant for anyone, but I still wanted to share, anonymously, because there is really no one. I've been not exactly an outsider since I was a child, but something like that, or more precisely I wasn't lucky with my friends, I don't like much detail. I have learned for myself that having real friends is extremely rare and very lucky, or maybe only for me it was and will be. Somehow I still didn't meet my people, I didn't get where I was happy. I'm not saying now that almost everyone is to blame for me, I know that I'm not perfect either, I know my shortcomings, but things have always reached a dead end and I have withdrawn from people, I no longer want to see anyone. There is no point in explaining more, it becomes banal and unnecessary, this is not exactly the purpose of the topic and I began to deviate. I wanted to share that with my mother, only with her can I be myself, only she is my support in life and I know that although she did not always understand me, she will always be with me no matter what happens, but it is because I am and a child, right In general, I have had some thoughts since I was a child, I don't know exactly what to call them, too extreme, intrusive, I still think that the worst will happen when some problem arises. I have always been afraid of death. And sometimes I wonder when my mother will leave one day, I don't know how she will survive, as if I won't be able to experience it, I know that I shouldn't think such things from now on and live in fear, but I always have such thoughts. . I'm very upset, I realize I'm hurting myself, but I just can't imagine my most precious thing being one day next to me. I hope it doesn't sound like pure selfishness, I'm still thinking about how I'm going to experience it, or rather, that I will not be able to, how will I deal with this pain, because only it is close to me, I have no one else, and even if I have, there is no way for someone to fill this void. Well, people who have loved ones with severe and difficult to cure health problems that can go away at any moment, I know that it is even harder for them than I can imagine, I am very sad about all this. For example, my grandmother is sick and old and in times of crisis, I was always afraid, yes, everyone is afraid of being left without their closest people, this is inevitable, it has not happened to me so far, but one day it will happen . I am afraid of loss and loneliness, I will no longer have anyone by my side. And I've always thought and still believe that I will not have a family of my own, even with my already acquired almost anti-sociality, I do not see how, that's why I mention friends above, because a person needs social contacts, and I've always had such a problem and one day I will be completely alone. This is my biggest fear ... I'm sorry that my topic is so gloomy and I'm burdening you with it, I apologize in advance.
1 tattedblasian answered
It's over! They told me I couldn't handle it, they told me - don't try! A friend told me that there was no government contract for the specialty of psychology! Hard to accept - do you know how many people dream of this profession, but it is a big corruption. Will they accept you exactly? My father used to say we don't have money, there is no one to support you! That's when I had bad eyesight and was constantly in the hospital. They called me the "Child of the Ward." So far, I have always encountered negativity in my closest people. They didn't believe in me. I was hesitant and cowardly because I was very ill. But now I realize that it was not the body but the soul that was sick, and that is why the body, in unity with the soul, suffered as well. I have had many fears and storms in my life. But now I know that I came out stronger from there. Now my psyche is hard, because I went through everything - the death of loved ones, terrible diseases, despair, depression, poverty, the constant threat to my life and the lives of my mother and sister - (28 years of continuous hell), my father's drunkenness and against the background of this mental war, there was still joy from the Lord. He helped me save my life and my psyche and fulfilled all my desires and prayers. Fulfill my biggest dream to have a house with a large yard and even what I did not dare to dream - a pool. He also gave me a loving husband "goldsmith by profession" which I never thought to dream of because I had a lot of complexes. Now I am happy with everything that My God has given me and I thank him through the web pages. I want to tell everyone that God is real here and now and helps those who want help. Trust him! You will not be deceived in your hopes. I have become a new person and my life is wonderful. He can get you out of the swamp and change you. Amen!