Here is a very long and confusing personal story:
I have had very low self-esteem since I was a child.
For example, at school I remember learning how to read and write and I always thought that I could not cope and that I would fail ... I had never been good at school and I always needed someone to help me with my studies.
I suffered from anxiety that paralyzed me when I was tested in class ... and so people were left with the impression that I had not studied and that I was stupid.
I don't know if it was because I had childhood asthma and was often absent from school ... and that I wasn't allowed to go out and play with the other children because our people were paranoid that I was going to have an attack. I also think it affected my development a bit as a person ... you still can't eat the same foods as others, you can't play physically, you're very vulnerable to disease ... you're constantly under pressure ... and you just feel different from the others. and our people kept me from getting sick because I had a weak immunity and they didn't let me go out with friends much. I was told that others were as healthy as oxen, and I was not ...
Unfortunately, Bulgarian teachers hate such children who learn more slowly and need a little help to relax. They always called me and humiliated me at school that I knew nothing, and my class was full of dentists. My family also treated me badly. I don't know why, but the Bulgarians obviously think that with fear and strength you achieve excellent success instead of patience and understanding.
And I wasn't that dumb, I just worried too much and my head blocked when I was under pressure. It is also very bad that they force children to learn things that they do not like and do not have talents for them. I'm more creative and I liked arts as well as languages. Unfortunately, these qualities are not valued in Bulgaria. It is not good that they group children who are not allowed to study with toothpicks in one class.
As a child, I didn't have many friends because my anxiety prevented me from relaxing in front of others. I always sat on the rank as a soldier, did not go out in the break, and was an easy target for brutal mockery, which also affected me badly. I don't know if my behavior was normal ... when I think about it, I find it strange that I always sat as if punished in the breaks.
Then I went to an elite high school somehow. My class was much weaker and I calmed down a bit then about my success and so on. I found a few friends and found a place. I changed a little - I became more impudent and hot-tempered so that I could protect myself from ridicule and harassment of teachers. but even so, I didn't become open enough to make many friendships. I always sat in our line and did not talk to anyone. My friendships broke down to the 12th grade. because my friends were also very open and too lazy, arrogant, and unambitious while I was getting ready to go to study abroad.
So in high school I had become more or less a normal person with normal self-esteem ... but I changed my environment, culture and country, and ... I fell into a shock that I never expected to have. I was alone, I barely knew anyone who was at the same university. My family left me to fend for myself abroad ... and I had a very difficult time. I was left with the impression that they just want to get rid of me because there is still no money for tickets to return for the holidays ... Here and everyone is so open and confident .... and I seem to be back in my shell from childhood. Out of anxiety, I couldn't form normal sentences, and I was the best in English in class ... and I didn't understand the accents ... I was embarrassed by student parties because I'm not that kind of person ... the first year I made some friends and I felt good. .. but in the second year, everything changed. my friends moved, and those who remained seemed to have forgotten me. It was a big stress for me. I had a lot of trouble looking for a place to stay, getting a yellow card, looking for a job and not having the money ... and no one was there for me. even my parents hated me for not being able to ... I got very angry then. I was depressed for a few months and I was a complete nihilist. With a lot of stress (for example with the rooms and the lack of money) I started to tremble with horror and behave inappropriately and things got worse ... I don't know if this is a normal reaction to a young person. the others have in *** whether they will find accommodation or not. I had not reacted in this way since my early school years.
...
I'm also very worried about talking to people and expressing my opinion ... I don't know why I'm like that. Either I have nothing to say or I'm worried about cracking. And everyone can't wait to hear everything about you ... no one has time to get to know you.
Now I'm looking for a job again, but I can't lie, I'm not running and I can't present myself in a good way ... I just think that this life in the west is not for me. It confuses me a lot that everyone is confident and extroverted, and I'm not.
1
loren_w answered · May 24, 2020
I am in a similar state – and I am terribly worried, I cannot react in a given situation when there is tension I behave inappropriately and this is accompanied by tics sometimes... It's disgusting, I can't say either, because I can screw it up or just because I can't tell you something significant, and I don't have a very good expression... But in such difficult times we should not give up because it is the easiest! We have to keep our composure and think rationally, as for new friends, I don't think everyone is confident and pushy, there are always people like you who are hard to relate to the situation and you have to seek them out to support and help in the future...!
2
closetmajick answered · May 24, 2020
You're a very big negative, for everything you say you don't do, and you're angry because the others don't help you as they owe you. Well, wake up, nobody owes you. Your whole position is a big complaint, from school, classmates, parents, and no-money. You're one of those kind of human energy vampires who live to make them feel sorry for them, and they need constant attention, and someone's got something to explain to them, feel sorry for them, and take care of them. It's very convenient to say "I can't" and to sit down and wait for someone to pour your knowledge into your head or to find you a job and a place. Either brace yourself or you graduate somewhere in a miserable place and drinking antidepressants, and naturally accuse others of that.
3
lilithpopsy answered · May 24, 2020
This is really getting interesting for the extroverted:) It is a kind of a praise for Bulgaria and the people in it.
4
elwynciel answered · May 24, 2020
And I was like that before but I got started to go with the girls in our class and so I got...
5
lostbet5550 answered · May 24, 2020
To number three. (9b59dd1d8d for clarification that I was missing 1.): It's easy when you've had a fair start, when you've lived without rejection and isolation, without humiliation from everyone, without having to be yourself, just to have the little one to live human. Understand that what you have and think for granted (friends, equal Start, dignity), the author has been deprived for a lifetime. No one was obligated to... And who was obligated to have your self-esteem, acceptance, friends, and a chance to show your abilities (at school, at work, etc.)?
I wrote this comment, because it was always interesting to me how people who would not go and one week rejected by everyone, without friends and without equal existence, how dare to criticize those who are so always.
To the author: Yes, you need optimism, but not because you have no reason to be bitter, but because you have to do it FOR YOURSELF! Always do this!
6
brestud answered · May 25, 2020
Don't worry about getting help. But do not seek help to become another person, but to understand and love yourself as you are.
Modern society is not hospitable to introvert people, but that doesn't mean they have no place in it. To begin with, I think it's good to try believing that you deserve to be happy and relaxed, which is actually true.
Seek help and try to see life as optimistic as possible. It gets better...
7
voluptuous_eve answered · May 25, 2020
I know myself here!
8
wwcd answered · May 25, 2020
Number three, can't you accept that there are more sensitive people, hardly the girl wants pity, on the contrary. He wants understanding. Many people like you annoy me. I prosteete.
9
lea_exe answered · May 26, 2020
I want to tell you not to worry about who you are, because I'm sure that every person has some uncertainty. It's just that people don't like to show their weaknesses if they can. And I don't know why, but I have a feeling that the moment they detect you, you're more sensitive some sort of school attitude to bully the more sensitive raises and show you as very open. In one I'm sure-everyone is a little or very insecure! Whether you're doing it or not, sometimes it's just not up to you, and maybe it's a good idea to go to a psychologist if pride allows you. I think I understand what you mean by introvert-extrovert theory, but you might want to consider what the introvert wants in you. If your priority is to enjoy people who don't think like you, you're in for a disappointment. People just don't change their way of thinking, so it remains to change yourself. Hard! It's best to just find out what you want, what your soul desires, and try to express it and find someone who will appreciate it.
I'm going to tell you that right now I'm in a period like this. I changed the city and work with the idea to be better, but people are wrong and it's nice to realize it in time, because if you persist it will only be worse.
Here's my example-a year ago I moved, largely because I needed a little peace of mind, I went back to my hometown and got into the family business. But by the time it turned out that the job was even more busy and it was not for me at all and I was not. And with the parent boss any criticism goes right into the heart. Ruining! Why haven't I changed it--because I'm stubborn, and I think that by going upstream, you can accomplish something. Well, you know, I lost a lot of nerves, I have no company and no friends here, so I became insecure and it affected my very good social skills, and I lost my old friends because it's hard to have fun having problems with myself and my life, and I'm not the kind of person who loaded loved ones. So I let this go on for so long that I lost the direction. And I want to tell you that I have a higher education abroad and I look pretty good outside. Now I don't know if I can go back to my life at all, because my uncertainty began to show in everything I do, it's written to my face that things are not going. And people wonder how it's possible-she's pretty, smart and doesn't know what to say and behaves like a stopper... Well here's how it works! Loneliness is not a good thing, so you write to know that with your problem you are not alone. I personally feel emotionally tired of continuing to fight. And that's not good. So don't let it happen to you and take action!
10
silkycaty answered · May 26, 2020
Next to the author: I just can't believe I read this thing because I'm the same case only that boy of 23. The things I have described for myself have almost all: asthma (from birth), insecurity and anxiety, depression and social anxiety. I want to tell you that as a pretty big introvert, I've gone through all the situations you described in school and university. I've never been to this country before, but to be honest, I've never traveled out of the land. But you have experienced the stock in changing the environment, because the mentality outside of BG is always different. I also can not agree with a large company I get quite strong panic attacks and I block, it is really terrible unpleasant and humiliating. All my life I've felt mocked and judged wrong about it. And my friendships fell out shortly after the 12th grade because of the same reason. I am socially limited because I have no immunity to nicotine smoke and heavy breath because of my asthma and I cannot be in places where smoke is smoked or the air is not clean (I start to choke and lose consciousness in the worst case if my blood pressure drops) Now I don't have any friends because I can't join any company because of my non-extroverted way of communicating and living And I'm not an arrogant hotshot, unfortunately I'm a pretty tolerant listener and everyone thinks I'm shy which annoys me because it's not so:D What I'M TRYING TO SAY is that you don't have to feel bad your behavior is absolutely normal, the rest will never understand why you behave like this because introverts draw positive energy from the time spent in peace, I also in school I spent time alone, I was just not like the others and I did not want to be ridiculed because I fell in the column-clogged because I do not smoke and I do not drink alcohol and curse like others. I'm a guitarist and I have a complete MIO, but I don't have friends and girlfriend because I have social problems, and I'm a pretty collapsed and kind person who loves the arts, such people are shunt in BG because they are considered strange or dumb. Besides, I don't have the money to have a friend in Sofia if you don't drive a car if you don't have a good job and if you have a Sotz. Problems, no girl will want to talk to you. From personal experience I say because I am such, just are uniquely bitter I do not know why they became such everything is up to money and I can not meet these criteria. But enough about me. Don't change, I think you're a wonderful, unique and underrated person, life is in front of you, I'm an introvert, and I have to push myself and pretend to be an extrovert but I can't always, and the tension is killing me, I've been treated for years of depression, and I keep living on my own, and it's terrifily lonely, I don't like coupons, I am strange and I have accepted that to be happy you have to accept yourself and live in peace with yourself. Not everyone has an equal start, and our society has a uniquely narrow worldview to the different and introvert characters, that doesn't make us bad people. They spit on us and mock us because they don't understand us, it makes them feel better about themselves. Keep One foot in front of the other and don't give a damn:) I hope you find some good friends to accept you for who you are and someone who cares about you. I have been trying this for 4 years now but without success.